G

Gadgeteer (n): weeping due to hi-tech devices
Gaily (n): to be gay every day and not just at weekends
Gaiter (n): ankle protection from alligators
Galactic (n): space dwelling parasite
Galactose (n): protective cap for astronaut boots
Gale (n): strong wind caused by ale
Gallant (n): brave and courteous ant
Gallbladder (n): ladder used to scale gallbs
Galleon (n): ship small enough to sail on eight pints of water
Gallic (n): French for ‘phallic’
Gallop poll (n): survey on horseback
Galloping (n): warning bell for horses
Gallstone (n): an irksome rock
Galore (n): knowledge for posh girls
Gambit (v): to bet on dangerous dogs
Gambling (n): ostentatious casino jewellery
Gambol (v): what sheep do in a casino
Gamut (n): injured dog
Ganache (n): action of teeth on chocolate
Gangling (n): what ganglion do
Ganglion (n): a pride of big cats
Garbage (n): estimating the age of trash
Gargle (n): phonetically impeded gargoyle
Gargoyle (v): to gargle with oil
Garnet (n): used to catch gars
Garnish (n): slightly garn
Gaslight (n): low calorie gas
Gastric (n): igniting farts
Gastronome (n): small chef
Gastronomical (adj): humorous food
Gastronomical (n): space station cuisine
Gastropub (n): pub for snails and slugs
Gatekeeper (n): collector of gates
Gatepost (v): to mail a gate
Gaucherie (n): tactless patisserie
Gazetteer (n): gazelle index
Gazunder (n): only if it’s small enough
Gelatin (n): very wobbly tin
Gelatine (n): apparatus for cutting the heads off jelly babies
Genealogist (n): professional Genie lamp cleaner
Generalist (n): inventory of senior military officers
Generator (n): person who evaluates genes
Genius (n): very clever Genie
Genteel (n): male eel
Geranium (n): elderly uranium
Gerrymander (n): a salamander called Gerry
Gestapo (n): having tapas to stay over
Ghoulish (n): almost goulash
Ghurkha (n): single gherkin
Gibbous (n): more than half illuminated gibbon
Gifted (n): to give a bear as a present
Gigabit (v): to dance a little
Gigabyte (n): concert snacks
Gigaflop (v): to fall over when dancing
Gigahertz (n): when you’ve danced too much
Gigayear or gigaannum (n): unpopular musician
Giggle (n): small concert
Gigolo (n): a fee-male
Ginger (n): German brand of gin
Gingivitis (n): inflammation of ginger hair
Ginseng (v): singing after too much gin
Gladiator (n): combat with gladioli
Gloat (n): smug goat
Global (n): light emitting sphere
Global (n): luminous testicle
Globetrot (n): very large beetroot
Gloom (n): apprehensive groom
Glossary (n): shiny vocabulary
Glum (n): sad plum
Glutamate (n): being stuck to a friend
Gluten (n): container for adhesive
Goatee (n): a small goat
Goatherd (n): eavesdropping in the farmyard
Gobbledygook (n): language spoken by turkeys
Goblet (n): diminutive saliva
Goblet (n): small mouth
Goblin (v): to eat too quickly
Goodnight (n): the evil knight’s foe
Googly (n): mood when searching the internet
Gorgeous (n): stunning chasm
Goulash (v): to be whipped by a ghost
Grabble (n): brutal form of Scrabble
Grammar (n): someone to curb Grandpa’s language
Granary (n): warehouse to store grandmothers
Grandee (n): trainee grandparent
Grandiose (n): large French cigarettes
Grandiose (n): stockings for older people
Grandstanding (n): when no one will give their seat to a grandparent
Granulate (n): overdue grandmother
Graphic Tablet (n): headache relief for designers
Grapple (v): fruit wrestling
Grasping (n): small bell made of grass
Grasshopper (n): lawnmower cuttings collector
Grateful (n): storing too much in front of the fire
Gratin (n): metal container with breadcrumb or cheese topping
Gratis (n): insect similar to a mantis, but free
Gratitude (n): overcooked gratin
Gravadlax (n): Swedish laxative
Grave (n): fast-paced electronic music event for older people
Grave (n): really bad gravy
Graven (n): dead raven
Gravitas (n): Roman gravy
Gravitate (n): gravy museum and art gallery
Gravy (n): fleet of naval vessels painted grey
Greaseproof (n): someone impervious to American musicals set in the 1950s
Green fingered (n): algal infection
Greenfly (n): eco-friendly insect
Greengage (n): recyclable engagement
Greenskeeper (n): person responsible for the lettuce
Grenada (n): small grenade
Gripe (n): Australian vine fruit
Groovy (n): very fashionable gravy
Gross Domestic Product (n): landfill
Ground pepper (n): effect of gravity on a condiment
Groundhog (n): minced pork
Grovel (n): very small hovel
Growing pains (n): reluctant gardener
Growl (n): owl with a sore throat
Grubstake (n): unpopular sirloin substitute
Grudge (n): resentful sharing of fudge
Gruesome (n): enthusiastic gardener
Gruntled (n): when a piglet gets its voice
Guacamole (n): Mexican burrowing mammal
Guarantee (n): foolproof golfing tool
Gulag (n): sticky insulation for water pipes
Gulf (n): upper class golf
Gullible (n): tendency to trust large seabirds
Gumbo (n): to be startled by chewing gum
Gumption (n): common sense use of chewing gum
Gunrunning (v): like running with scissors; not advisable
Gurney (n): person who gurns
Gutless (n): consequence of a cutlass
Gutted (n): a toy bear’s stomach
Guttural (n): tabloid cultural supplement
Guyrope (n): string for men
Gymnasium (n): Latin for ‘athletic nose’
Gymslip (v): to exercise clumsily
Gyromagnetic (n): metal attracting kebab (USA)
Gyroscope (n): instrument for viewing kebabs (USA)

