Every story tells a picture

We’re moving house sometime in the next few weeks, or months, so I’ve been sorting out all the stuff we’ve (okay, I’ve) collected over the last 32 years, and before that if I’m honest. There’s rather a lot.

Leicester Mercury, dated 26 January 1970

The last few days I’ve been sorting out some old picture frames, keeping some, sending some to a charity shop and dismantling old, damaged and unwanted ones.

When I mounted pictures I used to pad the frames with old newspapers and behind one I found a pre-decimalisation Leicester Mercury, dated 26 January 1970. Fascinating reading, especially the letters page; correspondence from people who were then in the age group that I am now in, wanting the reintroduction of National Service (conscription into the armed forces) to sort out the undisciplined young hooligans of the time.

Nottingham News, dated 4 February 1979

Nothing changes does it; many in our older generations decrying the actions and attitudes of the youth of today. Perhaps conveniently forgetting that we, the older ones, are the people responsible for whatever dire situation society is presently suffering through, and so leaving to the next generation to sort out or wrestle with. While, as with every generation before, we censure them for being feckless, lazy and entitled. “It wasn’t like this in my day!” No, perhaps it wasn’t, things change, but, for some inter-generational attitudes, probably not so much.

Anyway, returning to picture frames; dismantling another, I discovered the next packing material was a first edition of the Nottingham News, dated 4 February 1979. An interesting read again; there was an article about the splendid actor Don Warrington, appearing at the Nottingham Playhouse as Mark Anthony in Julius Caesar. Sue and I saw that production and thought it was excellent, although I slightly disbelieve that it was really 40 years ago.

Shirts, 1971
A A Milne, his son Christopher Robin and Winnie-the-Pooh

There were many other framed pictures and photographs that hadn’t seen the light of day for a long time. I came across a ‘Shirts’ linocut that I made at art college about 1971 and a framed photograph of A A Milne, his son Christopher Robin and Winnie-the-Pooh, where I’d written on the back ‘To Pooh and Jurgend, 11th May 1991, Roy Manterfield.’

Something we’re definitely keeping is one of the most special of our wedding presents from 1982; matching reliefs of Sue and I, made by Michael Wright, one of my oldest, dearest and most talented friends.

Sue and Roy Manterfield, by Michael Wright, 1982

There were also two framed collections of public transport tickets from the early to mid 1970s. I did use a lot of buses, trams and trains in quite a few places; I loved travelling around, visiting places that I’d not been to before. There are tickets from all sorts of cities and destinations in Scotland, Wales and England, and many from France, Germany, Belgium and the Netherlands.

Anyway, that’s enough rambling on about picture frames.

Advertisements

Whoopee…

A post on social media reminded me of my obsession with practical jokes as a child in the early 1960s. I spent my pocket money on quite a few from the Ellisdons Jokes, Magic and Novelties catalogue. Ellisdons sold all manner of practical jokes; rubber beetles and spiders, wind-up butterflies, whoopee cushions, and realistic looking rubber things such as food, soap and bars of chocolate. I had, for example, a very lifelike chocolate finger biscuit made of brown rubber.

Practical jokesI also had a handshake buzzer, which never really caught anyone off guard, but the floating sugar cubes and imitation rubber snail with a real shell were both winners; I suspect the snail put many friends and relatives off salad for life.

I loved the floating sugar cubes; a family friend’s grandfather spent an incredibly long time with a teaspoon trying to make them sink, it was only my barely controlled mirth that eventually caught his attention.

I’d also forgotten about the imitation dog turd. I had a brilliant shiny metal one, very realistic. It’s probably still in the attic somewhere. I left it on the rug in my grandmother’s best/front room on a visit once and all hell broke loose. Both the poor dog and I were in so much trouble, but it was worth it…

Ellisdons 1960s Joke Catalogue

 

 

Still More MumblingNerd Stuff

 

Still more of my previously unpublished Twitter posts:

I’m a Pacifist; it’s my favourite ocean.

I really dislike 144; it’s gross.

Well that’s very disappointing. Apparently, fasting has nothing to do with the speed that you eat.

After all the hype I’ve heard, red tape is surprisingly easy to cut through.

Why would you rest on your laurels? I once had laurels in the garden; they were extremely uncomfortable to rest on.

I’ve had a parcel delivered. Although I never did find out how the liver got into the parcel.

Can you spot a pointillist painting without going dotty? I don’t see the point.

Vive la différence, as the Dutch say. When they’re speaking French.

I cut my finger today, but on the other hand I’m fine.

I’m amazed at how much procrastinating I managed to fit in today.

I repaired a hole in my sock, but it was sew sew boring.

I’ve been thinking outside of the box and decided on cremation.

My hairdresser gave me a Roman cut; she used a pair of Caesars.

Birds must be infuriated when they get vertigo.

I’m writing salad puns; if anyone knows a good one please lettuce know.

There’s a fine line between
silliness
____________

and humour

And I’ve no idea where it is :^)

I’d like to give you some sage advice. It goes well with parsley, rosemary and thyme.

Snakes are measured in inches as there are no feet.

Has anyone else tried fly-tipping? As soon as I attempt it they fly off.

On the one hand the weather is wet for June, but on the other hand I have a broken nail.

I spoke to a grassroots campaigner today, but they refused to look at my lawn.

Watched the test match today. It lit first time.

Apparently a Japanese zoo has an elephant seal. That must take one hell of a lot of cling film.

Soya milk. Didn’t see mine though; has anyone else seen it?

Attempting to sketch with French chalk, but I’m drawing a blanc.

I may be going out on a limb here, but I’m hopping around on one leg.

I’m wondering if I could scrape a living as an archaeologist. Perhaps I’ll dig out my CV.

Hummingbirds should attend to their personal hygiene.

Saw a spoonbill today. That’s the last time I buy cutlery in a hurry.

Look where you’re going! That was just a heads up.

I’ve split my feather quilt and now I’m feeling down.

My nail and hammer mishap stands out like a sore thumb.

Visited the local health centre to show my support today. No one was willing to have a look at it.

I’ve taken another re-sit. It was a huge improvement; I didn’t fall off this time.

Pricked myself on a needle again. I just don’t see the point.

Our dentist is conflicted; he’s cheerful, but he always looks down in the mouth.

I wouldn’t visit a denture shop; I don’t like to pick my teeth in public.

I visited an owl sanctuary recently, but the owls didn’t give two hoots.

I drove past one of those average speed cameras yesterday, but I thought it looked pretty good.

Where can I borrow a dictionary? I only need it for a short spell.

As house spiders are getting bigger, I’ve adjusted the burglar alarm so they don’t trigger it. I wondered where all the flies had gone…

Aww, a little bird just told me to cheer up. Oh, I misheard; it said chirp.

Did a little bowling practice this morning. I now regret not finishing the cereal first.

On my bucket list I have an iron pail, three household buckets and a small plastic beach bucket for making sand castles.

I’ve had a protracted conversation with a neighbour, but dropped the protractor. Now it’s scratched.

Can anyone recommend a local artisan natural GM free organic vegan craft pop-up pantry zero carbon footprint kitchen micro café?

I’m thinking of setting up a family tracing service, but I can’t find a large enough sheet of translucent paper.

I spent all last night running around the bed, but I still didn’t catch up on my sleep.

It’s always good to have a fresh pair of eyes. Slightly disappointed they weren’t from the same donor though.

The Queen doesn’t appear to do much when she launches a ship, surely someone in her position should really push the boat out.

When William the Conqueror visited Nottingham Castle, he had pizza delivered and told them to change the keep.

I’ve been short-changed at a yard sale; I only got 35 inches.

A problem shared is a problem halved. Regrettably I’ve so far failed to apply that to utility bills.

Vicious mathematicians shouldn’t work in dreadful pubs; vile inns never solved anything.

I just found some raw toast.

I went to Muffin Break today, but they only do replacement muffins, not repairs.

If I tweet about bacteria, will you all help it to go viral?

I have a spring in my step today. Also a tiny cogwheel and a brass screw from an old clock.

Should I complain about this pressure cooker not working properly, or should I just keep a lid on it?

If you’re into bondage, it’s vital to have a partner you can truss completely.

If I hadn’t had fillet mignon last night, it would have been a missed steak.

Just saw a shepherd handing out hard boiled sweet mints for Christmas. Baa humbug.

I’ve been getting contractions all morning; it started with isn’t, then can’t and now I’ve just had a couple of don’ts.

If you can’t decide whether to buy a telepathic abacus as a Christmas gift, just remember it’s the thought that counts.

There are holes in our chest of drawers; I suspect they’ve been rifled.

Our dining room lights are too bright for eating Chinese takeaway meals; we have to dim sum.

I don’t know why I’ve been called supernumerary; maths has never been my strong point.

I’m concerned about this kebab; I suspect it may be from ancient grease.

Just had a watershed moment. The shed roof is leaking.

If you make allegations about crocodile tears, does that make you the alligator?

The Met Office are issuing a yellow warning for snow in some areas; whatever you do, AVOID THE YELLOW SNOW!

Spent a lot of time sole searching today. Eventually managed to prise the stone out.

Not impressed with this new ‘Soothing Apricot Toner’. The apricot I tested it on is neither soothed nor toned, and it tastes revolting.

I once tripped and fell on a cricket pitch in freshly ironed trousers; I ruined the crease.

I just discovered a greenhouse that’s only a stone’s throw away…

I’ve taken this barometer into four pubs so far; I think it’s broken.

I’m not a gossip; I just have a great sense of rumour.

On my last hospital visit I signed a doctor’s organ donation form, now there’s a man after my own heart.

I’m feeling a little left behind today. Later on I shall also feel my right side.

I have quite a large fan base. Although to be fair, the fan is still unstable and liable to fall over.

I need to buy a bigger scarf; my old one is too tight.

Finding accommodation for a flock of chickens was a big coup for me.

I’m feeling marginalised. I’m on page one, just to the left of the first paragraph.

They pulled the wool over my eyes once too often; I’ve exchanged the item for cotton.

This is a pretty kettle of fish, although the pot of toads is slightly unpleasant.

Don’t worry about parallel lines and vanishing points. It’s all a matter of perspective.

I couldn’t find a nutcracker, so I used a sledgehammer.

Don’t breed guppies. We have much bigger fish to fry.

I felt like I should be dusting or vacuuming. So I’m having a coffee until the feeling passes.

I take homeopathy with a pinch of salt. Of course the pinch of salt is so diluted that my descendants will be drinking it for generations.

Possession is nine-tenths of the law, but only if you exorcise regularly.

After pouring oil on troubled waters, I’m now pouring coffee through an anxious filter.

Do you want to increase your #SocialMedia presence?
Fluorescent paint will make a huge difference to your visibility.

I’m very concerned about an old well in our back garden; it’s not a tall well.

I had to give up being narcissistic when I realised I couldn’t spell it.

I couldn’t work in a cemetery; there are too many dead lines.

When the first speaker took the floor I was left balancing precariously on a joist.

In chemistry labs on casual Fridays, formaldehyde turns into spontaneousdehyde.

I’ve been setting the record straight today. The needle skips tracks if the record isn’t straight.

I’ve been finding my feet today.
Oh look, there they are again!

I’ve never been backward at coming forward in awkward parking spaces.

Just heard someone say their supply of ice is running dry. Our ice only ever runs wet.

I used to have a life outside of social media, but I forgot the password to it.

“Everybody you ever met in your life was brought to you for a reason.” Last night it was pizza.

Had a brush with the law yesterday; I found a box of toupees and now the police are combing the area.

I now realise that I will never be old enough to be grown up.

I was in a pretty pickle today. Well, I say pretty, gherkins are more attractive than actually pretty.

I’m up to my neck in it today, but then I’ve never gone without a shirt even when it’s hot…

What a fantastic start to the day; I went into another room and actually remembered why…

Belts are waisted on me.

Delighted to know that oily fish is good for you, because these reformed economy fish fingers soaked in melted lard really hit the spot.

I’ve been itching to study flea bites, but I don’t want to start from scratch.

I could eat French honey with every miel.

I’m ticked off with checklists that won’t let you work outside the box.

I’ve been shopping for a pair of pear paring knives, but only found one.

I was balancing the books today, until Jane Austen’s ‘Pride and Prejudice’ toppled the whole pile.

I’ll never get rid of these gnat bites; I think I’ll have to start from scratch.

I paused to listen mindfully to the gentle sounds that surround me today. Turns out to have been chewing gum on my shoe.

I was approached by a whistle blower today. I confiscated it.

Focus on the positives and forget the negatives, but not if you’re still using a film camera.

I don’t regret the demise of wired phones, except now I can’t slam the receiver down on the 95% of calls that are spam.

If you take a ballet degree, are you guaranteed to graduate with at least a tutu?

I’m not convinced those cardboard policemen are cut out for the job.

Fabrics are conspicuous at the Olympics; must be all the curtain raising and blanket coverage.

I attached some guitar strings to the cat once; turned it into a strumpet

Our cat doesn’t like lemon; what a sourpuss.

Best foot forward. However, involve your worst foot too, or you won’t get very far.

I’m ecstatic, which is a relief; the static was quite painful.

I’ve reported my triangular luggage as stolen; the Police tell me that it’s a case without parallel.

I’m on a roll. It’s cheese and tomato, but I don’t know who put it on the chair.

Visited an origami display that went terribly wrong; the whole thing unfolded right in front of us.

I’ve always been edgy, but as I get older, and rounder, my edges no longer appear to have an edge to them…

Nothing goes to waste, it all goes to waist.

Thinking outside of the box didn’t really help Schrödinger’s cat.

Surfers Against Sewage is a campaign against the blight of plastic pollution in our oceans. Also, their title works on more than one level…

Some strange times are afoot, well, 30 centimetres.

I can’t remember the name of my homing pigeon, but I’m sure it will come back to me.

Digging up grape plants felt de-vine.

People travelling to Australia from Britain are having their world turned upside down.

I’m a man of letters. Sorry, that should have said lettuce. It’s a lad thing, I mean a salad thing.

I went the extra mile today. Got off the bus at the wrong stop…

I tried 3D printing some Dutch footwear, but it clogged up the printer.

And now for some brilliant word-play for telepaths.

Lying through your teeth is still an option with dentures, as long as you keep them in.

I’ve had my milk chocolate sailing boat converted to dark chocolate; it’s all plain sailing now.

Know Pun Intended Promo Logo L

For other stuff in this blog, click on these links:

Humour

Puns and word-play

Quotations

Did You Know?


Did You Know?A thousand seconds is about 16 minutes, a million seconds is about 11 days and a billion seconds is about 32 years.

About 20 percent of the Earth’s land is desert.

Approximately every two minutes, we take more pictures than all of the photographs taken in the 19th century.

For every human on the planet there are approximately 1.6 million ants.

Hippopotamus milk is pink.

Honey is the only food that doesn’t spoil.

Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per person than any other country.

If the earth were completely flat, water would cover everything in a layer two miles deep.

Mammoths became extinct approximately 1,000 years after the Egyptians finished building the Great Pyramid.

Oxford University is centuries older than the Aztec Empire.

Pluto didn’t make a full orbit around the sun from the time it was discovered to when it was declassified as a planet.

Russia has a larger surface area than Pluto.

The full name of the toy Barbie is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

The ice that covers 98% of Antarctica holds 90% of the world’s fresh water.

The initials YKK on your zip stand for Yoshida Kōgyō Kabushiki Kaisha; YKK is a Japanese group of companies.

There are more atoms in a glass of water than there are glasses of water in all of the Earth’s seas.

There are more stars in the universe than there are grains of sand on every beach on Earth.

You are twice as likely to be killed by a vending machine than by a shark.


Back to the contents summary

For other stuff in this blog, click on these links:


Humour

Puns and word-play

Quotations



My Nottingham destination print

My Nottingham destination print

 

For other information about Nottingham click here

 

If you want to know more about Nottingham’s past there is further information in ‘Events and dates in Nottingham’s history’ and through these websites:

The Nottinghamshire Heritage Gateway

The Thoroton Society of Nottinghamshire

Nottingham Local Studies Library

 

Back to MumblingNerd’s home page