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Imp proved spell cheque four ewe

Eye found this my newt rhyme year sago, butt cud knot ream ember wear from:


I have a special checker
It helps with watt eye right
Cheques the spelling and grandma
And sets my copy a-lite

Sew when yew cannot weight
To git yaw mess hedge threw
You’s the spelling chequer
It’s a curate, rely able and t’ woo



Then, when eye was urchin four it, eye disk covered this grate lea imp proved won:


Ode to My Spell Checker (awe thaw Hun own)

Eye have a spelling checker, it came with my pea sea
It plainly marks four my revue miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a quay and type a word and weight for it to say
Weather eye yam wrong oar write, it shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid it nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it I’m shore your pleased to no
Its letter perfect awl the way, my checker told me sew.


 

 

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Asinine aphorisms

Tinkering with puns, oronyms, homonyms, heterographs and homophones, well, something like that:


Cold toast; butter late than never.

Plain English guide; clarity begins a tome.

Pick up a music book; raise the volume.

Rugby; know pain, know game.

Erectile dysfunction proverb; all’s swell that ends swell.

 

Ore on hymns, hoe mown hims, hater owe grafts and home of phones:


To wear is you man, two four give deep vine.

Eerily tube head and hurling two rice mixer man wail the unwise.

Love of moon knees the route of fall weevil.

Pea pulling lass how says shoe dent thrust owns.

Ape plays four a very thin, hand eave hairy thinning hits plaice.

May bee hits called enough two freezer balls offer brass monk quay, butt theirs nope lace like comb.

If you can’t stand the hate get art of the cute chin.

At ten shone deaf is sit high pair active ET dis-sword her.

A pitcher is worth a throw sand-wards.

A leotard cannot change its spots.

Likeable Ena China Shop.

Learn to talk before you pun.

Many hands make plight worse.

A stick in thyme says mine.

Make a slick pose out of a Scouse seer.

Merry in haste; relentless pleasure.

Money Hans makes lie to work.

Banging your ted against a brick wall.

North thing dentured, north thing grained.

Look beef; all you’ll heap.

Anna play day keeps the dock tray way.

Nose mock without fear.

Won man’s meat is an udder man spy son.

 

An unrelated reminder; Friar Tuck doesn’t like spoonerisms and (according to @VenusDeMileage) neither does Betty Swollocks.


The first rule of Homophone Club is: ‘Yew do knot torque about Homophone Club.’




For other stuff in this blog, click on these links:


Humour

Puns and word-play

Quotations