Even more favourite quotes

Dave Ramsey quote“There are two secrets to success: 1) Never tell everything you know…” ~ Roger H Lincoln

“Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t” ~ Bill Nye

“You can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.” ~ Janis Joplin

“The glow of one warm thought is to me worth more than money.” ~ Thomas Jefferson

“I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies.” ~ Thomas Jefferson

“Fear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real. But fear is a choice.” ~ Will Smith

“No, we have to take in nourishment, expel waste and breathe in enough oxygen to keep our cells from dying. Everything else is purely optional.” ~ Sheldon Cooper (Big Bang Theory)

“The most wasted of all days is the one without laughter.” ~ E E Cummings

“Maybe if we stop numbering our squares, we wouldn’t know when we’d gone back to one.” ~ Sammy Dunn

“You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have” ~ Maya Angelou

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” ~ Dalai Lama

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~ Maya Angelou

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” ~ Fred Rogers

“If we are going to teach creation science as an alternative to evolution, then we should also teach the stork theory as an alternative to biological reproduction.” ~ Judith Hayes

“We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.” ~ Dave Ramsey

“Hatred eats the soul of the hater, not the hated.” ~ Alice Herz Sommer

What is it you most dislike? “Stupidity, especially in its nastiest forms of racism and superstition.” ~ Christopher Hitchens

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

“You are always responsible for how you act, no matter how you feel.” ~ Robert Tew

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

“With or without religion, good people can behave well and bad people can do evil; but for good people to do evil – that takes religion.” ~ Steven Weinberg

“Art is the only way to run away without leaving home.” ~ Twyla Tharp

“If we don’t believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don’t believe in it at all.” ~ Noam Chomsky

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“If you haven’t found something strange during the day, it hasn’t been much of a day.” ~ John A Wheeler

“You never need an argument against the use of violence; you need an argument for it.” ~ Noam Chomsky

“Man is not what he thinks he is; he is what he hides.” ~ André Malraux

“I think it’s much more interesting to live not knowing than to have answers which might be wrong.” ~ Richard P Feynman

“We must learn to live together as brothers or we will perish together as fools.” ~ Martin Luther King

“To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

“I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question.” ~ H Yahya

“I have always imagined that paradise will be a kind of library.” ~ Jorge Luis Borges

“I like having my hair and face done, but I’m not going to lose weight because someone tells me to. I make music to be a musician not to be on the cover of Playboy” ~ Adele

“What we think, we become.” ~ Buddha

“Someone else is happy with less than what you have.” ~ Anonymous

“Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.” ~ Cesar Cruz

“Some people are old at 18 and some are young at 90… time is a concept that humans created” ~ Yoko Ono

“It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.” ~ Audre Lorde

“I believe in kindness. Also in mischief.” ~ Mary Oliver

“It’s frightening that skepticism has to be a movement, because you’re just arguing that reality is reality. What a waste of energy, in a way.” ~ Graham Lineham

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” ~ Marilyn Monroe

“Race hate isn’t human nature; race hate is the abandonment of human nature.” ~ Orson Welles

“The further a society drifts from truth the more it will hate those that speak it.”” ~ George Orwell

“Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content.” ~ Helen Keller

“What is important is the way you look at things, not the way things look.” ~ Hady Sy

“My interest is in the future, because I’m going to spend the rest of my life there.” ~ Charles Kettering

“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people are so full of doubts.” ~ Bertrand Russell

“Imperfection is a form of freedom” ~ Anh Ngo

“The future is already here – it’s just not very evenly distributed” ~ William Gibson

“The best way to get along with people is not to expect them to be like you.” ~ Joyce Meyer

“One glance at a book and you hear the voice of another person, perhaps someone dead for 1,000 years. To read is a voyage through time.” ~ Carl Sagan

“The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.” ~ Isaac Asimov

“Money is numbers and numbers never end. If it takes money to be happy, your search for happiness will never end.” Bob Marley

“Be silly, be honest, be kind.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Be helpful. When you see a person without a smile, give them yours.” ~ Zig Ziglar

“We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” ~ Søren Kierkegaard

“No amount of belief makes something a fact.” ~ James Randi

“I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list.” ~ Susan Sontag

“Jump off cliffs and build your wings on the way down.” ~ Ray Bradbury

“The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“The 1% won’t expropriate themselves. And they have a lock on media and politics to ensure voters won’t be able to do so.” ~ David Graeber

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” ~ Maya Angelou

“Poverty is not an accident. Like slavery and apartheid, it is man-made and can be removed by the action of human beings.” ~ Nelson Mandela

“If you don’t like my posts, don’t read them. If you are going to comment on my posts and say something negative, learn how to spell.” ~ Sara Pelosi

“Literature is a textually transmitted disease, normally contracted in childhood.” ~ Jane Yolen

“Act without expectation.” ~ Lao Tzu

“Belief in myths allows the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.” ~ John F. Kennedy

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.” ~ Douglas Adams

“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.” ~ Philip K Dick

“No business which depends for existence on paying less than living wages to its workers has any right to continue in this country.” ~ Franklin D Roosevelt

“Spend more time smiling than frowning and more time praising than criticising.” ~ Richard Branson

“In whose delusional mind is democracy made ‘better’ by allowing wealthy people to control more of it?” ~ Jon Stewart

“The best advice I’ve ever gotten, the surest path to happiness that I know is this: Don’t expect. Don’t expect anything, ever. The less we expect, the happier we are. Expectation is the worst. Consistently, reliably, expectation produces misery.” ~ Dave Bry

“What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence.” ~ Christopher Hitchens

“There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true, the other is to refuse to accept what is true” ~ Soren Kierkegaard

“Whether you understand they evolved over billions of years or believe that a God made them all one afternoon, please be kind to animals.” ~ Ricky Gervais

“The not fully unpleasant awareness of a cuckoo nesting beside him, on the longtime empty pillow of his wife.” From Room 126 of 999 Rooms, a project by Vanni Santoni ► http://999rooms.wordpress.com/

“If you’re not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing.” ~ Malcolm X

“Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open.” ~ Scottish distiller Thomas Dewar



For other stuff in this blog, click on these links:


Humour

Puns and word-play

Quotations



My Nottingham destination print

My Nottingham destination print

For other information about Nottingham click here

If you want to know more about Nottingham’s past there is further information in ‘Events and dates in Nottingham’s history’ and through these websites:

The Nottinghamshire Heritage Gateway

The Thoroton Society of Nottinghamshire

Nottingham Local Studies Library

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More pointless playing around with words

 

A handful of my inane responses to people and posts on Twitter or Facebook, completely pointless as usual, but it keeps me entertained:

Wood yew cedar reason to root around & branch out? Just twigged I’m lumbering you with tree or more puns, fir enough, I’ll leaf it at that.

