Section A B C

Diction Hairy of Reeve Eyes Deaf Finnish Huns

(Dictionary of Revised Definitions)

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Aardvark (n): never killed anyone
Abandon (n): items held together by rubber bands
Abbreviation (n): very short aircraft
Abduct (n): duck with a flat stomach
Abduct (n): navel
Abductee (n): to kidnap a golf tee
Abjure (n): injury to your abs
Abode (n): poem dedicated to stomach muscles
Abominable (n): explosive device swallowed by a male bovine
Absolute (n): definitely a lute
Abstemious (n): to deny steam
Abundance (n): like dancing, but with cakes
Accumulate (v): repeatedly not arriving on time
Ace (n): frozen water in the drinks of the English aristocracy
Acrimony (n): what a divorcee receives
Acrobat (n): crow and bat crossbreed
Acronym (n): a very short nymph
Activate (v): not dieting
Ad infinitum (n): TV commercials
Adhere (n): location for advertising
Adieu (n): to leave without further adieu
Adjudicator (n): official charged with allocating the name Judy
Adulate (n): belated Facebook friend
Adult (n): the stage where you stop growing upwards and start growing sideways
Adultery (n): a full grown tree
Adverse (v): to lengthen poetry
Advice (n): addicted to advertising
Advocate (n): a supporter of Advocaat
Aerobic (n): flying ball pen
Aerodrome (n): camel made of aerated chocolate
Aficionado (n): a Spanish fish fancier
Agenda (n): a single French police officer
Aggravate (n): effect of having to cook in an aga oven
Agoraphobia (n): fear of bullfights
Agriculture (n): barn dance
Airlines (n): vapour trails
Alarms (n): an octopus
Alchemist (n): a fine spray of alcohol
Algebra (n): brassiere made from algae
Algorithm (n): algae with a dance beat
Alien abduction (n): extraterrestrial stomach reduction technique
Alienate (n): to be worried about hungry extraterrestrials
Alkaline (n): the queue for the bar
Allusive (n): food strainer made of aluminium
Alt Gr (n): for when the Alt key isn’t angry enough
Altercation (n): sacrificial fight
Altruism (n): knowing your exact altitude
Ambivalence (n): uncertain or fluctuating ambulance
Amish (n): approximately morning
Amphibious (n): frogs that are neither right nor left handed
Anachronism (n): clockwork spider
Anaesthetic (n): loss of artistic feeling
Androgyny (n): the study of robot genitals
Anglophile (n): used to remove sharp and rough edges
Antagonise (v): to cause ants anguish
Antagonist (n): advice columnist
Antelope (n): a family scandal
Anthology (n): a collection of ant stories
Antidote (n): adoring aunt
Antimacassar (n): Uncle Macassar’s partner
Antimony (n): bartering
Antipathy (n): preferring to walk on grass
Antwerp (n): a silly or annoying ant
Aperitif (n): dentures for primates
Aplomb (n): a posh plum
Apocalypse (n): cold sores
Apocryphal (n): phallus of questionable authenticity
Apparent (n): iPhone app for parents
Apparition (n): ethereal iPhone or iPad
Appealing (v): removing the skin from a potato
Appeared (n): ear application for iPhones and iPads
Appetite (n): an iPhone app that’s too tight
Applaud (v): clapping for iPhones and iPads
Appointment (n): ointment for iPhones and iPads
Appraise (v): to lift an iPhone or iPad
Apprehend (n): iPhone application for locating chickens
Apprehensieve (n): iPhone application for separating hens from cockerels
Apprehensive (n): reprehensible iPhone app
Archaeologist (n): someone whose career is in ruins
Archer (n): a builder of arches
Archetype (n): architect’s keyboard
Archive (n): where Noah kept the bees
Armageddon (n): decisive conflict over a limb
Aroma (n): scent of Rome
Arson (v): to be seated
Artefact (n): Pablo Picasso had a blue period
Artichoke (n): creative strangulation
Articulated (n): paintings that bend in the middle
Artificial (n): gallery curator
Artillery (n): small blood vessels
Ascend (v): to mail someone’s bottom
Ascent (n): bottom already mailed
Aspect (n): result of turning your back on a chicken
Aspiration (n): sweat from the buttocks
Aspirational (n): to be inspired by a snake
Asset (n): small posterior
Associate (n): to be acquainted with bottoms
Assort (n): to rearrange donkeys alphabetically
Asteroid (n): orbiting haemorrhoid
Astronomical (n): to find the universe comical
Asymmetry (n): a place to bury dead people
Atheist (n): to be more athe than anyone else
Athenaeum (n): a mild sneeze
Atrophy (n): reward for long service in local government
Attack (n): solitary pin
Attendance (n): the next dance after nine
Audacity (n): the sound of the city
Audible (n): loud bovine
Audit (n): the sound of bookkeeping
Auspicious (n): a favourable Australian
Automaton (n): mechanical tomato
Autonomous (n): clockwork mouse
Avoidable (v): what a bullfighter attempts
Avoidance (n): to evade boogieing relatives at weddings
Awful (n): emotional overload caused by kittens
Awful (n): full of awe


