Trick or Tweet Stories


A small selection of Twitter sized stories gleaned from the internet for Halloween…


Trick or TweetSitting down, he began to tell his girlfriend about his day; she listened patiently, her lifeless, glassy eyes staring.

I woke in the middle of the night and felt my dog jump onto the bed; felt her breath and her… scaly skin…

She woke up to find the empty apartment littered with Polaroids of her, asleep…

He had always loved his mother dearly and, after her death, he found comfort in her familiar but cold embrace…

The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door…

Terrified, I snapped the bolt across and ducked under the covers. Then a voice said; “Now we’re both locked in for the night…”

He looked down at his shadow. He could feel the cold biting at his ears. He looked at his shadow again; it wasn’t the cold…

She shuffles through the leaves, holding the small hand by her side. But the hand is cooling now and it still drips…

He tripped and fell, the contents of his pack emptied out; his late wife lay in bloody pieces, strewn across the floor.

In the dark ~ Naomi mistook ~ a shard of glass ~ for her contact lens

She woke from a disturbed sleep and stared, shivering, at the writing on her wall; “You are so beautiful when you sleep.”

As he raised his hand to hit her she put a bullet through his head. Then she sat by his body for a while, until it stirred…

I smile when I arrive home and hear my wife singing to our baby upstairs. Then she texts me: “I’ll be home late; traffic.”

“Do you love me?” Said the figure with outstretched arms, shuffling out of the dark hallway, wearing the skin of his wife.

The gentle night breeze briefly blew the curtains open, revealing a pale face peering in through the open window…

As he climbed the stairs, he glanced at the reflection in the window… and caught a glimpse of something just behind him.

He woke to the baby’s cry & the memory of his wife. The wail stopped & he smiled… until he saw who was nursing the baby.

As he fell into the water of the old quarry he saw, just under the surface, hundreds of eyes, black and wide with hunger…

Father was a butcher and very good at it. She learned early on not to get attached, but she did love to hear them beg…

A tweet from an old friend. He smiled and replied. He Googled him. A chill ran up his spine. His friend died last week.

I feel a solid wall above me, below me and all around me, now the sense of panic rises uncontrollably…

She slowly entered the kitchen, breath condensing and heart pounding; she heard a scratching… it was the cat trying to get in.


These Trick or Tweet Halloween stories were gleaned from the internet and reduced to Twitter size as prompted by Bright Ideas Nottingham@brightideasnott :^)


 

 

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William Tweetspeare quotations

William Tweetspeare © 2012 Roy Manterfield

2 August 2023 – A final update:

“To mine own grief Twitter hast become the whirligig of X, where half-truths increaseth every day, begot of nothing but vain fantasy.

‘Tis not for me to become William X-speare, therefore, I do sadly depart, to idly reside henceforth twixt the pages of a blog.

I wish thee all a tender but sad farewell, William Tweetspeare.”

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“A barren detested vale, you see it is;
The trees, though summer, yet forlorn and lean,
O’ercome with moss and baleful mistletoe:
Here never shines the sun; here nothing shares a post,
Unless the nightly owl or fatal raven tweet.”

“A plague on both your tweets! I am sped. Is he gone and hath tweet’d?”

“A tweet, a tweet, my kingdom for a tweet!”

“Alas, poor Twitter, almost afraid to know itself!”

“Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite tweets.”

“All that twitters is not gold.”

“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely tweeters.”

“And other tweets of woe, which now seem woe, compared with loss of thee will not seem so.”

“And sleep, that sometimes shuts up sorrow’s eye, steal me awhile from mine own tweets.”

“And though Twitter be but small, it is fierce.”

“And yet, to tweet the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays.”

“Art any more than a steward? Dost thou think because thou art tweeting there shall be no more cakes and ale?”

“As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with tweets.”

“As you are old and reverend, you should tweet.”

“Be great in act, as you have been in tweets.”

“Be not afraid of greatness: some are born tweeters, some achieve tweets, and some have Twitter thrust upon ‘em.”