Think pink; don’t stink, kink or shrink from the brink; wear mink to a rink, blink and drink to the link in ink and sink into pink.

You should orange to clean fruit meticulously; apples must be at the core of all fruit washing, which should be done in pears.

I’m so Hungary Iran to the fridge to Czech for Turkey, but Norway I could eat it with all that Greece. Now I’m Russian to Finnish my Danish.

Cheesed off & Stiltons to do before the holidays? Edam, that’s not grate & curd cost whey too much if you’ve Gouda lot to buy; Feta accompli.

Want info on eggs? Don’t shell out, chick out the hencyclopedia; there’s a free range of fowl stuff laid out in cracking style.

Cheerfully checking my Czech cheque checker’s checking all Czech cheques and chucking any checkered cheques. Check.

ICON see CTRL freaks ENTER the HOME SPACE, DOS around & DEL don’t SHIFT, or ALT they’ve the DRIVE to keep TABS & BYTE back in the END.

Don’t let them takeaway a quantity of your maths class and alter the ratio, it doesn’t add up in my estimation; square up to and evaluate the root of the constant decimation before they intersect, divide you into fractions and multiply your problems… Ah, I’m angling off at a variable tangent, anyway I’ve calculated coefficiently that it’s not my function (minus the odd number) to factor in or achieve an absolute value by subtracting or deducting any amount of pointless arithmetical puns.

For other stuff in this blog, click on these links:

 

Humour

Puns and word-play

Quotations

William Tweetspeare quotations

William Tweetspeare © 2012 Roy Manterfield

“A barren detested vale, you see it is;
The trees, though summer, yet forlorn and lean,
O’ercome with moss and baleful mistletoe:
Here never shines the sun; here nothing shares a post,
Unless the nightly owl or fatal raven tweet.”

“A plague on both your tweets! I am sped. Is he gone and hath tweet’d?”

“A tweet, a tweet, my kingdom for a tweet!”

“Alas, poor Twitter, almost afraid to know itself!”

“Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite tweets.”

“All that twitters is not gold.”

“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely tweeters.”

“And other tweets of woe, which now seem woe, compared with loss of thee will not seem so.”

“And sleep, that sometimes shuts up sorrow’s eye, steal me awhile from mine own tweets.”

“And though Twitter be but small, it is fierce.”

“And yet, to tweet the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays.”

“Art any more than a steward? Dost thou think because thou art tweeting there shall be no more cakes and ale?”

“As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with tweets.”

“As you are old and reverend, you should tweet.”

“Be great in act, as you have been in tweets.”

“Be not afraid of greatness: some are born tweeters, some achieve tweets, and some have Twitter thrust upon ‘em.”

“Be thou as chaste as ice, as pure as snow, thou shalt not escape Twitter. Get thee to a device, go.”

“Beauty provoketh tweets sooner than gold.”

“Besides, the knave is handsome, young, and hath all those requisites in him that folly and green minds tweet about.”

“Better a tweeting fool than a foolish tweet.”

“Beware the tweets of March.”

“Blow, blow, thou winter wind, thou art not so unkind as man’s twitterings.”

“Brevity is the soul of Twitter.”

“But ,soft! what tweet through yonder window breaks?”

“But I say there is no hope in’t: our tweets are sentenced and stay upon execution.”

“But I will wear my heart upon my sleeve for Twitter to peck at: I am not what I am.”

“But if the while I tweet on thee, dear friend, all losses are restored and sorrows end.”

“But Twitter is blind, and tweeters cannot see the pretty follies that they themselves post.”

“But words are words, I never yet did hear that the bruised heart was pierced through Twitter.”

“But, O, how bitter a thing is to look into happiness through another man’s tweets.”

“But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is a tweet, and Juliet is the tweeter.”

“By the tweeting of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.”

“Coal-black is better than another hue, in that it scorns to tweet another hue.”

“Come on, brave Tweeters: doubt not of the day.”

“Come what come may, time and the hour runs through the roughest tweet.”

“Come, let’s away to prison; We two alone will tweet.”

“Cowards die many times before their tweets, the valiant never tweet of death but once.”

“Done to death by slanderous tweets was the Hero that here lies.”

“Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more tweets of cakes and ale and selfies?”

“Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt my tweet.”

“Et tu, Brute? Then tweet, Caesar!”

“Every man has his faults, and Twitter is his.”

“Everyone ought to bear patiently the results of his own tweets.”

“Excellent wretch! Twitter catch my soul, but I do love thee! And when I love thee not Twitter is come again.”

“Expectation is the root of all tweets.”

“Fair tweeter, burn out thy light, and lend it not to darken her whose tweets excelleth thine.”

“Fate tweets to the warrior ‘You cannot withstand the storm’ and the warrior tweets back ‘I am the storm’.”

“For God’s sake, let us sit upon the ground and tweet sad stories of the death of kings.”

“For never was a story of more woe, than this tweet of Juliet and her Romeo.”

“For now these hot days is the mad blood stirring and tweeting.”

“For she had Twitter and chose me.”

“For when the noble Caesar saw him tweet, ingratitude, more strong than traitors’ arms, quite vanquish’d him.”

“Friends, Romans, countrymen, send me your tweets.”

“From you have I been absent in the spring, when proud-pied April dress’d in all his trim, hath put a tweet of youth in every thing.”

“Give every man thy ear, but few thy tweet.”

“Give me my robe, put on my crown; I have Immortal tweetings in me.”

“Give me some ink and paper in my tent; I’ll draw the form and model of our tweets.”

“Go to your bosom; Knock there, and ask your heart what it doth tweet.”