Babylon (n): tough synthetic infant
Baccarat (v): rodent sponsorship
Bacteria (n): the room behind the cafeteria
Baguette (n): very small bag
Balderdash (n): rapidly receding hairline
Ballroom (n): large underpants
Bamboo (n): Italian baby
Bamboozle (n): bamboo with a nozzle
Banana (n): grandmother embargo
Bandage (n): rock group longevity measurement
Bandana (n): illegal banana
Baptism (n): to pour water on bread rolls
Barbecue (n): waiting for a haircut
Barbiturate (n): powerful soporific effect of collectable dolls
Barcode (n): dog poetry
Bargain (n): profits from alcohol sales
Bark (n): Noah’s backup vessel
Barnacle (n): arthropods attached to farm buildings
Baroque (n): aristocratic damage
Barque (n): Small French dog
Barrow (n): related to borrow; device to transport ‘borrowed’ items
Basic (n): unsophisticated vomit
Bass (n): secondary posterior
Bauble (n): posh bubble; as in champagne
Bean sprout (n): no longer a sprout
Bearing (n): ursine jewellery
Because (n): cousin of a bee
Become (v): drone servicing the queen bee
Bedraggle (n): night time argument
Beetroot (n): noise made by flatulent bees
Begin (n): honey flavoured gin
Beheaded (n): head like a bee
Behind (n): back end of a bee
Behold (n): insect wrestling move
Belie (n): bee that tells fibs
Belief (n): a bee’s second favourite part of a plant
Bellicose (n): stroppy veins
Belly (n): a bit like a bell
Benefactor (n): manufacturer of benefits
Benighted (n): an honour bestowed by the Queen
Benign (n): wish of an eight year old
Bequest (n): to ask for a bee
Besmirched (compound v): compiled from ‘bee, Smurf and birched’
Besot (n): very wet bee
Bestow (n): a place to store bees
Bestrode (n): how a bee walks
Betrothed (n): when bees get married
Beware (n): black and yellow striped clothing
Beware (n): clothing for bees
Biased (n): having two bottoms
Bidet (n): opposite of benighted
Bidet (n): two days before D-day
Bigamist (n): impenetrable fog
Bigamy (n): failed diet
Bigotry (n): Californian Giant Sequoia
Bilingual (n): when you have to pay for a phrase book
Bingo (n): thanks to the refuse collector
Biscuit (n): bi-curious cookie
Black-hole (n): what you get in black socks
Blancmange (n): dandruff in blondes
Blasé (n): a casual blazer
Bleach (n): very pale coastline
Blindfold (n): origami with a mask
Bling or bling-bling (n): hip-hop ringtone
Blizzard (n): Arctic vulture
Blouse (n): parasitic shirt
Blurted (n): drunk teddy bear
Boisterous (n): unruly posterior
Bombard (n): Shakespearian explosion
Bon appétit (n): French for ‘small bone’
Bonding (v): what 007 does
Boomerang (n): dessert made from egg white and sugar that makes you return for more
Booming (n): what happens to ugly Chinese vases
Botany (n): study of bottoms
Bouffant (n): French for ‘startling an elephant’
Bovine (n): to be startled while drinking wine
Box (n): inoperative Xbox
Boyhood (n): Robin Hood in his youth
Braid (n): posh bread
Branch (n): secondary ranch
Brandish (n): bowl for wholemeal cereal
Breadth (n): excessive waistline due to loaf eating
Breadth (n): width of a loaf
Breaking-news (v): smashing the TV when Fox comes on
Bright (n): opposite of bereft
Bristle (n): whistle made in Bristol
Broadcast (n): overweight actors
Broom (n): revving room
Brothel (n): tiny portion of soup
Brother (n): soup maker
Brouhaha (v): to find home made beer amusing
Brunet (n): device for capturing beer
Brutally (n): quantity of tea drunk
Buccaneer (n): pirate sold in one-dollar stores
Bucket (n): small United States coin
Budget (n): to move something
Buenas-noches (n): Spanish for free nachos
Buffalo (n): nudist greeting
Buffet (n): self-service meal for nudists
Bulgarian (n): beef eating vegetarian
Bulletin (n): corned beef
Bumbling (n): vagabond accessories
Bumpkin (v): to collide with a relative
Bungle (n): badly made hamburger
Bunting (n): Jamaican bread roll
Buoyant (n): merely eats and mates, unlike female ants
Burdened (n): tail feathers
Bureau (n): small donkey for transporting water in France
Bustard (n): broken custard
Buttress (n): support for large posteriors