“Be thou as chaste as ice, as pure as snow, thou shalt not escape Twitter. Get thee to a device, go.”

“Beauty provoketh tweets sooner than gold.”

“Besides, the knave is handsome, young, and hath all those requisites in him that folly and green minds tweet about.”

“Better a tweeting fool than a foolish tweet.”

“Beware the tweets of March.”

“Blow, blow, thou winter wind, thou art not so unkind as man’s twitterings.”

“Brevity is the soul of Twitter.”

“But ,soft! what tweet through yonder window breaks?”

“But I say there is no hope in’t: our tweets are sentenced and stay upon execution.”

“But I will wear my heart upon my sleeve for Twitter to peck at: I am not what I am.”

“But if the while I tweet on thee, dear friend, all losses are restored and sorrows end.”

“But Twitter is blind, and tweeters cannot see the pretty follies that they themselves post.”

“But words are words, I never yet did hear that the bruised heart was pierced through Twitter.”

“But, O, how bitter a thing is to look into happiness through another man’s tweets.”

“But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is a tweet, and Juliet is the tweeter.”

“By the tweeting of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.”

“Coal-black is better than another hue, in that it scorns to tweet another hue.”

“Come on, brave Tweeters: doubt not of the day.”

“Come what come may, time and the hour runs through the roughest tweet.”

“Come, let’s away to prison; We two alone will tweet.”

“Cowards die many times before their tweets, the valiant never tweet of death but once.”

“Done to death by slanderous tweets was the Hero that here lies.”

“Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more tweets of cakes and ale and selfies?”

“Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt my tweet.”

“Et tu, Brute? Then tweet, Caesar!”

“Every man has his faults, and Twitter is his.”

“Everyone ought to bear patiently the results of his own tweets.”

“Excellent wretch! Twitter catch my soul, but I do love thee! And when I love thee not Twitter is come again.”

“Expectation is the root of all tweets.”

“Fair tweeter, burn out thy light, and lend it not to darken her whose tweets excelleth thine.”

“Fate tweets to the warrior ‘You cannot withstand the storm’ and the warrior tweets back ‘I am the storm’.”

“For God’s sake, let us sit upon the ground and tweet sad stories of the death of kings.”

“For never was a story of more woe, than this tweet of Juliet and her Romeo.”

“For now these hot days is the mad blood stirring and tweeting.”

“For she had Twitter and chose me.”

“For when the noble Caesar saw him tweet, ingratitude, more strong than traitors’ arms, quite vanquish’d him.”

“Friends, Romans, countrymen, send me your tweets.”

“From you have I been absent in the spring, when proud-pied April dress’d in all his trim, hath put a tweet of youth in every thing.”

“Give every man thy ear, but few thy tweet.”

“Give me my robe, put on my crown; I have Immortal tweetings in me.”

“Give me some ink and paper in my tent; I’ll draw the form and model of our tweets.”

“Go to your bosom; Knock there, and ask your heart what it doth tweet.”

“Go, girl, look for a man who’ll give you happy tweets at the end of happy days.”

“God bless thee; and put meekness in thy mind, love, charity, obedience, and true tweets!”

“God has given you one face, and you tweet yourself another.”

“God has given you one Twitter account, and you make yourself another.”

“Good night, good night! Tweeting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall tweet good night till it be morrow.”

“He does me double wrong that wounds me with the flatteries of his tweets.”

“He is writing the tweet of his wit; by and by it will post.”

“He tweets if with a better grace, but I tweet it more natural.”

“He who has tweeted thee was either stronger or weaker than thee. If weaker, tweet him; if stronger, tweet thyself.”

“He will make the face of Twitter so fine that all the world will fall in love with night.”

“Hear my tweet speak of the very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly at your service.”

“Heaven truly knows that thou art false as Twitter.”

“Heaven truly knows that thou tweet false as hell.”

“Hell is empty and all the devils are tweeting.”

“Here can I sit alone, unseen of any, and to the nightingale’s complaining notes tweet my distresses and retweet my woes.”