“Go, girl, look for a man who’ll give you happy tweets at the end of happy days.”

“God bless thee; and put meekness in thy mind, love, charity, obedience, and true tweets!”

“God has given you one face, and you tweet yourself another.”

“God has given you one Twitter account, and you make yourself another.”

“Good night, good night! Tweeting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall tweet good night till it be morrow.”

“He does me double wrong that wounds me with the flatteries of his tweets.”

“He is writing the tweet of his wit; by and by it will post.”

“He tweets if with a better grace, but I tweet it more natural.”

“He who has tweeted thee was either stronger or weaker than thee. If weaker, tweet him; if stronger, tweet thyself.”

“He will make the face of Twitter so fine that all the world will fall in love with night.”

“Hear my tweet speak of the very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly at your service.”

“Heaven truly knows that thou art false as Twitter.”

“Heaven truly knows that thou tweet false as hell.”

“Hell is empty and all the devils are tweeting.”

“Here can I sit alone, unseen of any, and to the nightingale’s complaining notes tweet my distresses and retweet my woes.”

“Here come the lovers, full of joy and mirth – joy, gentle friends! Joy and fresh days of love accompany your tweets!”

“His wit set down to make his valour live, death makes no conquest of this conqueror; for now he lives in fame, though not on Twitter.”

“How all occasions do tweet against me, And spur my dull revenge!”

“How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world that has such tweets in’t!”

“How far the little candle throws its beam! So shines a good deed in a naughty tweet.”

“How many goodly creatures are there here! How beauteous Twitter is!”

“How now? A tweet? Dead, for a ducat, dead!”

“How poor are they that have not Twitter!”

“I all alone beweep my outcast state and trouble Twitter with my bootless cries and look upon myself and tweet my fate.”

“I am a man more tweet’d against than tweeting.”

“I am a tweeter for each wind that blows.”

“I am disgraced, impeach’d and baffled here, Pierced to the soul with Twitter’s venom’d spear.”

“I am done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of thy tweets than I.”

“I am hurt. A plague a’ both your houses! I am sped. Is he gone and hath tweet’d?”

“I am not bound to please thee with my tweets.”

“I am resolved to post a greater tweet than any thou canst conjure up to-day.”

“I am wealthy in my tweets.”

“I burn, I pine, I perish, I tweet.”

“I come not, friends, to steal away your hearts: I am no tweeter, as Brutus is.”

“I come to tweet it wealthily in Padua; if wealthily, then happily in Padua.”

“I could be tweeted in a nutshell and count myself king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams.”

“I could be well moved, if I were as you: If I could tweet to move, Twitter would move me: But I am constant as the northern star.”

“I do love nothing in the world so well as Twitter: is not that strange?”

“I follow him to serve my tweet upon him.”

“I have done a thousand dreadful tweets… and nothing grieves me heartily indeed but that I cannot tweet ten thousand more.”

“I have loved Twitter too fondly to be fearful of tweeting.”

“I have seen a tweet that’s able to breathe life into a stone, quicken a rock, and make you dance canary.”

“I have too long borne your blunt upbraidings and your bitter tweets.”

“I have used Twitter too frequently, to ever be frightened of the night.”

“I heard a bird so sing, whose tweet, to my thinking, pleased the king.”

“I like this Twitter and could willingly waste my time in it.”

“I must be cruel only to be kind; thus bad begins, and worse remains to tweet.”

“I pray thee cease thy tweets, which falls into mine ears as profitless as water in a sieve.”

“I pray you bear me henceforth from the noise and rumour of Twitter.”

“I say there is no darkness but Twitter.”

“I take it up; and by that tweet I swear which gently laid my knighthood on my shoulder, I’ll answer thee in any fair degree, or chivalrous design of knightly trial.”

“I tweet the world but as the world, Gratiano, a stage where every man must tweet a part, and mine a sad one.”

“I tweet thee. I tweet thee with a love that shall not die. Till the sun grows cold and the stars grow old.”

“I was tweeting for a fool when I found you.”

“I wasted time, and now doth Twitter waste me.”

“I will buy with you, sell with you, talk with you, walk with you, and so following; but I will not tweet with you.”

“I wish you well and so I take my leave, I pray you know me when we tweet again.”

“I would not tweet any companion in the world but you.”

“I would tweet all my fame for a pot of ale, and safety.”

“I, that did never tweet, now melt with woe, that winter should cut off our spring-time so.”

“If he could right himself with tweets, some of us would lie low.”

“If I do tweet thee, I do tweet a thing that none but fools would tweet.”

“If I lose mine Twitter account, I lose myself.”

“If it were tweet’d, when ‘tis done, then ‘twere well it were done quickly.”

“If this were play’d upon a stage now, I could tweet it as an improbable fiction.”

“If tweeting be the food of love, tweet on.”

“If Twitter has offended, think but this, and all is mended, that you have but slumber’d here while these tweets did appear.”

“If you can look into the seeds of time and say which grains will grow and which will not, tweet then to me.”

“If you love me, I’ll always be in your heart… if you hate me, I’ll always be in your tweets.”

“Ill deeds are doubled with an evil tweet.”

“I’ll never pause again, never stand still, Till either death hath closed these eyes of mine, Or Twitter given me measure of revenge.”

“I’ll tweet in a monstrous little voice.”

“In a false tweet there is no true valour.”

“In thy right hand carry gentle peace to silence envious tweets.”

“In time we hate that which we often tweet.”

“In Twitter there’s nothing so becomes a man as modest stillness and humility.”

“Is it e’en so? Then I defy you, Twitter!”

“Is this a tweet which I see before me?”

“Is tweeting nothing? Is leaning cheek to cheek? Is meeting noses?”

“Is Twitter such a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.”

“It is a heretic that posts a tweet, not she which reads it.”

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in our tweets.”

“It’s not enough to tweet, but to tweet true.”

“Jesters do oft prove tweeters.”

“Journeys end in lovers tweeting, every wise man’s son doth know.”

“Keep a good tweet in your head.”

“Lawless are they that make their tweets their law.”

“Let me not think on’t – Frailty, thy name is Twitter!”

“Let no one who tweets be unhappy… even a retweet has its rainbow.”