Cachet (n): loose change in France
Cadillac (n): golfer without an assistant
Calculate (n): very slow pocket calculator
Camouflage (n): to disguise yourself as a camel
Campaign (n): tent discomfort
Canard (n): hard to open tin
Candidate (n): sugary palm fruit
Candied (n): terminal confectionery
Canine (n): California, California, California, California, California, California, California, California, California
Cantaloupe (n): incapable of eloping
Capitalisation (n): identify your primary city
Capon (n): Batman in uniform
Capsize (n): small tab of material inside the brim
Carafe (n): giraffe transporter
Carbuncle (n): male relative of the carburettor
Carbuncle (n): relative who mainly eats cereals, bread and pasta
Carcass (n): in-car entertainment replaced by CDs
Caribbean (n): bean used as a substitute for chocolate
Carpaccio (n): Italian automobile bodywork repairs
Carpe diem (v): to kill a goldfish
Carpenter (n): access for carp
Carpet (n): small animal kept in the glove compartment
Carrot (n): automobile rust
Cashew (n): repulsive currency
Castration (v): to fling a portion of food
Cat whiskers (n): people who whisk cats
Catabolic (n): feline testicles
Cataclysm (n): feline calamity
Catacomb (n): pet brush
Catalepsy (n): a nervous condition in cats
Catamaran (n): whipped egg white, baked with a cat
Cataplexy (n): loss of muscle tone in cats
Cataplexy (n): very angry cat
Catapult (n): very fast cat
Cataract (n): somewhere to hang cats to dry
Catastrophe (n): feline punctuation
Catastrophe (n): not the most attractive trophy
Catatonic (n): feline cocktail
Category (n): to be gored by a cat
Caterwaul (n): a place for felines to sit and watch the world
Catwalk (v): moving with feline grace
Celebrate (n): grated celery
Celibate (n): to abstain from celery
Cellulite (n): low calorie prison
Censorship (n): a suppressed vessel
Centipede (n): temperature of urine
Chaffinch (n): unit of length in British aviaries
Chagrin (n): post-coital smile
Champagne (n): not real pain
Champion (n): winning French mushroom
Charismatic (n): celebrity with respiratory problems
Château (n): French for wet cat
Chauffeur (n): furs salesperson
Cheapskate (n): ice rink special offer
Cheapskate (n): what baby chicks do in very cold weather
Cheep (n): economical sheep
Chicanery (n): a tricky chick
Chintz (n): soft furnishings for chins
Chivalry (n): frozen cavalry
Chocolatier (n): deafness caused by chocolate
Chuckling (n): a very short throw
Churlish (n): a bit like a church
Cinderella (n): cremated umbrella
Cipher (n): covert gopher
Circumlocution (n): talking about circumcisions
Circumnavigate (n): locating circumcisions
Classification (n): to make into a classroom
Claustrophobia (n): fear of Father Christmas
Climate (n): to scramble over a friend
Clock (n): call of a posh chicken
Coarse (n): programme of abrasive lessons
Codswallop (n): hitting someone with a fish
Coffee (n): fee charged for coughing at a concert
Coffee (n): recipient of a cough
