Twitter gags

A handful of Twitter inspired jokes:

I used to like to think of something really stupid to say and then not say it; then along came Twitter.

Watch what you eat AND watch what you say; as with food, you are what you tweet.

I’ve been thinking about Tweeting to someone in jail, but the sentence was too long.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to retweet it.

After ‘M’onday and ‘T’uesday all you’re left with is ‘WTF’.

LMAO… damn, now where am I going to sit?

Some tweeters have a way with words, others don’t not have none.

‘Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter’ ~ ‘Sorry, I don’t follow you’

Twitter’s great; I neither put on weight nor feel uncomfortable when I’ve had too much Tweet.

I wanted to follow UK politicians Nick Clegg and Vince Cable on Twitter, but I can’t ad-lib.

I was going to tweet about anticlimaxes, but then I didn’t.

My canary has stopped chirping. Please retweet.



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Puns and word-play



8 thoughts on “Twitter gags

    1. *Grin* Yes, some of these don’t work too well do they. I like the two you mentioned, but my other favourite is: ‘Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter’ ~ ‘Sorry, I don’t follow you’ :^)

      1. Yeah, this one is super-duper!

        I like this one too: An Invisible Man married and Invisible Woman. Their kids were nothing to look at either.

      2. That’s a golden oldie! How about: An eccentric bachelor passed away and left a nephew nothing but 392 clocks; the nephew is now busy winding up the estate.

  1. So sorry for the bachelor’s estate… hehehe

    I simply adore all kinds of British humour, both in prose and in verse, kids’ stuff and adult one: limerics, puns, batty books, epitaphs, daffy-nitions, etc… A gag a day keeps a doctor away! A lover of poetry, I sometimes ask my students to make their own translations/interpretations of humourous poems like this one:

    An accident happened to my brother Jim
    When somebody threw a tomato at him.
    Tomatoes are juicy and don’t hurt the skin,…
    But this one was specially packed in a tin.

    This one evoked a burst of creativity in them!

    1. That’s wonderful; I’m quite jealous that you and so many other people can grasp another language to such an extent and gain so much fun and appreciation from it.

      I’ve tried a few times to learn German and French, neither of which are that far removed from English, but I’ve failed miserably beyond ordering coffee and cake. Mind you, ordering coffee and cake is an essential skill! :^)

      1. Thank you, Roy. When I started learning English, I had no idea how I can use it in the country with the iron wall that separated us from the West. I actually thought of a medical career until one day I found myself in Moscow. It was then that I first used English for real-life communication with a native speaker of it, not as a dead language I used to learn at school. I owe English a lot in my personal development. I think it made my life much more interesting and exciting.

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