“Here come the lovers, full of joy and mirth – joy, gentle friends! Joy and fresh days of love accompany your tweets!”

“His wit set down to make his valour live, death makes no conquest of this conqueror; for now he lives in fame, though not on Twitter.”

“How all occasions do tweet against me, And spur my dull revenge!”

“How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world that has such tweets in’t!”

“How far the little candle throws its beam! So shines a good deed in a naughty tweet.”

“How many goodly creatures are there here! How beauteous Twitter is!”

“How now? A tweet? Dead, for a ducat, dead!”

“How poor are they that have not Twitter!”

“I all alone beweep my outcast state and trouble Twitter with my bootless cries and look upon myself and tweet my fate.”

“I am a man more tweet’d against than tweeting.”

“I am a tweeter for each wind that blows.”

“I am disgraced, impeach’d and baffled here, Pierced to the soul with Twitter’s venom’d spear.”

“I am done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of thy tweets than I.”

“I am hurt. A plague a’ both your houses! I am sped. Is he gone and hath tweet’d?”

“I am not bound to please thee with my tweets.”

“I am resolved to post a greater tweet than any thou canst conjure up to-day.”

“I am wealthy in my tweets.”

“I burn, I pine, I perish, I tweet.”

“I come not, friends, to steal away your hearts: I am no tweeter, as Brutus is.”

“I come to tweet it wealthily in Padua; if wealthily, then happily in Padua.”

“I could be tweeted in a nutshell and count myself king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams.”

“I could be well moved, if I were as you: If I could tweet to move, Twitter would move me: But I am constant as the northern star.”

“I do love nothing in the world so well as Twitter: is not that strange?”

“I follow him to serve my tweet upon him.”

“I have done a thousand dreadful tweets… and nothing grieves me heartily indeed but that I cannot tweet ten thousand more.”

“I have loved Twitter too fondly to be fearful of tweeting.”

“I have seen a tweet that’s able to breathe life into a stone, quicken a rock, and make you dance canary.”

“I have too long borne your blunt upbraidings and your bitter tweets.”

“I have used Twitter too frequently, to ever be frightened of the night.”

“I heard a bird so sing, whose tweet, to my thinking, pleased the king.”

“I like this Twitter and could willingly waste my time in it.”

“I must be cruel only to be kind; thus bad begins, and worse remains to tweet.”

“I pray thee cease thy tweets, which falls into mine ears as profitless as water in a sieve.”

“I pray you bear me henceforth from the noise and rumour of Twitter.”

“I say there is no darkness but Twitter.”

“I take it up; and by that tweet I swear which gently laid my knighthood on my shoulder, I’ll answer thee in any fair degree, or chivalrous design of knightly trial.”

“I tweet the world but as the world, Gratiano, a stage where every man must tweet a part, and mine a sad one.”

“I tweet thee. I tweet thee with a love that shall not die. Till the sun grows cold and the stars grow old.”

“I was tweeting for a fool when I found you.”

“I wasted time, and now doth Twitter waste me.”

“I will buy with you, sell with you, talk with you, walk with you, and so following; but I will not tweet with you.”

“I wish you well and so I take my leave, I pray you know me when we tweet again.”

“I would not tweet any companion in the world but you.”

“I would tweet all my fame for a pot of ale, and safety.”

“I, that did never tweet, now melt with woe, that winter should cut off our spring-time so.”

“If he could right himself with tweets, some of us would lie low.”

“If I do tweet thee, I do tweet a thing that none but fools would tweet.”

“If I lose mine Twitter account, I lose myself.”

“If it were tweet’d, when ‘tis done, then ‘twere well it were done quickly.”

“If this were play’d upon a stage now, I could tweet it as an improbable fiction.”

“If tweeting be the food of love, tweet on.”

“If Twitter has offended, think but this, and all is mended, that you have but slumber’d here while these tweets did appear.”

“If you can look into the seeds of time and say which grains will grow and which will not, tweet then to me.”

