Even more short jokes
16 May 2012 3 Comments
If a mime is arrested, do they have the right to remain silent?
My long-haired friend was fired from the hot dog stand for putting his hair in a bun.
I can’t choose between silver and gold; it could be either ore.
Contemplating root canal work is deeply unnerving.
An eccentric bachelor passed away and left a nephew nothing but 392 clocks; the nephew is now busy winding up the estate.
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
I find falling asleep is so easy I could do it with my eyes closed.
Forklift truck drivers don’t like puns; they find them unpalletable.
If a tortoise doesn’t have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
Do hotel managers get board with their jobs?
The new Elvis Presley themed steakhouses are for people who love meat tender.
Tractors are magic; I followed one recently that suddenly turned into a field.
To oceanographers, things are never bad, they’re abyss-mal.
Lightning always shocks people, because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself.
Do ambassadors stay healthy because of diplomatic immunity?
A relative ate wheat even though he was allergic to it; he was a gluten for punishment.
Good King Wenceslas likes his pizza deep-pan, crisp and even.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? Halloumi!
The boy stood on the burning deck; it was the only way he could put out the flames on his pack of cards.
If a spider lives in a maize field, does it make cob webs?
Two scientists studying fungi and algae became friends after they took a lichen to each other.
I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
When psychiatrists give presents, are they always shrink wrapped?
A friend lost his left arm and left leg in an accident; he’s all right now.
I saw an exceptionally good scarecrow; it was out standing in its field.
Bee stings are in the hand of the bee holder.
My friend left her gloves in a secluded cave, still, they were hermits.
A man, who dreamt he was a wheel on a car and then a catalytic converter, woke up tired and exhausted.
A farmer has a herd of 200 cattle; he thought there were only 197 until he rounded them up.
I’ve damaged some small pieces of my chess set, so I took them to a pawn broker.
One of my ancestors tried prospecting for gold, but it didn’t pan out.
The local priest has been making the Sign of the Cross so often; he’s had to stop counting his blessings.
Cows wear cowbells because their horns don’t work.
I was going to procrastinate now, but I’ve decided to do it later.
You would be in Seine if you jumped off a bridge in Paris.
A burglar fell into a cement mixer and became a hardened criminal.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
I bought a birthday card shaped like a boomerang; it said ‘Many Happy Returns’.
What do you get if you cross a canary with a mole? A mynah bird.
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
In a Chinese geography test Peking is no longer allowed.
I had a very happy childhood. Dad loved to put me inside a tyre and roll me downhill. Those were the good years.
The Canadian government has set up a lottery, only for people in the north. You have to be Inuit to win it.
I love eBay – I’ve sold my homing pigeon eight times.
I phoned Seaworld the other day. They told me, ‘your call may be monitored for training porpoises.’
“You won’t like me when I’m angry. I back up my rage with documented facts and sources.” ~ The Credible Hulk
For other stuff in this blog, click on these links:
