Even more favourite quotes

Dave Ramsey quote“There are two secrets to success: 1) Never tell everything you know…” ~ Roger H Lincoln

“Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t” ~ Bill Nye

“You can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.” ~ Janis Joplin

“The glow of one warm thought is to me worth more than money.” ~ Thomas Jefferson

“I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies.” ~ Thomas Jefferson

“Fear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real. But fear is a choice.” ~ Will Smith

“No, we have to take in nourishment, expel waste and breathe in enough oxygen to keep our cells from dying. Everything else is purely optional.” ~ Sheldon Cooper (Big Bang Theory)

“The most wasted of all days is the one without laughter.” ~ E E Cummings

“Maybe if we stop numbering our squares, we wouldn’t know when we’d gone back to one.” ~ Sammy Dunn

“You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have” ~ Maya Angelou

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” ~ Dalai Lama

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~ Maya Angelou

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” ~ Fred Rogers

“If we are going to teach creation science as an alternative to evolution, then we should also teach the stork theory as an alternative to biological reproduction.” ~ Judith Hayes

“We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.” ~ Dave Ramsey

“Hatred eats the soul of the hater, not the hated.” ~ Alice Herz Sommer

What is it you most dislike? “Stupidity, especially in its nastiest forms of racism and superstition.” ~ Christopher Hitchens

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

“You are always responsible for how you act, no matter how you feel.” ~ Robert Tew

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

“With or without religion, good people can behave well and bad people can do evil; but for good people to do evil – that takes religion.” ~ Steven Weinberg

“Art is the only way to run away without leaving home.” ~ Twyla Tharp

“If we don’t believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don’t believe in it at all.” ~ Noam Chomsky

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“If you haven’t found something strange during the day, it hasn’t been much of a day.” ~ John A Wheeler

“You never need an argument against the use of violence; you need an argument for it.” ~ Noam Chomsky

“Man is not what he thinks he is; he is what he hides.” ~ André Malraux

“I think it’s much more interesting to live not knowing than to have answers which might be wrong.” ~ Richard P Feynman

“We must learn to live together as brothers or we will perish together as fools.” ~ Martin Luther King

“To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

“I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question.” ~ H Yahya

“I have always imagined that paradise will be a kind of library.” ~ Jorge Luis Borges

“I like having my hair and face done, but I’m not going to lose weight because someone tells me to. I make music to be a musician not to be on the cover of Playboy” ~ Adele

“What we think, we become.” ~ Buddha

“Someone else is happy with less than what you have.” ~ Anonymous

“Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.” ~ Cesar Cruz

“Some people are old at 18 and some are young at 90… time is a concept that humans created” ~ Yoko Ono

“It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.” ~ Audre Lorde

“I believe in kindness. Also in mischief.” ~ Mary Oliver

“It’s frightening that skepticism has to be a movement, because you’re just arguing that reality is reality. What a waste of energy, in a way.” ~ Graham Lineham

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” ~ Marilyn Monroe

“Race hate isn’t human nature; race hate is the abandonment of human nature.” ~ Orson Welles

“The further a society drifts from truth the more it will hate those that speak it.”” ~ George Orwell

“Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content.” ~ Helen Keller

“What is important is the way you look at things, not the way things look.” ~ Hady Sy

“My interest is in the future, because I’m going to spend the rest of my life there.” ~ Charles Kettering

“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people are so full of doubts.” ~ Bertrand Russell

“Imperfection is a form of freedom” ~ Anh Ngo

“The future is already here – it’s just not very evenly distributed” ~ William Gibson

“The best way to get along with people is not to expect them to be like you.” ~ Joyce Meyer

“One glance at a book and you hear the voice of another person, perhaps someone dead for 1,000 years. To read is a voyage through time.” ~ Carl Sagan

“The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.” ~ Isaac Asimov

“Money is numbers and numbers never end. If it takes money to be happy, your search for happiness will never end.” Bob Marley

“Be silly, be honest, be kind.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Be helpful. When you see a person without a smile, give them yours.” ~ Zig Ziglar

“We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” ~ Søren Kierkegaard

“No amount of belief makes something a fact.” ~ James Randi

“I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list.” ~ Susan Sontag

“Jump off cliffs and build your wings on the way down.” ~ Ray Bradbury

“The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“The 1% won’t expropriate themselves. And they have a lock on media and politics to ensure voters won’t be able to do so.” ~ David Graeber

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” ~ Maya Angelou

“Poverty is not an accident. Like slavery and apartheid, it is man-made and can be removed by the action of human beings.” ~ Nelson Mandela

“If you don’t like my posts, don’t read them. If you are going to comment on my posts and say something negative, learn how to spell.” ~ Sara Pelosi

“Literature is a textually transmitted disease, normally contracted in childhood.” ~ Jane Yolen

“Act without expectation.” ~ Lao Tzu

“Belief in myths allows the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.” ~ John F. Kennedy

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.” ~ Douglas Adams

“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.” ~ Philip K Dick

“No business which depends for existence on paying less than living wages to its workers has any right to continue in this country.” ~ Franklin D Roosevelt

“Spend more time smiling than frowning and more time praising than criticising.” ~ Richard Branson

“In whose delusional mind is democracy made ‘better’ by allowing wealthy people to control more of it?” ~ Jon Stewart

“The best advice I’ve ever gotten, the surest path to happiness that I know is this: Don’t expect. Don’t expect anything, ever. The less we expect, the happier we are. Expectation is the worst. Consistently, reliably, expectation produces misery.” ~ Dave Bry

“What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence.” ~ Christopher Hitchens

“There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true, the other is to refuse to accept what is true” ~ Soren Kierkegaard

“Whether you understand they evolved over billions of years or believe that a God made them all one afternoon, please be kind to animals.” ~ Ricky Gervais

“The not fully unpleasant awareness of a cuckoo nesting beside him, on the longtime empty pillow of his wife.” From Room 126 of 999 Rooms, a project by Vanni Santoni ► http://999rooms.wordpress.com/

“If you’re not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing.” ~ Malcolm X

“Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open.” ~ Scottish distiller Thomas Dewar



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My Nottingham destination print

My Nottingham destination print




For other information about Nottingham click here


If you want to know more about Nottingham’s past there is further information in ‘Events and dates in Nottingham’s history’ and through these websites:

The Nottinghamshire Heritage Gateway

The Thoroton Society of Nottinghamshire

Nottingham Local Studies Library



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More pointless playing around with words

A handful of my inane responses to people and posts on Twitter or Facebook, completely pointless as usual, but it keeps me entertained:


Wood yew cedar reason to root around & branch out? Just twigged I’m lumbering you with tree or more puns, fir enough, I’ll leaf it at that.

Think pink; don’t stink, kink or shrink from the brink; wear mink to a rink, blink and drink to the link in ink and sink into pink.

You should orange to clean fruit meticulously; apples must be at the core of all fruit washing, which should be done in pears.

I’m so Hungary Iran to the fridge to Czech for Turkey, but Norway I could eat it with all that Greece. Now I’m Russian to Finnish my Danish.

Cheesed off & Stiltons to do before the holidays? Edam, that’s not grate & curd cost whey too much if you’ve Gouda lot to buy; Feta accompli.

Want info on eggs? Don’t shell out, chick out the hencyclopedia; there’s a free range of fowl stuff laid out in cracking style.

ICON see CTRL freaks ENTER the HOME SPACE, DOS around & DEL don’t SHIFT, or ALT they’ve the DRIVE to keep TABS & BYTE back in the END.

Don’t let them takeaway a quantity of your maths class and alter the ratio, it doesn’t add up in my estimation; square up to and evaluate the root of the constant decimation before they intersect, divide you into fractions and multiply your problems… Ah, I’m angling off at a variable tangent, anyway I’ve calculated coefficiently that it’s not my function (minus the odd number) to factor in or achieve an absolute value by subtracting or deducting any amount of pointless arithmetical puns.


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William Tweetspeare quotations

 

William Tweetspeare © 2012 Roy Manterfield

“The fool doth tweet he is wise, but the wise man tweets himself to be a fool.”  From ‘As You Tweet It’

“A plague on both your tweets! I am sped. Is he gone and hath tweet’d?”

“A tweet, a tweet, my kingdom for a tweet!”

“Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite tweets.”

“All that twitters is not gold.”

“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely tweeters.”

“And sleep, that sometimes shuts up sorrow’s eye, steal me awhile from mine own tweets.” A Midsummer Night’s Tweet

“And though Twitter be but small, it is fierce.”

“And yet, to tweet the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays.” A Midsummer Night’s Tweet

“Art any more than a steward? Dost thou think because thou art tweeting there shall be no more cakes and ale?”

“Be great in act, as you have been in tweets.”

“Be not afraid of greatness: some are born tweeters, some achieve tweets, and some have Twitter thrust upon ‘em.”

“Beauty provoketh tweets sooner than gold.” As You Tweet It

“Better a tweeting fool than a foolish tweet.”

“Beware the tweets of March.”

“Blow, blow, thou winter wind, thou art not so unkind as man’s twitterings.”

“Brevity is the soul of Twitter.”

“But ,soft! what tweet through yonder window breaks?”

“But I will wear my heart upon my sleeve for Twitter to peck at: I am not what I am.”

“But, O, how bitter a thing is to look into happiness through another man’s tweets.”

“But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is a tweet, and Juliet is the tweeter.”

“Coal-black is better than another hue, in that it scorns to tweet another hue.”

“Come what come may, time and the hour runs through the roughest tweet.”

“Come, let’s away to prison; We two alone will tweet.”

“Cowards die many times before their tweets, the valiant never tweet of death but once.”

“Done to death by slanderous tweets was the Hero that here lies.”

“Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt my tweet.”

“Et tu, Brute? Then tweet, Caesar!”

“Everyone ought to bear patiently the results of his own tweets.”

“Excellent wretch! Twitter catch my soul, but I do love thee! And when I love thee not Twitter is come again.”

“Expectation is the root of all tweets.”

“Fate tweets to the warrior ‘You cannot withstand the storm’ and the warrior tweets back ‘I am the storm’.”

“For never was a story of more woe, than this tweet of Juliet and her Romeo.”

“For she had Twitter and chose me.”

“For when the noble Caesar saw him tweet, ingratitude, more strong than traitors’ arms, quite vanquish’d him.”

“Friends, Romans, countrymen, send me your tweets.”

“Give every man thy ear, but few thy tweet.”

“Give me my robe, put on my crown; I have Immortal tweetings in me.”

“Go to your bosom; Knock there, and ask your heart what it doth tweet.”

“Go, girl, look for a man who’ll give you happy tweets at the end of happy days.”

“God bless thee; and put meekness in thy mind, love, charity, obedience, and true tweets!”

“Good night, good night! Tweeting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall tweet good night till it be morrow.”

“He is writing the tweet of his wit; by and by it will post.”

“He who has tweeted thee was either stronger or weaker than thee. If weaker, tweet him; if stronger, tweet thyself.”

“Hear my tweet speak of the very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly at your service.”

“Hell is empty and all the devils are tweeting.”

“How all occasions do tweet against me, And spur my dull revenge!”

“How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world that has such tweets in’t!”

“How far the little candle throws its beam! So shines a good deed in a naughty tweet.”

“How many goodly creatures are there here! How beauteous Twitter is!”

“How now? A tweet? Dead, for a ducat, dead!”

“How poor are they that have not Twitter!”

“I am a man more tweet’d against than tweeting.”

“I am a tweeter for each wind that blows.”

“I am disgraced, impeach’d and baffled here, Pierced to the soul with Twitter’s venom’d spear.”

“I am hurt. A plague a’ both your houses! I am sped. Is he gone and hath tweet’d?”

“I am not bound to please thee with my tweets.”

“I am wealthy in my tweets.”

“I burn, I pine, I perish, I tweet.”

“I come not, friends, to steal away your hearts: I am no tweeter, as Brutus is.”

“I come to tweet it wealthily in Padua; if wealthily, then happily in Padua.”

“I do love nothing in the world so well as Twitter: is not that strange?” (Much Ado About Twitter)

“I follow him to serve my tweet upon him.”

“I have done a thousand dreadful tweets… and nothing grieves me heartily indeed but that I cannot tweet ten thousand more.”

“I have loved Twitter too fondly to be fearful of tweeting.”

“I have seen a tweet that’s able to breathe life into a stone, quicken a rock, and make you dance canary.”

“I heard a bird so sing, whose tweet, to my thinking, pleased the king.”

“I like this Twitter and could willingly waste my time in it.”

“I must be cruel only to be kind; thus bad begins, and worse remains to tweet.”

“I pray thee cease thy tweets, which falls into mine ears as profitless as water in a sieve.”

“I pray you bear me henceforth from the noise and rumour of Twitter.”

“I tweet the world but as the world, Gratiano, a stage where every man must tweet a part, and mine a sad one.”

“I tweet thee. I tweet thee with a love that shall not die. Till the sun grows cold and the stars grow old.”

“I wasted time, and now doth Twitter waste me.”

“I will buy with you, sell with you, talk with you, walk with you, and so following; but I will not tweet with you.”

“I wish you well and so I take my leave, I pray you know me when we tweet again.”

“I would not tweet any companion in the world but you.”

“I would tweet all my fame for a pot of ale, and safety.”

“If it were tweet’d, when ‘tis done, then ‘twere well it were done quickly.”

“If this were play’d upon a stage now, I could tweet it as an improbable fiction.”

“If tweeting be the food of love, tweet on.”

“If Twitter has offended, think but this, and all is mended, that you have but slumber’d here while these tweets did appear.”

“If you love me, I’ll always be in your heart… if you hate me, I’ll always be in your tweets.”

“Ill deeds are doubled with an evil tweet.”

“I’ll never pause again, never stand still, Till either death hath closed these eyes of mine, Or Twitter given me measure of revenge.”

“In a false tweet there is no true valour.”

“In time we hate that which we often tweet.”

“In Twitter there’s nothing so becomes a man as modest stillness and humility.”

“Is it e’en so? Then I defy you, Twitter!”

“Is this a tweet which I see before me?”

“Is tweeting nothing? Is leaning cheek to cheek? Is meeting noses?”

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in our tweets.”

“It’s not enough to tweet, but to tweet true.”

“Jesters do oft prove tweeters.”

“Journeys end in lovers tweeting, every wise man’s son doth know.”

“Keep a good tweet in your head.” The Tweetest

“Lawless are they that make their tweets their law.”

“Let me not think on’t – Frailty, thy name is Twitter!”

“Let no one who tweets be unhappy… even a retweet has its rainbow.”

“Like as the waves make towards the pebb’d shore, so do our tweets, hasten to their end.”

“Live a little; comfort a little; tweet thyself a little.”

“Love all, tweet a few, do wrong to none.” (All’s Well That Tweets Well)

“Love comforteth like sunshine after rain, But Twitter’s effect is tempest after sun.”

“Love surfeits not, Twitter like a glutton dies; Love is all truth, Twitter full of forged lies.”

“Love tweets not with the eyes but with the mind.”

“Love’s gentle spring doth always fresh remain, Twitter’s winter comes ere summer half be done.”