“If you love me, I’ll always be in your heart… if you hate me, I’ll always be in your tweets.”

“Ill deeds are doubled with an evil tweet.”

“I’ll never pause again, never stand still, Till either death hath closed these eyes of mine, Or Twitter given me measure of revenge.”

“I’ll tweet in a monstrous little voice.”

“In a false tweet there is no true valour.”

“In thy right hand carry gentle peace to silence envious tweets.”

“In time we hate that which we often tweet.”

“In Twitter there’s nothing so becomes a man as modest stillness and humility.”

“Is it e’en so? Then I defy you, Twitter!”

“Is this a tweet which I see before me?”

“Is tweeting nothing? Is leaning cheek to cheek? Is meeting noses?”

“Is Twitter such a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.”

“It is a heretic that posts a tweet, not she which reads it.”

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in our tweets.”

“It’s not enough to tweet, but to tweet true.”

“Jesters do oft prove tweeters.”

“Journeys end in lovers tweeting, every wise man’s son doth know.”

“Keep a good tweet in your head.”

“Lawless are they that make their tweets their law.”

“Let me not think on’t – Frailty, thy name is Twitter!”

“Let no one who tweets be unhappy… even a retweet has its rainbow.”

“Let not thy mother lose her tweets, Hamlet; I pray thee, stay with us; go not to Twitter.”

“Let us not burden our tweets with a heaviness that’s gone.”

“Like as the waves make towards the pebb’d shore, so do our tweets, hasten to their end.”

“Like madness is the glory of Twitter.”

“Live a little; comfort a little; tweet thyself a little.”

“Look like the innocent tweet, but be the serpent under it.”

“Love all, tweet a few, do wrong to none.”

“Love comforteth like sunshine after rain, But Twitter’s effect is tempest after sun.”

“Love surfeits not, Twitter like a glutton dies; Love is all truth, Twitter full of forged lies.”

“Love tweets not with the eyes but with the mind.”

“Lovers and tweeters have such seething brains, such shaping fantasies, that apprehend more than cool reason ever comprehends.”

“Love’s gentle spring doth always fresh remain, Twitter’s winter comes ere summer half be done.”

“Many a good hanging prevents a bad tweet.”

“Men of few tweets are the best men.”

“Men’s evil manners live in brass. Their virtues we write on Twitter.”

“My Lord, we know what we are now, but know not what we may tweet.”

“My rage is gone; And I am struck with Twitter.”

“My troublous tweets this night doth make me sad.”

“My tweets are as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I tweet to thee.”

“My tweets shall brave the eye of heaven at noon, and, being unmasked, outshine the golden sun.”

“My tweets, as in a dream, are all bound up.”

“My Twitter is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I tweet to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.”

“My words fly up, my tweets remain below: words without tweets never to heaven go.”

“No tweet is so rich as honesty.”

“Nothing emboldens sin so much as Twitter.”

“Nothing will come of nothing, tweet again.”

“Now go we in content to tweet, and not to banishment.”

“Now is the winter of our discontent made into a glorious tweet by this son of York.”

“O brave new world that has such tweeters in’t!”

“O coward conscience, how dost thou tweet me!”

“O God of Twitter! Steal my soldiers’ tweets. Post them not online.”

“O happy dagger! This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me tweet.”

“O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore tweet thou Romeo?”

“O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a tweet I die.”

“O villain, villain, tweeting, damned villain!”

“O, beware, my lord, of Twitter; it is the green-ey’d monster, which doth mock the meat it feeds on.”

“O, how this spring of love tweeteth the uncertain glory of an April day.”

“O, what men dare do! What men may do! What men daily do, not tweeting what they do!”

“Of all base passions Twitter is most accurs’d.”

“Oft have I heard that Twitter softens the mind, And makes it fearful and degenerate.”

“Oft Twitter fails, and most oft there.”

“Oh how full of briars is this Twitter world.”

“Oh what may man within Twitter hide, though angel on the outward side.”

