My wife’s gone to…

A few very old gags, some with particular thanks to @ErikPetersen and @dancludlow

‘My wife’s gone to the West Indies’ ~ ‘Jamaica?’ ~ No, she went of her own accord’

‘My wife’s gone to Indonesia’ ~ ‘Jakarta?’ ~ ‘No, she went by plane’

‘My wife bought a hat in Central America’ ~ ‘Panama?’ ~ ‘No, it was a trilby’

‘My wife spent last winter in Switzerland’ ~ ‘Berne?’ ~ ‘No, she nearly froze’

‘My wife flew to America recently’ ~ ‘Chicago?’ ~ ‘No, she was a passenger’

‘My wife opened a brothel in Hawaii’ ~ ‘Maui?’ ~ ‘No you may not!’

‘My wife loves whiskey from the Southern United States’ ~ ‘Mississippi?’ ~ ‘No, she just drank the whole bottle’

‘My wife’s band went on tour in South East Asia’ ~ ‘Singapore?’ ~ ‘Yes, and the bassist’s rubbish too’

‘My wife’s gone to Oslo’ ~ ‘Norway?’ ~ ‘Yes, way!’

‘My wife’s an Angel’ ~ ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive!’

‘My wife’s on holiday just south of London’ ~ ‘Surrey?’ ~ ‘I SAID, MY WIFE’S ON HOLIDAY JUST SOUTH OF LONDON!’

‘My wife’s gone to South America’ ~ ‘Chile?’ ~ ‘No, it’s very hot there at the moment’

‘My wife sent me for a sex change operation in Montevideo’ ~ ‘Uruguay?’ ~ ‘Not any more’

‘My wife went to Malawi’ ~ ‘Lilongwe?’ ~ ‘Yes, thousands of miles’

‘My wife was attacked by an animal in Malaysia’ ~ ‘Kuala Lumpur?’ ~ ‘No, a dingo bit her’

‘My wife would love to go on safari in Africa’ ~ ‘Kenya?’ ~ ‘No, we can’t afford it’

‘My wife’s holidaying in northern Benin’ ~ ‘Djougou?’ ~ ‘No, I stayed at home’

‘My wife had her portrait done in Sudan’ ~ ‘Khartoum?’ ~ ‘No, actually it was quite a good likeness’

‘My wife went to Morocco and bought a new cooker’ ~ ‘Agadir?’ ~ ‘No, it was quite cheap’

‘My wife went to a music concert in South Korea’ ~ ‘Seoul?’ ~ ‘No, it was R&B’

‘My wife went to a casino in the Himalayas’ ~ ‘Tibet?’ ~ ‘Yes, of course, why else would she go?’

‘My wife’s booked a luxury holiday in India’ ~ ‘Mumbai?’ ~ ‘No, her Dad paid for it’

‘My wife bought some crockery in Peking’ ~ ‘China?’ ~ ‘No, Royal Doulton’

‘My wife’s gone to Jordan’ ~ ‘Amman?’ ~ ‘No, she’s just got big hands, but you’re not the first to ask’

‘My wife’s relation has been to the South of France’ ~ ‘Nice?’ ~ ‘No, her Nephew’

‘My wife misses me constantly’ ~ ‘Working away?’ ~ ‘No, I’ve learnt to dodge’

‘My wife bought a house in Sweden’ ~ ‘Stockholm?’ ~ ‘No, it was custom-built’

‘My wife was robbed in Western Australia’ ~ ‘Perth?’ ~ ‘No, they took her pathport & driving lithenth’



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4 thoughts on “My wife’s gone to…

  1. Oh, those are quite good! I blush that I didn’t know the joke template before now. I knew “Jamaica”, but I didn’t know it generalized. :-) Surrey, Kuala Lampur, Seoul are my favorites here.

    Now I want to make my own! They are very accent-dependent, though, aren’t they?

    ‘My wife is not going to her conference in the south of England.’ ~ ‘Kent?’ ~ ‘No, she just refuses.’

    ‘My wife used to maintain aircraft weapon systems when she was serving in India.’ ~ ‘Bombay?’ ~ ‘No, mostly the machine gun turrets.’’

    ‘My wife opened a restaurant in India.’ ~ ‘Delhi?’ ~ ‘No, a diner.’

    ‘My wife sculpted a topiary in Russia this year’ ~ ‘Moscow?’ ~ ‘No, an evergreen giraffe.’

    ‘My wife is trying to build a toy factory in Nigeria.’ ~ ‘Lagos?’ ~ ‘No, Tinker Toys.’

    That’s all I can come up with for now. So much fun!

    (@mcgeesorg on Twitter)

  2. My wife’s gone to ….

    Turkey/Ankara/Of course not, as a boat owner, I understand her need to travel
    Cyprus to sell her body/Nicosia/Yes, still in the bedroom drawer
    Botswana/Gaborone/Don’t they all
    Did your wife go to Anchorage/Alaska/Let me know
    Went to a sixties female British artist celebration in Hawaii/Honolulu/No, it was Cilla Black
    Accompanied by a supermodel to Turkey/Ankara/Yes that girl with the eyebrows
    Rated the Dorothy movies negatively on Rotten Tomatoes before going to Norway/ ….
    took an unclothed Australian supermodel to the capital of India/ …
    Austrian/Wien/Yes her name is Valerie Newman, hence the initials
    Romania after failing to pay library fines/Bucharest/No, it’s just civil, police are not involved.
    Bavaria/München/No, she’s on a diet
    Northern Sweden with a stock cube and a songbird, “Nörrkoping?” Well yes, but what a surreal concept.
    Iraq, leaving me to try and take up with my father …..
    Kazakhtzan, to meet film stars from The Godfather and characters from Back to the Future …. /Almaty/That’s right
    The old West German capital to have a nice time, as they say en Français/Bonn/Oui, naturellement
    Taking her trans friend Lee’s neck accoutriment on a trip to the Portugese capital/Lisboa/Yes I wish he could suffer the same fate as Isadora …

    ,,, I could go on

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