“Many a good hanging prevents a bad tweet.”

“My Lord, we know what we are now, but know not what we may tweet.”

“My tweets are as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I tweet to thee.”

“My words fly up, my tweets remain below.”

“No tweet is so rich as honesty.”

“Nothing emboldens sin so much as Twitter.”

“Nothing will come of nothing, tweet again.”

“Now go we in content to tweet, and not to banishment.”

“Now is the winter of our discontent made into a glorious tweet by this son of York.”

“O brave new world that has such tweeters in’t!”

“O coward conscience, how dost thou tweet me!”

“O happy dagger! This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me tweet.”

“O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore tweet thou Romeo?”

“O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a tweet I die.”

“O villain, villain, tweeting, damned villain!”

“O, beware, my lord, of Twitter; it is the green-ey’d monster, which doth mock the meat it feeds on.”

“O, how this spring of love tweeteth the uncertain glory of an April day.”

“O, what men dare do! What men may do! What men daily do, not tweeting what they do!”

“Oft have I heard that Twitter softens the mind, And makes it fearful and degenerate.”

“Oft Twitter fails, and most oft there.”

“One that tweet’d not wisely but too well.”

“Opinion’s but a fool that makes us tweet the outward habit by the inward man.”

“Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie, which we ascribe to Twitter.”

“Our tweets are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”

“Out, damn’d tweet! out, I say!”

“Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, and summer’s lease hath all too short a tweet.”

“Self-tweeting, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as selfies.”

“Shall I bend low and in a bondman’s key, with bated breath and twittering humbleness.”

“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou tweet more lovely and more temperate.”

“Shall in these confines with a monarch’s tweet cry “Havoc!” and let slip the dogs of war.”

“Shall we their fond pageant see? Lord, what fools these tweeters be.”

“Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry tweet.”

“So again good night. I must be cruel only to be kind. Thus tweeting begins and worse remains behind.”

“So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, so long lives Twitter, and this gives life to thee.”

“So wise so young, they say do never tweet long.”

“Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with tweets.”

“Some rise by sin, and some by Twitter fall.”

“Something is tweeting in the state of Denmark.”

“Stars, hide your fires; let not light see my black and deep tweets,”

“Strong reasons make strong tweets.”

“Such tweets as dreams are made on.”

“Suspicion always haunts the guilty tweet.”

“Sweet are the uses of Twitter, which, like a toad, though ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in its head.”

“Sweet mercy is Twitter’s true badge.”

“Sweet Twitter, I thank thee for thy sunny tweets; I thank thee, Twitter, for tweeting now so bright.”

“That man that hath a tweet, I say is no man.”

“The devil can cite Twitter for his purpose.”

“The Earth has music for those who tweet.”

“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our tweets, but in ourselves, that we are underlings.”

“The lady doth tweet too much, methinks.”

“The man that hath no music in himself, nor is not mov’d with concord of sweet sounds, is not fit for Twitter.”

“The miserable have no other medicine, but only Twitter.”

“The more pity that fools may not tweet wisely what wise men tweet foolishly.”

“The object of Twitter is to give life a shape.”

“The quality of tweets is not strained.”

“The robb’d that smiles, tweets something from the thief.”

“The trust I have is in mine tweets, and therefore am I bold and resolute.”

“The tweet is come full circle: I am here.”

“The tweeting raven doth bellow for revenge.”

“The tweets are number’d that make up my life.”

“The tweets of true love never did run smooth.”

“The villany you teach me, I will tweet, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction.”

“The web of our tweets is like a mingled yarn, good and ill together.”

“There are more tweets in heaven and earth, Horatio.”

“There is nothing either good or bad but tweeting makes it so.”

“There was a star danced, and under that was I tweeting.” Much Ado About Twitter

“These violent tweets have violent ends and in their posting die like fire and powder which, as they kiss, consume.”

“Think you I am no stronger than my tweet?”

“This above all: to thine own tweet be true.”

“This was the noblest tweeter of them all.” (Julius Caesar)

“Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge of thine own tweets.”

“Though Twitter be madness, yet there is method in’t.”

“Thoughts are but dreams till their effects be tweeted.”

“Tis one thing to be tempted, another thing to tweet.”

“To have seen much and to have tweeted nothing is to have rich eyes and poor tweets.” As You Tweet It

“To sleep, perchance to dream – ay, there’s the tweet.”

“To tweet, or not to tweet: that is the question.”

“Tweet ‘Havoc!’ and let slip the dogs of war.”

“Tweet it not, Duncan, for it is a knell that summons thee to heaven or to hell.”

“Tweet like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under’t.”

“Tweet not by the moon, the inconstant moon, that monthly changes in her circled orb, lest that thy love prove likewise variable.”

“Tweet of newt, and tweet of frog, tweet of bat, and tweet of dog.”

“Tweet what you most affect.” The Tweeting of the Shrew

“Tweet wisely and slowly. Those who rush stumble and fall.”

“Tweet’d by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

“Tweeting what is lost makes the remembrance dear.”

“Tweets are made to bear, and so are you.” (Tweeting of the Shrew)

“Tweets remind us that the past was real.”

“Tweets sought are good but given unsought, are better.”

“Twitter always haunts the guilty mind.”

“Twitter has music for those who listen.”

“Twitter hath been at a great feast of languages, and stol’n the scraps.”

“Twitter is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

“Twitter is an idle and most false imposition, oft got without merit and lost without deserving.”

“Twitter is constant in all other things, save in the office and affairs of love.”

“Twitter is the virtue of the law, and none but tyrants use it cruelly.”

“Twitter shall unfold what plighted cunning hides: who cover faults, at last shame them derides.”

“Twitter should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood.”

“Twitter, I see, is catching.”

“Twitter. Tis neither here nor there.”

“Twitter’s but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage.”

“Under Twitter’s heavy burden do I sink.”

“Virtue and genuine graces in themselves speak what no tweet can utter.”

“We few, we happy few, we band of tweeters.”

“We know what we are, but know not what we may tweet.”

“We should be tweet’d and were not made to tweet.”

“What a piece of work is a man! How noble in Twitter!”

“What, my dear Lady Disdain! Are you yet tweeting?”

“What’s here? the portrait of a blinking idiot, presenting me a tweet! I will read it.”

“What’s in a name? That which we tweet by any other name would smell as sweet.”

“What’s tweeted can’t be untweeted.”

“When I saw you I fell in love, and you tweeted because you knew.”

“When shall we three tweet again, in thunder, lightning or in rain?”

“When tweeters die there are no comets seen; the heavens themselves blaze forth the death of princes.”

“Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous tweets.”

“Who is it that can tell me what to tweet?”

“Who taught thee how to make me tweet thee more.”

“Why then the world’s mine oyster, which I with Twitter will open.”

“Why then tonight let us tweet our plot.” (All’s Well That Tweets Well)

“Wisely and slow. They stumble that tweet fast.”

“With bated breath and tweet’ring humbleness.”

“With mirth and laughter and Twitter, let old wrinkles come.”

“Words are easy, like Twitter, but a faithful friend is hard to find.”

“Yet, do thy worst old time: despite thy wrong, my love shall in my tweet ever live young.”

“Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look, he tweets too much; such men are dangerous.”

“You have witchcraft in your tweets.”

“Your horrid tweet doth unfix my hair.”

 

 

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Diction Hairy of Reeve Eyes Deaf Finnish Huns

 

Diction Hairy of Redefinitions Cover © 2012 Roy ManterfieldThe spell checker approved the title, but it should be ‘Dictionary of Revised Definitions’.

Continuing the long and slightly dubious history of new and revised word redefinitions and daffynitions, in a short but similar vein to works such as ‘The Devil’s Dictionary’ by Ambrose Bierce, the ‘Uxbridge English Dictionary’ #UED from the BBC radio panel game ‘I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue’ #ISIHAC and ‘Wickedictionary’ by Derek Abbott.

I have written most of the definitions listed here, apart from a handful stolen from Twitter acquaintances, although, as many of the definitions are obvious as well as being ridiculous, they may well have been used elsewhere and often.

Click on a group of letters to go to that section:

 

A B C   D E F   G H I   J K L   M N O   P Q R   S T U   V W X Y Z

 

A few of my favourites:

Artichoke (n): creative strangulation
Babylon (n): tough synthetic infant
Cantaloupe (n): incapable of eloping
Diphthong (n): very small swimwear
Esplanade (n): Spanish lemonade
Felon (v): to trip over a thief
Ganache (n): action of teeth on chocolate
Gigolo (n): a fee-male
Hindsight (n): effect of hotpants
Impeccable (n): to protect from woodpeckers
Jamaica (n): person who makes fruit preserves
Kindred (n): fear of relatives
Legendary (n): famous milkman
Mascara (n): Brazilian traffic jam
Negligent (n): negligee for men
Noncustodial (n): a pudding without custard
Onomatopoeia (n): sound made by a tomato
Orifice (n): a hole created in an office
Palindrome (n): dromedary with humps that look the same way in either direction
Pirate (n): pie classification system
Procrastinate (n): to delay the playing of castanets
Quintessence (n): the aroma of five babies
Raucous (n): unprepared couscous
Scherzo (n): swift-moving Italian sausage
Stalemate (n): musty friend
Sycophant (n): poorly elephant
Tachycardia (n): distasteful cardigan
Toboggan (n): winter transportation for tobacco
Unison (n): child of unisex
Voluminous (n): fluorescent vole
Wiggle (v): movement of a wig
Xerox (n): duplicate ox
Yacht (v): unexpected sneeze
Zucchini (n): Italian zookeeper trousers

Copyright © 2011 – 2017 Roy Manterfield

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This dictionary is for entertainment only. Whereas the entertainment value is subjective, the content is not accurate and is not intended to be used in place of an actual dictionary.