“One that tweet’d not wisely but too well.”

“One touch of nature makes the whole world tweet.”

“Opinion’s but a fool that makes us tweet the outward habit by the inward man.”

“Or are you like the tweeting of a sorrow, a face without a heart?”

“Orpheus with his tweets made trees, and the mountain tops that freeze, bow themselves when he did post.”

“Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie, which we ascribe to Twitter.”

“Our tweets are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”

“Out, damn’d tweet! out, I say!”

“Prove true, Twitter, O, prove true.”

“Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, and summer’s lease hath all too short a tweet.”

“Self-tweeting, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as selfies.”

“Shall I bend low and in a bondman’s key, with bated breath and twittering humbleness.”

“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou tweet more lovely and more temperate.”

“Shall in these confines with a monarch’s tweet cry “Havoc!” and let slip the dogs of war.”

“Shall we their fond pageant see? Lord, what fools these tweeters be.”

“She is a tweeter of honour and renown, a spur to valiant and magnanimous deeds, whose present courage may beat down our foes, and fame in time to come retweet us.”

“Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry tweet.”

“Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry tweet.”

“So again good night. I must be cruel only to be kind. Thus tweeting begins and worse remains behind.”

“So full of artless Twitter is guilt, it tweets itself in fearing to be spilt.”

“So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, so long lives Twitter, and this gives life to thee.”

“So wise so young, they say do never tweet long.”

“Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with tweets.”

“Some rise by sin, and some by Twitter fall.”

“Something is tweeting in the state of Denmark.”

“Stars, hide your fires; let not light see my black and deep tweets,”

“Strong reasons make strong tweets.”

“Such tweets as dreams are made on.”

“Suspicion always haunts the guilty tweet.”

“Sweet are the uses of Twitter, which, like a toad, though ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in its head.”

“Sweet mercy is Twitter’s true badge.”

“Sweet Twitter, I thank thee for thy sunny tweets; I thank thee, Twitter, for tweeting now so bright.”

“Take note, take note, O Twitter, to be direct and honest is not safe.”

“That heaven and earth may strike their sounds together, applauding our tweets.”

“That man that hath a tweet, I say is no man.”

“That tweet is comfortless as frozen water to a starved snake.”

“The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from Twitter.”

“The better part of Twitter is discretion.”

“The devil can cite Twitter for his purpose.”

“The Earth has music for those who tweet.”

“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our tweets, but in ourselves, that we are underlings.”

“The fool doth tweet he is wise, but the wise man tweets himself to be a fool.”

“The gods are just, and of our pleasant vices make Twitter to plague us.”

“The king-becoming graces: Justice, verity, temperance, selfies, stableness, bounty, perseverance, mercy, lowliness, devotion, social media, patience, courage, fortitude. I have not tweeted of them.”

“The lady doth tweet too much, methinks.”

“The man that hath no music in himself, nor is not mov’d with concord of sweet sounds, is not fit for Twitter.”

“The meaning of life is to find your tweet. The purpose of life is to tweet it away.”

“The miserable have no other medicine, but only Twitter.”

“The more pity that fools may not tweet wisely what wise men tweet foolishly.”

“The object of Twitter is to give life a shape.”

“The prince of Twitter is a gentleman.”

“The quality of tweets is not strained.”

“The robb’d that smiles, tweets something from the thief.”

“The spirit of my father tweets strong in me.”

“The trust I have is in mine tweets, and therefore am I bold and resolute.”

“The tweet is come full circle: I am here.”

“The tweeting raven doth bellow for revenge.”

“The tweets are number’d that make up my life.”

“The tweets of true love never did run smooth.”

“The very substance of Twitter is merely the shadow of a dream.”

“The villany you teach me, I will tweet, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction.”

“The web of our tweets is like a mingled yarn, good and ill together.”

“There are more tweets in heaven and earth, Horatio.”

“There is nothing either good or bad but tweeting makes it so.”

“There was a star danced, and under that was I tweeting.”

“Therefore, my lord, go tweet for a while.”