Cogito ergo sum (n): to understand the arithmetic that fits a person to their environment
Cognitive (n): thinking about cogs
Coincide (n): suicidal money
Coincident (n): damaged money
Colonnade (n): unsavoury soft drink
Colony (n): a bit like a colon
Comatose (n): very numb toes
Combat (n): night flying fighting mammal
Combination (n): country for hairdressers
Comfort (n): cosy stronghold
Comical (n): humorous cone shape
Committee (n): a gathering to keep minutes and waste hours
Compassion (n): computer obsession
Completed (n): a pleated computer
Composer (n): ostentatious use of a laptop
Comprehensive (n): to understand a chicken
Condescending (n): falling scam
Condominium (n): prophylactic for small people
Confound (n): recaptured convict
Congenital (n): fake penis
Conical (n): tedious cone shape
Connoisseur (n): French sewer inspector
Conquistador (n): Spanish for ‘I just walked into a door’
Conscience (n): criminology
Consciousness (n): the irritating gap between naps
Contagion (n): box to keep Roman legionnaires in
Contemporary (n): part time criminal
Contemporary (n): prisoner on remand
Control (n): a troll convict
Conundrum (n): a company of drumming nuns
Conundrum (n): barbarian percussion
Converse (n): prison poetry
Co-operation (n): more than one surgeon
Counterfeit (n): using your toes as an abacus
Counterintuitive (n): using intuition to avoid walking into a counter
Courgette (n): sporty Chevrolet vegetable
Coward (n): tough cattle
Coworker (n): someone who annoys cows
Cow-pat (n): an organic Frisbee
Cowslip (n): accident prone livestock
Crèche (n): posh collision
Cremate (v): to set fire to a friend
Crematorium (n): Roman coffee shop
Creosote (n): fence preservative that’s very welcome in Wales
Crepuscular (n): very strong pancakes
Cribbage (n): baby cabbage
Criminal (n): a Crimean urinal
Crocus (n): swearing corvid
Croissant (n): French ant in a bad mood
Crossbreeding (v): furious conception
Crostini (n): an angry toddler
Crotchety (n): effect of tight trousers
Crustacean (n): far eastern pie covering
Cuban (n): a prohibition on forming lines
Cul-de-sac (n): French for ‘castration’
Culpable (n): blameworthy bovine
Cupboard (n): to be bored with cups
Curable (n): to make a lot of pastrami
Curate (n): prescription charge
Curlicue (n): impractical snooker equipment
Current affairs (n): intimate dried fruit
Custodianship (n): large vessel for transporting custard
Custody (n): to be kept in custard by the police
Customer (n): the person buying custard
Cuticle (n): Canadian seal hunt
Cygnet (n): mesh used to capture young swans
Cymbal (n): Welsh logo
Cynical (n): sound made by a wild cynic

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2 thoughts on “Section A B C

  1. Hola! I’ve been reading your weblog for some time now and finally
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    Just wanted to say keep up the great work!

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