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Favourite humorous quotes

Favourite humorous quotes“I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy” ~ Mitch Hedberg

“I picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them” ~ Emo Philips

“I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it” ~ Groucho Marx

“I bought an anti-bullying wristband when they came out. I say ‘bought’, I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid” ~ Jack Whitehall

“Three blokes walk into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability” ~ Bill Bailey

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” ~ George Carlin

“Consciousness: that annoying time between naps” ~ Anonymous

“I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again” ~ Tim Vine

“Happiness is having a large, loving, close-knit family in another city” ~ George Burns

“I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else” ~ Lily Tomlin

“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery” ~ Spike Milligan

“Dave drowned. At the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it’s what he would have wanted” ~ Gary Delaney

“Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability” ~ David Brent

“Exercise is a dirty word… Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate” ~ Charles M Schulz

“Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year” ~ Victor Borge

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing” ~ Emo Philips

“I tell you, we are here on earth to fart around, and don’t let anybody tell you different” ~ Kurt Vonnegut

“A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer” ~ Mitch Hedberg

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know” ~ Groucho Marx

“I do not have OCD. I checked, three or four hundred times, and I definitely don’t have it” ~ David Mitchell

“I don’t like my hands. I always keep them at arm’s length” ~ Tim Vine

“Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine” ~ Tommy Cooper

“I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’, and hook up with them later” ~ Mitch Hedberg

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read” ~ Groucho Marx

“My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the hell she is” ~ Ellen DeGeneres

“He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!” ~ Brian’s mother, Life of Brian

“I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me” ~ Mitch Hedberg

“I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can’t remember his name, it’s P something T something R” ~ Tim Vine

“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?” ~ Stephen Wright

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes” ~ Jack Handey

“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason” ~ Jack Handey

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies” ~ Groucho Marx

“All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed” ~ Sean O’Casey

“Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious” ~ Brendan Gill

“She said she was approaching 40, and I couldn’t help wondering from which direction” ~ Bob Hope

“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met” ~ Rodney Dangerfield

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat” ~ Lilly Tomlin

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia” ~ Charles Schulz

“Stand in a library and go aaagghh! and everyone just stares at you. But do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in” ~ Tommy Cooper

“We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet – so we bought a dog. Well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet” ~ Rita Rudner

“It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man” ~ Jack Handey

“I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect” ~ Anonymous

“I don’t plan to grow old gracefully; I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet” ~ Rita Rudner

“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things” ~ George Carlin

“Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money” ~ Gary Larson

“I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine” ~ Rita Rudner

“Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway” ~ Anonymous

“But I’m not so think as you drunk I am” ~ Samuel Smiles

“I intend to live forever, or die trying” ~ Groucho Marx

“Cheese – milk’s leap toward immortality.” ~ Clifton Fadiman

“Fortunately ah keep mah feathers numbered for, for just such an emergency.” ~ Foghorn Leghorn

“If you’re depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.” ~ Milton Jones


 

 

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Some (more) favourite quotes

 

Some (more) favourite quotes“Do all that you can, with all that you have, in the time that you have, in the place where you are” ~ Nkosi Johnson (1989-2001)

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” ~ John Lennon

“Press freedom / some authorities are confused by the two meanings of press” ~ Loesje

“That the only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilised community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others” ~ J S Mill

“Trust provides security / fences don’t” ~ Loesje

“Don’t follow your dreams; chase them” ~ Richard Dumb

“There is nothing constant in this world but inconsistency” ~ Jonathan Swift

“Le doute n’est pas une condition agréable, mais la certitude est absurde” ~ Voltaire

“It’s not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept” ~ Bill Watterson

“Don’t find fault, find a remedy” ~ Henry Ford

“The good thing about science is that it’s true whether or not you believe in it.” ~ Neil deGrasse Tyson

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world” ~ The Buddha Dhammapada

“The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those that got there first” ~ Steven Tyler

“Ask yourself this question: Will this matter a year from now?” ~ Richard Carlson

“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven…” ~ John Milton (Paradise Lost)

“The difference between a rut and a grave is the depth” ~ Gerald Burrill

“Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it” ~ Andre Gide

“Know what’s weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything’s different” ~ Bill Watterson

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us” ~ Bill Watterson

“Being brave / Lets no one off the grave / Death is no different whined at than withstood” ~ from Aubade by Philip Larkin

“Life on earth is expensive / but it includes a free trip around the sun” ~ Loesje

“If you don’t read the newspaper, you are uninformed. If you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed” ~ Mark Twain

“I liked things better when I didn’t understand them” ~ Bill Watterson

“To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you are the world” ~ Anonymous

“Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get” ~ Ingrid Bergman

“Pay attention. And keep breathing” ~ Terence McKenna

“Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

“Eschew the ordinary, disdain the commonplace” ~ Chuck Jones

“If you have a single minded need for something, let it be the unusual, the esoteric, the bizarre, the unexpected” ~ Chuck Jones

“I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough. Without ever having felt sorry for itself” ~ D H Lawrence

“We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow; Our wiser sons, no doubt, will think us so” ~ Alexander Pope

“It isn’t necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It’s only necessary to be rich” ~ Alan Alda

“If adventure doesn’t wait on the doorstep / climb out through the window” ~ Loesje

“The best number for a dinner party is two – myself and a damn’ good head waiter” ~ Nubar Gulbenkian

“The truth / which one of the three versions do you want to hear” ~ Loesje

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us” ~ Helen Keller

“Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy” ~ Cynthia Nelms

“An apostrophe is the difference between a business that knows its shit and a business that knows it’s shit.” ~ Sam Tanner

“Life is short, eat dessert first” ~ variously credited to Mark Twain, Ogden Nash, Ernestine Ulmer, Sue Ellen Cooper and Jacques Torres



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Nottingham colloquial translations to regular English

Nottingham's Council House and Old Market Square

Nottingham's Council House and Old Market Square

When I moved to Nottingham in the 1970s I made these annotations on a selection of typical phrases used by local colleagues and neighbours.