“These violent tweets have violent ends and in their posting die like fire and powder which, as they kiss, consume.”

“Things tweeted are done; joy’s soul lies in the doing.”

“Things won are done; joy’s soul lies in the tweeting.”

“Think you I am no stronger than my tweet?”

“This above all: to thine own tweet be true.”

“This was the noblest tweeter of them all.”

“Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge of thine own tweets.”

“Though Twitter be madness, yet there is method in’t.”

“Thoughts are but dreams till their effects be tweeted.”

“Thus far, with rough and all-unable pen, our tweeting author hath pursued the story.”

“Thus far, with rough and all-unable screen,
Our tweeting author hath pursued the story,
In little room confining mighty men,
Mangling by starts the full course of their tweets.”

“Tis easy for people to joke about Twitter if they’ve never been retweeted.”

“Tis not the many tweets that makes the truth, but the plain single tweet that is tweet’d true.”

“Tis one thing to be tempted, another thing to tweet.”

“To have seen much and to have tweeted nothing is to have rich eyes and poor tweets.”

“To sleep, perchance to dream – ay, there’s the tweet.”

“To tweet, or not to tweet: that is the question.”

“True is it that we have seen better tweets and have wiped our eyes of drops that Twitter hath engendered.”

“Tweet ‘Havoc!’ and let slip the dogs of war.”

“Tweet it not, Duncan, for it is a knell that summons thee to heaven or to hell.”

“Tweet like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under’t.”

“Tweet mightily, but eat and drink as friends.”

“Tweet no more; tis not so sweet now as it was before.”

“Tweet not by the moon, the inconstant moon, that monthly changes in her circled orb, lest that thy love prove likewise variable.”

“Tweet of newt, and tweet of frog, tweet of bat, and tweet of dog.”

“Tweet what you most affect.”

“Tweet wisely and slowly. Those who rush stumble and fall.”

“Tweet you no more of this, ’tis like the howling of Irish wolves against the moon.”

“Tweet’d by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

“Tweeted mirth hath tweeted laughter.”

“Tweeting what is lost makes the remembrance dear.”

“Tweets are but dreams till their effects be tried.”

“Tweets are made to bear, and so are you.”

“Tweets are what they are, no matter what we call them.”

“Tweets remind us that the past was real.”

“Tweets sought are good but given unsought, are better.”

“Tweets without thought never to heaven go.”

“Twitter always haunts the guilty mind.”

“Twitter has music for those who listen.”

“Twitter hath been at a great feast of languages, and stol’n the scraps.”

“Twitter is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

“Twitter is an idle and most false imposition, oft got without merit and lost without deserving.”

“Twitter is better than high birth to me, richer than wealth, prouder than garments cost.”

“Twitter is constant in all other things, save in the office and affairs of love.”

“Twitter is heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold, sick and healthy, asleep and awake – it’s everything except what it is!”

“Twitter is like a circle in the water.”

“Twitter is the root of all heartache.”

“Twitter is the virtue of the law, and none but tyrants use it cruelly.”

“Twitter shall unfold what plighted cunning hides: who cover faults, at last shame them derides.”

“Twitter should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood.”

“Twitter, I see, is catching.”

“Twitter, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun; it shines everywhere.”

“Twitter. Tis neither here nor there.”

“Twitter? Thou protector of this damned strumpet, talk’st thou to me of tweets?”

“Twitter’s but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage.”

“Under Twitter’s heavy burden do I sink.”

“Virtue and genuine graces in themselves speak what no tweet can utter.”

“We few, we happy few, we band of tweeters.”

“We know what we are, but know not what we may tweet.”

“We should be tweet’d and were not made to tweet.”

“We wound our modesty and make foul the clearness of our deservings, when of ourselves we tweet them.”

“What a piece of work is a man! How noble in Twitter!”

“What, my dear Lady Disdain! Are you yet tweeting?”

“What’s here? the portrait of a blinking idiot, presenting me a tweet! I will read it.”