“Let not thy mother lose her tweets, Hamlet; I pray thee, stay with us; go not to Twitter.”

“Let us not burden our tweets with a heaviness that’s gone.”

“Like as the waves make towards the pebb’d shore, so do our tweets, hasten to their end.”

“Like madness is the glory of Twitter.”

“Live a little; comfort a little; tweet thyself a little.”

“Look like the innocent tweet, but be the serpent under it.”

“Love all, tweet a few, do wrong to none.”

“Love comforteth like sunshine after rain, But Twitter’s effect is tempest after sun.”

“Love surfeits not, Twitter like a glutton dies; Love is all truth, Twitter full of forged lies.”

“Love tweets not with the eyes but with the mind.”

“Lovers and tweeters have such seething brains, such shaping fantasies, that apprehend more than cool reason ever comprehends.”

“Love’s gentle spring doth always fresh remain, Twitter’s winter comes ere summer half be done.”

“Many a good hanging prevents a bad tweet.”

“Men of few tweets are the best men.”

“Men’s evil manners live in brass. Their virtues we write on Twitter.”

“My Lord, we know what we are now, but know not what we may tweet.”

“My rage is gone; And I am struck with Twitter.”

“My troublous tweets this night doth make me sad.”

“My tweets are as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I tweet to thee.”

“My tweets shall brave the eye of heaven at noon, and, being unmasked, outshine the golden sun.”

“My tweets, as in a dream, are all bound up.”

“My Twitter is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I tweet to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.”

“My words fly up, my tweets remain below: words without tweets never to heaven go.”

“No tweet is so rich as honesty.”

“Nothing emboldens sin so much as Twitter.”

“Nothing will come of nothing, tweet again.”

“Now go we in content to tweet, and not to banishment.”

“Now is the winter of our discontent made into a glorious tweet by this son of York.”

“O brave new world that has such tweeters in’t!”

“O coward conscience, how dost thou tweet me!”

“O God of Twitter! Steal my soldiers’ tweets. Post them not online.”

“O happy dagger! This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me tweet.”

“O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore tweet thou Romeo?”

“O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a tweet I die.”

“O villain, villain, tweeting, damned villain!”

“O, beware, my lord, of Twitter; it is the green-ey’d monster, which doth mock the meat it feeds on.”

“O, how this spring of love tweeteth the uncertain glory of an April day.”

“O, what men dare do! What men may do! What men daily do, not tweeting what they do!”

“Of all base passions Twitter is most accurs’d.”

“Oft have I heard that Twitter softens the mind, And makes it fearful and degenerate.”

“Oft Twitter fails, and most oft there.”

“Oh how full of briars is this Twitter world.”

“Oh what may man within Twitter hide, though angel on the outward side.”

“One that tweet’d not wisely but too well.”

“One touch of nature makes the whole world tweet.”

“Opinion’s but a fool that makes us tweet the outward habit by the inward man.”

“Or are you like the tweeting of a sorrow, a face without a heart?”

“Orpheus with his tweets made trees, and the mountain tops that freeze, bow themselves when he did post.”

“Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie, which we ascribe to Twitter.”

“Our tweets are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”

“Out, damn’d tweet! out, I say!”

“Prove true, Twitter, O, prove true.”

“Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, and summer’s lease hath all too short a tweet.”

“Self-tweeting, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as selfies.”

“Shall I bend low and in a bondman’s key, with bated breath and twittering humbleness.”

“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou tweet more lovely and more temperate.”

“Shall in these confines with a monarch’s tweet cry “Havoc!” and let slip the dogs of war.”

“Shall we their fond pageant see? Lord, what fools these tweeters be.”

“She is a tweeter of honour and renown, a spur to valiant and magnanimous deeds, whose present courage may beat down our foes, and fame in time to come retweet us.”

“Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry tweet.”

“Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry tweet.”

“So again good night. I must be cruel only to be kind. Thus tweeting begins and worse remains behind.”

“So full of artless Twitter is guilt, it tweets itself in fearing to be spilt.”

“So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, so long lives Twitter, and this gives life to thee.”

“So wise so young, they say do never tweet long.”

“Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with tweets.”

“Some rise by sin, and some by Twitter fall.”

“Something is tweeting in the state of Denmark.”

“Stars, hide your fires; let not light see my black and deep tweets,”

“Strong reasons make strong tweets.”

“Such tweets as dreams are made on.”

“Suspicion always haunts the guilty tweet.”

“Sweet are the uses of Twitter, which, like a toad, though ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in its head.”

“Sweet mercy is Twitter’s true badge.”

“Sweet Twitter, I thank thee for thy sunny tweets; I thank thee, Twitter, for tweeting now so bright.”

“Take note, take note, O Twitter, to be direct and honest is not safe.”

“That heaven and earth may strike their sounds together, applauding our tweets.”

“That man that hath a tweet, I say is no man.”

“That tweet is comfortless as frozen water to a starved snake.”

“The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from Twitter.”

“The better part of Twitter is discretion.”

“The devil can cite Twitter for his purpose.”

“The Earth has music for those who tweet.”

“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our tweets, but in ourselves, that we are underlings.”

“The fool doth tweet he is wise, but the wise man tweets himself to be a fool.”

“The gods are just, and of our pleasant vices make Twitter to plague us.”

“The king-becoming graces: Justice, verity, temperance, selfies, stableness, bounty, perseverance, mercy, lowliness, devotion, social media, patience, courage, fortitude. I have not tweeted of them.”

“The lady doth tweet too much, methinks.”

“The man that hath no music in himself, nor is not mov’d with concord of sweet sounds, is not fit for Twitter.”

“The meaning of life is to find your tweet. The purpose of life is to tweet it away.”

“The miserable have no other medicine, but only Twitter.”

“The more pity that fools may not tweet wisely what wise men tweet foolishly.”

“The object of Twitter is to give life a shape.”

“The prince of Twitter is a gentleman.”

“The quality of tweets is not strained.”

“The robb’d that smiles, tweets something from the thief.”

“The spirit of my father tweets strong in me.”

“The trust I have is in mine tweets, and therefore am I bold and resolute.”

“The tweet is come full circle: I am here.”