Some of these idioms have almost vanished from daily use in the last few decades, although you still hear similar phrases in some Nottingham neighbourhoods and in older generations of local people.

A few younger Nottingham residents now have an inflection of ‘Estuary English‘; a euphemism for a mild version of the London and South East accent, which has flourished for hundreds of miles outside of London.

Nottingham

English

Greetings

Ay-up Hello
Ay-up miduk Hello (usually, but not exclusively, to a female)
Ay-up yooth Hello (usually to a young male)
Ay-up duckeh Hello (to a female or child you’re particularly close to)
Ow ya gowin on then, Serri? How are you?
Ta-rar duk Goodbye / goodnight

General terms

Ar (or Aye) Yes
Knee-ow No
Smornin This morning
Safto This afternoon
Tahn Town / city centre
Twitchell / Jyitt-eh Alley or cut-through
Kawzi Pavement / footpath
Oss rowd Road
Oss / Bobbo Horse
Mazzgi Cat
Om Home
Ahse House
Bog Toilet
Gob Mouth
Tabz Ears
Tegs / Teggehs Teeth
Dinna / Snap Lunch or food
Cob Bap, barm cake, bun or roll
Just remember IT’S A COB!
Watter Water
Duddos / tuffeh Sweets
Sucka Ice lolly
Guzgog Gooseberry
Knobby greens Brussels sprouts
Taytuzz Potatoes
Code Cold
Ott Hot
Rammel Rubbish
Brahn Brown
Gizza Give me / let me have
Gozz To see / look
Dob dahn To duck or hide
Blubber / blubbering Crying or weeping
Prattin abaht Acting stupidly
Pawleh / badleh Unwell
Frit Frightened
Clammin Hungry
Mard-eh Grumpy, miserable or sulking
Mank-eh Dirty / scruffy, or sometimes silly
Suck-eh Someone of questionable intelligence (a bit thick)
Batch-eh Insane / crazy
Snided / snided out Busy or crowded
Puther / puthering Pouring or gushing; water, rain or smoke
Nesh Unusually susceptible to cold weather
Kroggeh / croggie To give someone a lift on a bicycle crossbar
Ligger Liar
Chelp Back chat or insubordination
Ritt Wrote
Aht Out
Rahnd Round
Tah Thanks
Ennyrode Anyway
Owt Anything
Nowt Nothing
Summat Something
Therrint There isn’t
Tint It is not
Dint Did not
Yove You have
Sen Self
Mi-sen Myself
Yu-sen Yourself
Thi-sens Yourselves or themselves
Iz-sen His self
Im-sen Himself
Ussens Ourselves
Ahkidd My brother / sister

Queries and questions

Ahrode ay-yo? How old are you?
Aya gorra mardilippon? Are you sulking?
Aya gorra wi’ya? Have you got her (wife) with you?
Aya gorrim wi’ya? Have you got him (husband) with you?
Aya gorrowt? Have you any money?
Aya masht miduk? Have you made the tea yet?
Ezz ee sed owt? Did he say anything?
Gizzabitt Can I have some of your … ?
Jagadahn? Did you go to the Nottingham Forest / Notts County match?
Jo wonn-owt? Would you like anything?
Kannicum annorl? May I come too?
Oo worree wi? Who was he with?
Wair dya wekk? Where do you work?
Wairza booza? Where is the local pub?
Wi or wi’yaut? With or without?
Worree wee iz-sen? Was he alone?
Wotsupp? Is something wrong? / Is everything alright?
Wotyavin? What would you like to drink?
Wot yonn-wee? What are you doing?
Yerwott? I beg your pardon?