“What’s in a name? That which we tweet by any other name would smell as sweet.”

“What’s tweeted can’t be untweeted.”

“When I saw you I fell in love, and you tweeted because you knew.”

“When shall we three tweet again, in thunder, lightning or in rain?”

“When the blast of Twitter blows in our ears then imitate the actions of the tiger: stiffen the sinews, summon up the spellchecker.”

“When tweeters die there are no comets seen; the heavens themselves blaze forth the death of princes.”

“When tweets come, they come not single spies, but in battalions.”

“When we are born, we cry that we are come to this great state of Twitter.”

“When we have tweet’d to see the sails conceive, and grow big-bellied with the wanton wind.”

“When words are scarce they are seldom tweeted in vain.”

“Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous tweets.”

“While you tweet, tell truth. And shame the Devil.”

“Who is it that can tell me what to tweet?”

“Who taught thee how to make me tweet thee more.”

“Why then the world’s mine oyster, which I with Twitter will open.”

“Why then tonight let us tweet our plot.”

“Why, no Twitter, you ruinous butt, you whoreson indistinguishable cur, no.”

“Wisely and slow. They stumble that tweet fast.”

“With bated breath and tweet’ring humbleness.”

“With mirth and laughter and Twitter, let old wrinkles come.”

“Words are easy, like Twitter, but a faithful friend is hard to find.”

“Yes, for a score of accounts you should tweet, and I would call it fair play.”

“Yet, do thy worst old time: despite thy wrong, my love shall in my tweet ever live young.”

“Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look, he tweets too much; such men are dangerous.”

“You cram these tweets into mine ears against the stomach of my sense.”

“You have witchcraft in your tweets.”

“You know his nature, that he’s revengeful, and I know his tweets hath a sharp edge.”

“You pay a great deal too dear for what’s tweeted freely.”

“You tweet an infinite deal of nothing.”

“Your horrid tweet doth unfix my hair.”

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For other stuff in this blog, click on these links:

Humour

Puns and word-play

Quotations

Twitter gags

A handful of Twitter inspired jokes:

 
I used to like to think of something really stupid to say and then not say it; then along came Twitter.

Watch what you eat AND watch what you say; as with food, you are what you tweet.

I’ve been thinking about Tweeting to someone in jail, but the sentence was too long.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to retweet it.

After ‘M’onday and ‘T’uesday all you’re left with is ‘WTF’.

LMAO… damn, now where am I going to sit?

Some tweeters have a way with words, others don’t not have none.

‘Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter’ ~ ‘Sorry, I don’t follow you’

Twitter’s great; I neither put on weight nor feel uncomfortable when I’ve had too much Tweet.

I wanted to follow UK politicians Nick Clegg and Vince Cable on Twitter, but I can’t ad-lib.

I was going to tweet about anticlimaxes, but then I didn’t.

My canary has stopped chirping. Please retweet.

 

 

Know Pun Intended Promo Logo L

 

 

 

 

 

 

For other stuff in this blog, click on these links:


Humour

Puns and word-play

Quotations



Twitter lists

My lists for some of the things I’m interested in

There are quite a few Twitter links for Nottingham people, places and organisations at the bottom of the page.

Click on the images to link to the lists.

Chocolate

Chocolate
Chocolate

Humour – Well, they amuse me anyway

Humour
Humour









National and international news

National and international news
National and international news

Twitter stuff – Applications and information

Twitter stuff
Twitter stuff

IT stuff – Web, software and applications

IT stuff
IT stuff







Quotations – Quote unquote
Quotations
Quotations

Twit-fiction – Writers of fiction, short stories and poetry

Fiction, short stories and poetry
Fiction, short stories and poetry








Nottingham


News and media tweets about Nottingham

Nottingham news
Nottingham news

Arts, culture and entertainment in Nottingham

Nottingham arts and culture
Nottingham arts and culture

Restaurants, cafes and pubs in Nottingham

Nottingham food and drink
Nottingham food and drink








Musicians, groups and music venues in Nottingham

Nottingham music and venues
Nottingham music and venues

Companies, business and commerce in Nottingham

Nottingham Commerce
Nottingham Commerce

Tweets from and about Nottingham City Council and partners

Nottingham City Council
Nottingham City Council






Organisations, groups and societies in Nottingham

Organisations in Nottingham
Organisations in Nottingham






Tweety Treats To ReTweet

A very small selection of some favourite Tweets.