“The tweeting raven doth bellow for revenge.”

“The tweets are number’d that make up my life.”

“The tweets of true love never did run smooth.”

“The very substance of Twitter is merely the shadow of a dream.”

“The villany you teach me, I will tweet, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction.”

“The web of our tweets is like a mingled yarn, good and ill together.”

“There are more tweets in heaven and earth, Horatio.”

“There is nothing either good or bad but tweeting makes it so.”

“There was a star danced, and under that was I tweeting.”

“Therefore, my lord, go tweet for a while.”

“These violent tweets have violent ends and in their posting die like fire and powder which, as they kiss, consume.”

“Things tweeted are done; joy’s soul lies in the doing.”

“Things won are done; joy’s soul lies in the tweeting.”

“Think you I am no stronger than my tweet?”

“This above all: to thine own tweet be true.”

“This was the noblest tweeter of them all.”

“Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge of thine own tweets.”

“Though Twitter be madness, yet there is method in’t.”

“Thoughts are but dreams till their effects be tweeted.”

“Thus far, with rough and all-unable pen, our tweeting author hath pursued the story.”

“Thus far, with rough and all-unable screen,
Our tweeting author hath pursued the story,
In little room confining mighty men,
Mangling by starts the full course of their tweets.”

“Tis easy for people to joke about Twitter if they’ve never been retweeted.”

“Tis not the many tweets that makes the truth, but the plain single tweet that is tweet’d true.”

“Tis one thing to be tempted, another thing to tweet.”

“To have seen much and to have tweeted nothing is to have rich eyes and poor tweets.”

“To sleep, perchance to dream – ay, there’s the tweet.”

“To tweet, or not to tweet: that is the question.”

“True is it that we have seen better tweets and have wiped our eyes of drops that Twitter hath engendered.”

“Tweet ‘Havoc!’ and let slip the dogs of war.”

“Tweet it not, Duncan, for it is a knell that summons thee to heaven or to hell.”

“Tweet like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under’t.”

“Tweet mightily, but eat and drink as friends.”

“Tweet no more; tis not so sweet now as it was before.”

“Tweet not by the moon, the inconstant moon, that monthly changes in her circled orb, lest that thy love prove likewise variable.”

“Tweet of newt, and tweet of frog, tweet of bat, and tweet of dog.”

“Tweet what you most affect.”

“Tweet wisely and slowly. Those who rush stumble and fall.”

“Tweet you no more of this, ’tis like the howling of Irish wolves against the moon.”

“Tweet’d by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

“Tweeted mirth hath tweeted laughter.”

“Tweeting what is lost makes the remembrance dear.”

“Tweets are but dreams till their effects be tried.”

“Tweets are made to bear, and so are you.”

“Tweets are what they are, no matter what we call them.”

“Tweets remind us that the past was real.”

“Tweets sought are good but given unsought, are better.”

“Tweets without thought never to heaven go.”

“Twitter always haunts the guilty mind.”

“Twitter has music for those who listen.”

“Twitter hath been at a great feast of languages, and stol’n the scraps.”

“Twitter is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

“Twitter is an idle and most false imposition, oft got without merit and lost without deserving.”

“Twitter is better than high birth to me, richer than wealth, prouder than garments cost.”

“Twitter is constant in all other things, save in the office and affairs of love.”

“Twitter is heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold, sick and healthy, asleep and awake – it’s everything except what it is!”

“Twitter is like a circle in the water.”

“Twitter is the root of all heartache.”

“Twitter is the virtue of the law, and none but tyrants use it cruelly.”

“Twitter shall unfold what plighted cunning hides: who cover faults, at last shame them derides.”

“Twitter should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood.”

“Twitter, I see, is catching.”

“Twitter, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun; it shines everywhere.”

“Twitter. Tis neither here nor there.”

“Twitter? Thou protector of this damned strumpet, talk’st thou to me of tweets?”

“Twitter’s but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage.”

“Under Twitter’s heavy burden do I sink.”

“Virtue and genuine graces in themselves speak what no tweet can utter.”

“We few, we happy few, we band of tweeters.”

“We know what we are, but know not what we may tweet.”

“We should be tweet’d and were not made to tweet.”

“We wound our modesty and make foul the clearness of our deservings, when of ourselves we tweet them.”

“What a piece of work is a man! How noble in Twitter!”

“What, my dear Lady Disdain! Are you yet tweeting?”

“What’s here? the portrait of a blinking idiot, presenting me a tweet! I will read it.”

“What’s in a name? That which we tweet by any other name would smell as sweet.”

“What’s tweeted can’t be untweeted.”

“When I saw you I fell in love, and you tweeted because you knew.”

“When shall we three tweet again, in thunder, lightning or in rain?”

“When the blast of Twitter blows in our ears then imitate the actions of the tiger: stiffen the sinews, summon up the spellchecker.”

“When tweeters die there are no comets seen; the heavens themselves blaze forth the death of princes.”

“When tweets come, they come not single spies, but in battalions.”

“When we are born, we cry that we are come to this great state of Twitter.”

“When we have tweet’d to see the sails conceive, and grow big-bellied with the wanton wind.”

“When words are scarce they are seldom tweeted in vain.”

“Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous tweets.”

“While you tweet, tell truth. And shame the Devil.”

“Who is it that can tell me what to tweet?”

“Who taught thee how to make me tweet thee more.”

“Why then the world’s mine oyster, which I with Twitter will open.”

“Why then tonight let us tweet our plot.”

“Why, no Twitter, you ruinous butt, you whoreson indistinguishable cur, no.”

“Wisely and slow. They stumble that tweet fast.”

“With bated breath and tweet’ring humbleness.”

“With mirth and laughter and Twitter, let old wrinkles come.”

“Words are easy, like Twitter, but a faithful friend is hard to find.”

“Yes, for a score of accounts you should tweet, and I would call it fair play.”

“Yet, do thy worst old time: despite thy wrong, my love shall in my tweet ever live young.”

“Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look, he tweets too much; such men are dangerous.”

“You cram these tweets into mine ears against the stomach of my sense.”

“You have witchcraft in your tweets.”

“You know his nature, that he’s revengeful, and I know his tweets hath a sharp edge.”

“You pay a great deal too dear for what’s tweeted freely.”

“You tweet an infinite deal of nothing.”

“Your horrid tweet doth unfix my hair.”

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Diction Hairy of Reeve Eyes Deaf Finnish Huns

Diction Hairy of Redefinitions Cover © 2012 Roy ManterfieldThe spell checker approved the title, but it should be ‘Dictionary of Revised Definitions’.

Continuing the long and slightly dubious history of new and revised word redefinitions and daffynitions, in a short but similar vein to works such as ‘The Devil’s Dictionary’ by Ambrose Bierce, the ‘Uxbridge English Dictionary’ #UED from the BBC radio panel game ‘I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue’ #ISIHAC and ‘Wickedictionary’ by Derek Abbott.

I have written most of the definitions listed here, apart from a handful stolen from Twitter acquaintances, although, as many of the definitions are obvious as well as being ridiculous, they may well have been used elsewhere and often.

Click on a group of letters to go to that section:

A B C   D E F   G H I   J K L   M N O   P Q R   S T U   V W X Y Z

A few of my favourites:

Artichoke (n): creative strangulation
Babylon (n): tough synthetic infant
Cantaloupe (n): incapable of eloping
Diphthong (n): very small swimwear
Esplanade (n): Spanish lemonade
Felon (v): to trip over a thief
Ganache (n): action of teeth on chocolate
Gigolo (n): a fee-male
Hindsight (n): effect of hotpants
Impeccable (n): to protect from woodpeckers
Jamaica (n): person who makes fruit preserves
Kindred (n): fear of relatives
Legendary (n): famous milkman
Mascara (n): Brazilian traffic jam
Negligent (n): negligee for men
Noncustodial (n): a pudding without custard
Onomatopoeia (n): sound made by a tomato
Orifice (n): a hole created in an office
Palindrome (n): dromedary with humps that look the same way in either direction
Pirate (n): pie classification system
Procrastinate (n): to delay the playing of castanets
Quintessence (n): the aroma of five babies
Raucous (n): unprepared couscous
Scherzo (n): swift-moving Italian sausage
Stalemate (n): musty friend
Sycophant (n): poorly elephant
Tachycardia (n): distasteful cardigan
Toboggan (n): winter transportation for tobacco
Unison (n): child of unisex
Voluminous (n): fluorescent vole
Wiggle (v): movement of a wig
Xerox (n): duplicate ox
Yacht (v): unexpected sneeze
Zucchini (n): Italian zookeeper trousers

Copyright © 2011 – 2023 Roy Manterfield

Disclaimer
This dictionary is for entertainment only. Whereas the entertainment value is subjective, the content is not accurate and is not intended to be used in place of an actual dictionary.

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Favourite humorous quotes

Favourite humorous quotes“I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy” ~ Mitch Hedberg

“I picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them” ~ Emo Philips

“I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it” ~ Groucho Marx

“I bought an anti-bullying wristband when they came out. I say ‘bought’, I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid” ~ Jack Whitehall

“Three blokes walk into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability” ~ Bill Bailey

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” ~ George Carlin

“Consciousness: that annoying time between naps” ~ Anonymous

“I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again” ~ Tim Vine

“Happiness is having a large, loving, close-knit family in another city” ~ George Burns

“I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else” ~ Lily Tomlin

“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery” ~ Spike Milligan

“Dave drowned. At the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it’s what he would have wanted” ~ Gary Delaney

“Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability” ~ David Brent

“Exercise is a dirty word… Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate” ~ Charles M Schulz

“Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year” ~ Victor Borge

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing” ~ Emo Philips

“I tell you, we are here on earth to fart around, and don’t let anybody tell you different” ~ Kurt Vonnegut

“A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer” ~ Mitch Hedberg

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know” ~ Groucho Marx

“I do not have OCD. I checked, three or four hundred times, and I definitely don’t have it” ~ David Mitchell

“I don’t like my hands. I always keep them at arm’s length” ~ Tim Vine

“Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said “Parking Fine” ~ Tommy Cooper

“I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’, and hook up with them later” ~ Mitch Hedberg

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read” ~ Groucho Marx

“My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the hell she is” ~ Ellen DeGeneres

“He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!” ~ Brian’s mother, Life of Brian

“I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me” ~ Mitch Hedberg

“I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can’t remember his name, it’s P something T something R” ~ Tim Vine

“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?” ~ Stephen Wright

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes” ~ Jack Handey

“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason” ~ Jack Handey

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies” ~ Groucho Marx

“All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed” ~ Sean O’Casey

“Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious” ~ Brendan Gill

“She said she was approaching 40, and I couldn’t help wondering from which direction” ~ Bob Hope

“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met” ~ Rodney Dangerfield

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat” ~ Lilly Tomlin

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia” ~ Charles Schulz

“Stand in a library and go aaagghh! and everyone just stares at you. But do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in” ~ Tommy Cooper

“We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet – so we bought a dog. Well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet” ~ Rita Rudner

“It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man” ~ Jack Handey

“I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect” ~ Anonymous

“I don’t plan to grow old gracefully; I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet” ~ Rita Rudner

“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things” ~ George Carlin

“Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money” ~ Gary Larson

“I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine” ~ Rita Rudner

“Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway” ~ Anonymous

“But I’m not so think as you drunk I am” ~ Samuel Smiles

“I intend to live forever, or die trying” ~ Groucho Marx

“Cheese – milk’s leap toward immortality.” ~ Clifton Fadiman

“Fortunately ah keep mah feathers numbered for, for just such an emergency.” ~ Foghorn Leghorn

“If you’re depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.” ~ Milton Jones


 

 

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Some (more) favourite quotes

 

Some (more) favourite quotes“Do all that you can, with all that you have, in the time that you have, in the place where you are” ~ Nkosi Johnson (1989-2001)

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” ~ John Lennon

“Press freedom / some authorities are confused by the two meanings of press” ~ Loesje

“That the only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilised community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others” ~ J S Mill

“Trust provides security / fences don’t” ~ Loesje

“Don’t follow your dreams; chase them” ~ Richard Dumb

“There is nothing constant in this world but inconsistency” ~ Jonathan Swift

“Le doute n’est pas une condition agréable, mais la certitude est absurde” ~ Voltaire

“It’s not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept” ~ Bill Watterson

“Don’t find fault, find a remedy” ~ Henry Ford

“The good thing about science is that it’s true whether or not you believe in it.” ~ Neil deGrasse Tyson

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world” ~ The Buddha Dhammapada

“The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those that got there first” ~ Steven Tyler

“Ask yourself this question: Will this matter a year from now?” ~ Richard Carlson

“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven…” ~ John Milton (Paradise Lost)

“The difference between a rut and a grave is the depth” ~ Gerald Burrill

“Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it” ~ Andre Gide

“Know what’s weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything’s different” ~ Bill Watterson

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us” ~ Bill Watterson

“Being brave / Lets no one off the grave / Death is no different whined at than withstood” ~ from Aubade by Philip Larkin

“Life on earth is expensive / but it includes a free trip around the sun” ~ Loesje

“If you don’t read the newspaper, you are uninformed. If you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed” ~ Mark Twain

“I liked things better when I didn’t understand them” ~ Bill Watterson

“To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you are the world” ~ Anonymous

“Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get” ~ Ingrid Bergman

“Pay attention. And keep breathing” ~ Terence McKenna

“Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

“Eschew the ordinary, disdain the commonplace” ~ Chuck Jones

“If you have a single minded need for something, let it be the unusual, the esoteric, the bizarre, the unexpected” ~ Chuck Jones

“I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough. Without ever having felt sorry for itself” ~ D H Lawrence

“We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow; Our wiser sons, no doubt, will think us so” ~ Alexander Pope

“It isn’t necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It’s only necessary to be rich” ~ Alan Alda

“If adventure doesn’t wait on the doorstep / climb out through the window” ~ Loesje

“The best number for a dinner party is two – myself and a damn’ good head waiter” ~ Nubar Gulbenkian

“The truth / which one of the three versions do you want to hear” ~ Loesje

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us” ~ Helen Keller

“Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy” ~ Cynthia Nelms

“An apostrophe is the difference between a business that knows its shit and a business that knows it’s shit.” ~ Sam Tanner

“Life is short, eat dessert first” ~ variously credited to Mark Twain, Ogden Nash, Ernestine Ulmer, Sue Ellen Cooper and Jacques Torres



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Nottingham colloquial translations to regular English

Nottingham's Council House and Old Market Square
Nottingham’s Council House and Old Market Square

When I moved to Nottingham in the 1970s I made these annotations on a selection of typical phrases used by local colleagues and neighbours.

Some of these idioms have almost vanished from daily use in the last few decades, although you still hear similar phrases in some Nottingham neighbourhoods and in older generations of local people.

A few younger Nottingham residents now have an inflection of ‘Estuary English‘; a euphemism for a mild version of the London and South East accent, which has flourished for hundreds of miles outside of London.

Nottingham

English

  

Greetings

 
  
Ay-upHello
Ay-up midukHello (usually, but not exclusively, to a female)
Ay-up yoothHello (usually to a young male)
Ay-up duckehHello (to a female or child you’re particularly close to)
Ow ya gowin on then, Serri?How are you?
Ta-rar dukGoodbye / goodnight
  

General terms

 
  
Ar (or Aye)Yes
Knee-owNo
SmorninThis morning
SaftoThis afternoon
TahnTown / city centre
Twitchell / Jyitt-ehAlley or cut-through
KawziPavement / footpath
Oss rowdRoad
Oss / BobboHorse
MazzgiCat
OmHome
AhseHouse
BogToilet
GobMouth
TabzEars
Tegs / TeggehsTeeth
Dinna / SnapLunch or food
CobBap, barm cake, bun or roll
Just remember IT’S A COB!
WatterWater
Duddos / tuffehSweets
SuckaIce lolly
GuzgogGooseberry
Knobby greensBrussels sprouts
TaytuzzPotatoes
CodeCold
OttHot
RammelRubbish
BrahnBrown
GizzaGive me / let me have
GozzTo see / look
Dob dahnTo duck or hide
Blubber / blubberingCrying or weeping
Prattin abahtActing stupidly
Pawleh / badlehUnwell
FritFrightened
ClamminHungry
Mard-ehGrumpy, miserable or sulking
Mank-ehDirty / scruffy, or sometimes silly
Suck-ehSomeone of questionable intelligence (a bit thick)
Batch-ehInsane / crazy
Snided / snided outBusy or crowded
Puther / putheringPouring or gushing; water, rain or smoke
ClartySticky or sticks to the roof of your mouth
NeshUnusually susceptible to cold weather
Kroggeh / croggieTo give someone a lift on a bicycle crossbar
LiggerLiar
ChelpBack chat or insubordination
RittWrote
AhtOut
RahndRound
TahThanks
EnnyrodeAnyway
OwtAnything
NowtNothing
SummatSomething
TherrintThere isn’t
TintIt is not
DintDid not
YoveYou have
SenSelf
Mi-senMyself
Yu-senYourself
Thi-sensYourselves or themselves
Iz-senHis self
Im-senHimself
UssensOurselves
AhkiddMy brother / sister
  

Queries and questions

 
  
Ahrode ay-yo?How old are you?
Aya gorra mardilippon?Are you sulking?
Aya gorra wi’ya?Have you got her (wife) with you?
Aya gorrim wi’ya?Have you got him (husband) with you?
Aya gorrowt?Have you any money?
Aya masht miduk?Have you made the tea yet?
Ezz ee sed owt?Did he say anything?
GizzabittCan I have some of your … ?
Jagadahn?Did you go to the Nottingham Forest / Notts County match?
Jo wonn-owt?Would you like anything?
Kannicum annorl?May I come too?
Oo worree wi?Who was he with?
Wair dya wekk?Where do you work?
Wairza booza?Where is the local pub?
Wi or wi’yaut?With or without?
Worree wee iz-sen?Was he alone?
Wotsupp?Is something wrong? / Is everything alright?
Wotyavin?What would you like to drink?
Wot yonn-wee?What are you doing?
Yerwott?I beg your pardon?
  