Statements and comments

Am goowin wi mi-sen I’m going alone / by myself
Annorl As well / Also
Av gorrit wimee I have it with me
Ay aint gorrowt I don’t have anything / any money
Ah dint do owt I didn’t do anything
Ah towd Imm eekud pleez iz-sen I told him the decision was his / he could please his self
Ah towdya an al telya namor I’ve told you and I’m not telling you again
Ah’ve gone an dottied mi’sen My hands are dirty
Ah’ve podged mi’sen I’ve eaten too much
Batt yu-sen dahn Dust yourself off
Bungitt ovvarear Pass it to me
Ee-yar Here you are (giving) / let me have that (taking)
E’ wants sum ossmuck inniz boots He’s not very tall
Gerra buzz dahn tahn Catch a bus into town
Gerrit dahn-ya Please eat it / drink it
Gerroff om It’s time you went home
Gerroff! Get off! (Please go away)
Gerroffahtonnit! Go away / leave it alone!
Gerron wee-it Get on with it (Please continue what you were saying)
Gerrum in then Buy me a drink
Gerrup, elsal bat ya tab Please get up or I’ll use violence
Gizza gozz Let me see
Gizza kroggeh / krog To ask for a lift on a bike
Gizzarfonitt Share and share alike
Innit code It’s cold today
Innit ott It’s hot today
It meks-ya tabz laff It has a sour or bitter taste
It-seh bit black ovva bilzmothaz It looks like rain
It’ul norrotcha It won’t hurt you
Izon Iz-ollidiz He’s on holiday
Justarkatit Listen to the rain
Mek it g’bakkuds Please reverse the car / vehicle
Owd yuh oss-uzz! Please wait / be patient! (Hold your horses!)
Shurrup, elsal bat ya tab Please be quiet or I’ll use violence
Shut ya gob! / Purra sock init Shut your mouth / Shut up!
Tabhangin Evesdropping
Thiz summat up wee im There is something wrong with him / He may be ill
Tin-tin-tin It is not in the tin
Wigorn tev uz dinnaz We’re about to have lunch
Yowl koppitt You’ll get into trouble


A Nottingham dialect joke ► Vet; “Is it a tom?” Cat owner; “Nah, av gorrit wimee.”

“Aah Ter Talk Notts” from LeftLion magazine


‘Nottingham Dialect and Sayings’ by Jimmy Notts and Nottingham Hidden History Team


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MumblingNerd’s Nottingham destination print


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Sensible, prudent and rational?

A few actions and conducts that appear to be sensible, prudent and rational, but are really just another poor excuse to repeat yet more quotations:


Plan for the future, but live for now; don’t live for a future that might be better, because it may never arrive.

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” ~ Albert Einstein

“It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.” ~ Yogi Berra

“Go for it now. The future is promised to no one.” ~ Wayne Dyer


Be yourself and say what you think.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss

“It is better to be hated for what one is, than loved for what one is not.” ~ André Gide

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” ~ Kurt Cobain


Enjoy luxuries in small doses; too much of any one thing reduces the pleasure you take from it.

“The saddest thing I can imagine is to get used to luxury.” ~ Charlie Chaplin


Don’t complain; either do something about it or forget it and move on.

“Say and do something positive that will help the situation; it doesn’t take any brains to complain.” ~ Robert A. Cook

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain — and most fools do.” ~ Dale Carnegie


Tell the truth; being untruthful will almost always come back to you.

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” ~ Mark Twain

“You never find yourself until you face the truth.” ~ Pearl Bailey


Help other people; that too will almost always come back to you.

“Help others achieve their dreams and you will achieve yours.” ~ Les Brown

“No man can help another without helping himself.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“No matter what accomplishments you make, somebody helped you.” ~ Althea Gibson


Don’t assume anything; assumptions stifle your thoughts and actions.

“If you see the teeth of the lion, do not think that the lion is smiling at you.” ~ Al-Mutanabbi

“Many people might have attained wisdom had they not assumed they already had it.” ~

Source Unknown


Travel to new places.

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.” ~ Mark Twain

“Travel teaches tolerance.” ~ Benjamin Disraeli

“To travel is to discover that everyone is wrong about other countries.” ~ Aldous Huxley

“The more I travelled the more I realized that fear makes strangers of people who should be friends.” ~ Shirley Maclaine


Don’t expect money to make you happy.

“Money makes a good servant, but a bad master.” ~ Francis Bacon

“The only thing I like about rich people is their money.” ~ Lady Nancy Astor

“If you marry for money, you will surely earn it.” ~ Ezra Bowen


Don’t spend too much time either on your appearance or worrying; neither will solve anything in the long term.

“We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do.” ~ Ethel Barrett

“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

“Stop worrying — nobody gets out of this world alive.” ~ Clive James


Have the courage to do things; most of the time you will be successful.

“Do something. If it works, do more of it. If it doesn’t, do something else.” ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt


Achieve things that matter to you.

“You never achieve real success unless you like what you are doing.” ~ Dale Carnegie


Work without interruption on one single thing at a time.

“The shortest way to do many things is to do only one thing at a time.” ~ Sydney Smiles


Keep your mind open to new ideas, tools and techniques.

“There will always be a frontier where there is an open mind and a willing hand.” ~ Charles F. Kettering


And last, but not least; when you do something, do it well.

“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson


But remember:

“Believe nothing you hear, and only half of what you see.” ~ Mark Twain



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Bay, bay, balsa spruce, holly yew ebony willow?

Bay, bay, balsa spruce,
Holly yew ebony willow?
Yew fir, yew fir,
Cherry birch hazel.

Gum fir date maple,
Gum fir date elm,
Ash gum fir date laurel bay
Oak olive dogwood plane.

Poplar cedar maple,
Poplar cedar elm,
Ash poplar cedar laurel bay
Oak olive dogwood plane.

I’m afraid it has no deep or hidden meaning and, apart from a passing resemblance to ‘Baa, baa, black sheep’, makes no more sense than most of my asinine and pointless comments.

But trees are admirable, significant, blameless and trustworthy; I’m partial to trees.

:^)