@5tevenw
Cigarettes are just like ferrets, perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and set it on fire…

@seanmtully
Ah – the quiet and persistent genius: RT @MumblingNerd: I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous :^)

@JoyLashes
Fave tweet! @MumblingNerd Apparently there’s a theory that chocolate slows down the aging process; it may not be true, but why take the risk?

@mlomb
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy. #humor

@ComicTwit
What if there were no hypothetical questions?

@OriMeissa
RT @MumblingNerd Wear short sleeves and support your right to bare arms! :^) << Groan!! Now that’s a 2nd amendment everyone can live with :)

@5tevenw
2 Eskimos in kayak were cold. They lit fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it

@5tevenw
My wife says I never listen to her….or something like that.

@mrjuggles
RT @MumblingNerd: I’ve been thinking about Tweeting to someone in jail, but the sentence was too long :^)

@waivethesale
@PembDave There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary & those who don’t.

@pissyserver
Why don’t people google things? Some of my smartest friends send me emails asking me shit when googling it would yeild faster answers.

@shitmydadsays
“A mule kicked Uncle Bob once. Broke his ribs. He punched it in the face.. My point? You have an ingrown fucking toenail. Stop bitching.”

@shitmydadsays
“I hate paying bills… Son, don’t say “me too.” I didn’t say that looking to relate to you. I said it instead of “go away.”

@shitmydadsays
“The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain’t like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain’t spitting it out.”

@duhism
rt Duhism Master @MumblingNerd: I bought a new jersey in Newark, Nottinghamshire, but now it’s in such a state I only wear it in the garden

@maineroots
Brilliant! RT @MumblingNerd: Why would you need both a carrot and a stick, when a very large raw carrot could fulfil both roles?

@shitmydadsays
“I turn the kitchen faucet on and the shower burns you, yes, I get it…No, I’m not gonna stop, I’m just saying yes, I get that concept.”

@Hipchickadee
I have C.D.O. It’s like O.C.D. but all the letters are in alphabetical order as they should be

@BrazenlyLiberal
RT @MumblingNerd: Read Tweet. Right wheat, rate trait, right to eat, raid treat; right sweet! Ride tight, right trite… retreat. Re Tweet.

@MumblingNerd
@indykitty I had a flat in Nottingham in the hilly bit, before that I had a flat in the flat bit, now I’m in the hilly bit without a flat

@indykitty
As soon as you make something idiot-proof, along comes a bigger idiot.

@indykitty
Two rules to live by: First, look out for #1. Second, don’t step in #2.

@MumblingNerd
Found a woollen jumper by the bus stop this morning; perhaps a driver had to pullover :^)

@TheWritersDen
New strangest tweet of the day~ @MumblingNerd ~ To wear is you man, two four give deep vine.~

@StoryofMyLife
Cool Twitter name of the day: @MumblingNerd #fb Yay!

@YouLookGreat
says take life one day at a time, but take doughnuts two at a time.

@norcross
90 people get swine flu and everyone wants to wears a mask. A million people get AIDS and yet no one wants to wear a condom. Just sayin.

@harmonyjones
Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be.

@A_McLordy Pope says atheists pick & choose their morals. Correct. Today I will be frowning on child abuse & not having a problem with homosexuality.

@rationalbritain
RT @ MumblingNerd Friar Tuck doesn’t like spoonerisms. Heheheh…

@deathbychoccy
Men are always whining about how women suffocate them. Well, if you can still hear them whine, you’re not holding the pillow hard enough!


For other stuff in this blog, click on these links:


Humour

Puns and word-play

Quotations