H

Habitual (n): to regularly wear monks clothes
Habituate (v): to eat a monk’s clothing
Haemorrhoid (n): uncomfortable asteroid
Haggard (n): witch protector
Haiku (n): a very short but poetic sneeze
Hairdressers (n): somewhere to curl up and dye
Halloween (n): sausage greeting
Hamlet (n): small Shakespearian actor
Hamlet (n): young pig
Handkerchief (n): cold storage
Hangover (n): large gut
Hardship (n): replacement for old wooden vessels
Hassle (contr): Spanish contraction of ‘Hasta la vista baby’
Hassle (v): to irritate or annoy haslet (Lincolnshire pork and herb meatloaf)
Hatred (n): Father Christmas’s headwear
Haute couture (n): custom-fitted kitchen
Haute cuisine (n): French term for croissants that are too hot to eat
Headbanger (n): Woodpecker
Hearse (v): opposite of rehearse
Heathen (n): how to cook a chicken
Hedgehog (n): person who rejects equitable hedge distribution
Hegemony (n): cash from hedge funds
Heighten (n): a high five with both hands
Heirloom (n): old device passed down the generations for weaving chest wigs
Hence (n): sensible chicken
Henceforth (n): fourth placed chicken
Hermaphroditism (n): an end in itself
Hermit (n): woman’s glove
Herpes (n): a woman’s petit pois
Highlight (n): street lamp
Hindsight (n): effect of hotpants
Hippies (n): the IN pies
Hispanic (n): fear of snakes
History (n): noise made at Conservative MPs
Homoeopath (n): same sex walkway
Homogeneous (n): consistently gay
Honest (n): where bees keep their honey
Hooligan (n): a polygon with curved sides
Hors de combat (n): military brothel
Horseradish (n): not very radical horse
Hospice (n): equine urine
Hospital (n): equine saliva
Hula hoop (n): a waist of time
Humdinger (n): microwave
Humdrum (n): boring percussion
Hummus (n): wordless a cappella
Hunky-dory (n): muscular fish
Hydraulics (n): testicular concealment
Hyperbole (n): container for larger-than-life cereal
Hyperbolic (n): incredibly large testicles
Hyperlinks (n): very fast golf course
Hyperspace (n): where you park at a hyperstore
Hypoallergenic (n): being allergic to hypodermics
Hypotenuse (n): hippopotamus news channel

I

Icicle (n): internet bike
Identity (n): recognisable breasts
Idiom (n): idiotic mantra
Idiomatic (n): mechanical fool
Igloo (n): adhesive for igs
Ignominious (n): Latin for ‘small idiot’
Ignorant (n): to disregard an ant
Illegal (n): a sick bird of prey
Illness (n): a sick Scottish loch monster
Impale (n): beer sold to elves and pixies
Impart (n): paintings by fairy creatures
Impeccable (n): to protect from woodpeckers
Implementation (v): to utilize an imp
Implies (n): deceitful fairy creature
Impolite (n): slimming club for goblins
Important (n): buying ants from abroad
Imported (n): VIP bear
Importune (v): to download music
Impotent (n): very powerful imp
Improper (v): to tie up or lasso fairy creatures
In loco parentis (n): having a parent who drives trains
Inactivate (v): dieting
Incandescent (n): bobsleigh team
Incapable (n): wearing a cape
Incarnate (n): eating a meal in an automobile
Incinerator (n): person who implies
Incongruous (n): where US laws are made
Incontinence (n): to run out of continents
Incontrovertible (n): broken convertible
Incubator (n): apparatus used to hatch ink
Incumbent (n): misshapen cucumber
Indigo (n): then out they come
Indistinct (n): faint smell
Individualist (n): just one list
Ineptitude (n): unable to chew properly
Infantile (n): nursery floor surface
Infantry (n): a sapling
Inferno (n): to assume a negative
Inferred (n): light waves just beyond the visible spectrum
Infidel (n): very large glade
Inflation (n): cuts money in half without damaging the paper
Information (n): how geese fly
Inkling (n): young pen
Innate (n): opposite of ‘takeaway’ or ‘to go’
Innuendo (n): Italian haemorrhoid cream
Inscrutable (n): enigmatic table
Insolent (n): dropped from the Isle of Wight ferry
Inspector (n): pub ghost
Inspire (v): to climb a church tower
Instagram (n): dried grandmother – just add water
Instigator (n): dried alligator (just add water)
Integrated (n): mixing two types of cheese
Integrity (n): to have gritty teeth
Intent (n): not going out while camping
Intermittent (n): between mittens
Intermittent (n): where you put your hands when they’re cold
Interpret (n): between pretzels
Interrogate (n): to examine the entrance
Intestate (n): post castration
Intransigent (n): a man in a van
Intravenous (n): within the orbit of the planet Venus
Invest (n): not wearing a shirt
Investigator (n): alligator in a vest
Invoice (n): an effective choir
Irate (n): optician charges
Ironic (n): hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia
Irony (n): creased clothing
Irony (n): opposite of wrinkly
Isobar (n): international standard drinking establishment
Isolate (n): delayed ice delivery
Italian (n): to write Ian in italics