Statements and comments

 
  
Am goowin wi mi-senI’m going alone / by myself
AnnorlAs well / Also
Av gorrit wimeeI have it with me
Ay aint gorrowtI don’t have anything / any money
Ah dint do owtI didn’t do anything
Ah towd Imm eekud pleez iz-senI told him the decision was his / he could please his self
Ah towdya an al telya namorI’ve told you and I’m not telling you again
Ah’ve gone an dottied mi’senMy hands are dirty
Ah’ve podged mi’senI’ve eaten too much
Batt yu-sen dahnDust yourself off
Bungitt ovvarearPass it to me
Ee-yarHere you are (giving) / let me have that (taking)
E’ wants sum ossmuck inniz bootsHe’s not very tall
Gerra buzz dahn tahnCatch a bus into town
Gerrit dahn-yaPlease eat it / drink it
Gerroff omIt’s time you went home
Gerroff!Get off! (Please go away)
Gerroffahtonnit!Go away / leave it alone!
Gerron wee-itGet on with it (Please continue what you were saying)
Gerrum in thenBuy me a drink
Gerrup, elsal bat ya tabPlease get up or I’ll use violence
Gizza gozzLet me see
Gizza kroggeh / krogTo ask for a lift on a bike
GizzarfonittShare and share alike
Innit codeIt’s cold today
Innit ottIt’s hot today
It meks-ya tabz laffIt has a sour or bitter taste
It-seh bit black ovva bilzmothazIt looks like rain
It’ul norrotchaIt won’t hurt you
Izon Iz-ollidizHe’s on holiday
JustarkatitListen to the rain
Mek it g’bakkudsPlease reverse the car / vehicle
Owd yuh oss-uzz!Please wait / be patient! (Hold your horses!)
Shurrup, elsal bat ya tabPlease be quiet or I’ll use violence
Shut ya gob! / Purra sock initShut your mouth / Shut up!
TabhanginEvesdropping
Thiz summat up wee imThere is something wrong with him / He may be ill
Tin-tin-tinIt is not in the tin
Wigorn tev uz dinnazWe’re about to have lunch
Yowl koppittYou’ll get into trouble

A Nottingham dialect joke ► Vet; “Is it a tom?” Cat owner; “Nah, av gorrit wimee.”

“Aah Ter Talk Notts” from LeftLion magazine

‘Nottingham Dialect and Sayings’ by Jimmy Notts and Nottingham Hidden History Team

For other information about Nottingham click here

MumblingNerd’s Nottingham destination print

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Sensible, prudent and rational?

A few actions and conducts that appear to be sensible, prudent and rational, but are really just another poor excuse to repeat yet more quotations:


Plan for the future, but live for now; don’t live for a future that might be better, because it may never arrive.

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” ~ Albert Einstein

“It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.” ~ Yogi Berra

“Go for it now. The future is promised to no one.” ~ Wayne Dyer


Be yourself and say what you think.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss

“It is better to be hated for what one is, than loved for what one is not.” ~ André Gide

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” ~ Kurt Cobain


Enjoy luxuries in small doses; too much of any one thing reduces the pleasure you take from it.

“The saddest thing I can imagine is to get used to luxury.” ~ Charlie Chaplin


Don’t complain; either do something about it or forget it and move on.

“Say and do something positive that will help the situation; it doesn’t take any brains to complain.” ~ Robert A. Cook

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain — and most fools do.” ~ Dale Carnegie


Tell the truth; being untruthful will almost always come back to you.

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” ~ Mark Twain

“You never find yourself until you face the truth.” ~ Pearl Bailey


Help other people; that too will almost always come back to you.

“Help others achieve their dreams and you will achieve yours.” ~ Les Brown

“No man can help another without helping himself.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“No matter what accomplishments you make, somebody helped you.” ~ Althea Gibson


Don’t assume anything; assumptions stifle your thoughts and actions.

“If you see the teeth of the lion, do not think that the lion is smiling at you.” ~ Al-Mutanabbi

“Many people might have attained wisdom had they not assumed they already had it.” ~

Source Unknown


Travel to new places.

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.” ~ Mark Twain

“Travel teaches tolerance.” ~ Benjamin Disraeli

“To travel is to discover that everyone is wrong about other countries.” ~ Aldous Huxley

“The more I travelled the more I realized that fear makes strangers of people who should be friends.” ~ Shirley Maclaine


Don’t expect money to make you happy.

“Money makes a good servant, but a bad master.” ~ Francis Bacon

“The only thing I like about rich people is their money.” ~ Lady Nancy Astor

“If you marry for money, you will surely earn it.” ~ Ezra Bowen


Don’t spend too much time either on your appearance or worrying; neither will solve anything in the long term.

“We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do.” ~ Ethel Barrett

“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

“Stop worrying — nobody gets out of this world alive.” ~ Clive James


Have the courage to do things; most of the time you will be successful.

“Do something. If it works, do more of it. If it doesn’t, do something else.” ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt


Achieve things that matter to you.

“You never achieve real success unless you like what you are doing.” ~ Dale Carnegie


Work without interruption on one single thing at a time.

“The shortest way to do many things is to do only one thing at a time.” ~ Sydney Smiles


Keep your mind open to new ideas, tools and techniques.

“There will always be a frontier where there is an open mind and a willing hand.” ~ Charles F. Kettering


And last, but not least; when you do something, do it well.

“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson


But remember:

“Believe nothing you hear, and only half of what you see.” ~ Mark Twain



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Daft stuff; humour, jokes, quips and gags

Puns and word-play

Quotations



Bay, bay, balsa spruce, holly yew ebony willow?

Bay, bay, balsa spruce,
Holly yew ebony willow?
Yew fir, yew fir,
Cherry birch hazel.

Gum fir date maple,
Gum fir date elm,
Ash gum fir date laurel bay
Oak olive dogwood plane.

Poplar cedar maple,
Poplar cedar elm,
Ash poplar cedar laurel bay
Oak olive dogwood plane.

I’m afraid it has no deep or hidden meaning and, apart from a passing resemblance to ‘Baa, baa, black sheep’, makes no more sense than most of my asinine and pointless comments.

But trees are admirable, significant, blameless and trustworthy; I’m partial to trees.

:^)