M

Majesty (n): Marjory’s cuppa
Manatee (n): ready to play golf
Manoeuvring (v): guy using a vacuum cleaner
Marginalised (n): sandwiches spread with margarine
Matador (n): where a bullfighter wipes his feet
Menopause (n): lunch break for builders
Miming (n): a personal Chinese pottery collection
Misanthrope (n): someone who hates rope
Misgiving (n): unmarried philanthropist
Misspeak (n): to climb a mountain, but never reach the top
Monogamy (n): video game without stereo sound
Mosquito (n): Muslim place of worship in Mexico
Mozart (n): paintings of mosquitoes
Mythology (n): not your thology
Macadamia (n): college for Apple technicians
Magnificent (n): to enlarge a small US coin
Maintain (n): posh mountain
Majestic (n): royal glue stick
Mammalian (n): female extraterrestrial
Maritime (n): wedding day
Marriage (n): carriage for newlyweds
Marrow (n): not as aerodynamic as an arrow
Matricide (n): death by mattress
Matrix (n): one month late April Fool jokes
Maximum (n): huge mother
Mayoral (n): talking about spring
Mechanical (n): maniacal mechanism
Melancholy (n): despondent cantaloupes
Melancholy (n): fruit/vegetable hybrid
Ménage à trios (n): French term for eating three croissants
Menagerie (n): male budgerigar
Mentally (n): total number of males
Message (n): growing old disgracefully
Metabolic (n): testicular metadata
Metabolics (n): hypothetical testicles
Metallic (n): tougher than a smart alec
Metronome (n): city dwelling elf
Miasma (n): feline asthma
Microfiche (n): very small fish
Micronesia (n): small knees (medical condition)
Microwave (n): very calm sea
Microwave (n): what I taught my pet crow to do
Millennium (n): incalculable number of hats
Millions (n): a rather large pride of lions
Minimal (n): small animal
Minimum (n): tiny mother
Minister (v): pathetic attempt to mix sugar in tea
Mirage (n): fury over reflected wrinkles
Mischief (n): female tribal leader
Misjudge (n): female magistrate
Missionary (n): Iona Ry is not married
Missive (n): one size below massive
Mistletoe (n): to stub your foot in fog
Mistrust (n): corrosion caused by fog
Module (n): sectional hi-tech mule
Moisturise (n): effect of tears
Molecule (n): infant mole
Molestation (n): where moles catch the train
Monastic (n): fantastic, but without stereo
Monkey (n): used to unlock monasteries
Monogamy (n): hardwood tree with only one spouse
Monologue (n): only one piece of lumber
Monsoon (n): late Sunday evening
Montage (n): a mosaic of Mondays
Morass (n): consequence of mini-skirts
Morbid (n): eBay success
Mosquito (n): an insect that improves your opinion of flies
Moussaka (n): mouse recipe
Muddle (n): old puddle
Multifaceted (n): toy bear with detachable heads
Mumble (n): transgender cow
Mumbling (n): maternal jewellery
Munchkin (n): familial cannibalism
Mushroom (n): place to keep huskies
Music (n): the sound of an ailing cat
Mutilate (n): belated disfigurement
Mynah bird (n): a canary/mole hybrid
Myrrh (n): cat with blocked sinuses
Myth (n): female moth

N

Naissant (n): posh but nice ant
Namby-pamby (n): common misspelling of Andy Pandy
Name-dropping (v): clumsy minister at a Christening ceremony
Nanobot (n): small mechanical grandmother
Nanometre (n): device for measuring grandmothers
Nanotechnology (n): equipment for making small mechanical grandmothers
Nantucket (n): kleptomaniac grandmother
Napalm (n): flammable hand
Napkin (n): sleeping relative
Napoleon (n): French for linoleum
Narcosis (v): to irritate your sister
Narrate (v): to talk about your food while eating it
Narrow (n): very thin arrow
Nascent (n): not wearing perfume
Nationwide (n): overweight country
Nautical (v): inappropriate tickling
Navigator (n): alligator with a good sense of direction
Navigator (n): reptilian Sat Nav
Neckerchief (n): leader of the Neckers
Needlessly (n): without needles
Negligent (n): negligee for men
Nemesis (n): avenging sister
Neptune (n): music from Nepal
Networking (n): fishermen
Neurons (n): replacements for old Rons
Neuropath (n): pristine pavement or sidewalk
Neurosis (n): to replace old roses
Newlywed (n): county in Wales
Newscaster (n): someone who throws old newspapers away
Newt (n): family nickname for Sir Isaac Newton
Niblick (n): fondness for ink
Nightingale (n): pre-dawn wind
Nightwatch (n): luminous timepiece
Nimbus (n): agile means of transport
Nitrate (n): what you pay a taxi after dark
Nitrates (n): better value than day rates
Nobel prize (n): door knocker competition
Noblesse (n): eunuch
Nobody (n): skeleton
Node (n): past tense of ‘to know’
Nodule (n): very small nod
Noisette (n): tiny sound
Nom de plume (v): eating feathers
Nominal (n): not as delicious as ‘nom nom’
Nominee (n): person using the term ‘nom nom’
Nonagon (n): explaining for the ninth time that you are still here
Noncombatant (n): civilian ant
Nonconformist (n): stubborn fog
Noncustodial (n): a pudding without custard
Nondescript (n): lacking a Twitter biography
Nonplussed (n): food with no additives
Non-sequiturs (n): not to be used for pruning
Nonstarter (n): main course or dessert
Nonstick (n): not from a tree or bush
Nordic (n): Scandinavian for penis
Normalise (n): commonly brown or blue
Normalise (n): not needing spectacles
Norway (n): yes, way
Nosebag (n): container for transporting noses
Nosegay (n): same sex nostrils
Nostalgia (n): a continuous pain in the nose
Nostalgia (n): sentimental country in Eastern Europe
Nostrum (v): to pluck a nose
Notary (n): immobile rotary
Noted: (n): lost bear
Nottingham (n): tying bacon
Notwithstanding (v): to fall out with someone at a bus stop
Nouveau (n): French for fresh water
Nouveau riche (n): French for expensive fresh water
Novelette (n): hungry enough to eat a small book
Novelty (n): small book
Novelty (n): tea made from books
Nowt (n): extinct newt
Nuance (n): infant ants
Nuance (n): similar to new uncles
Nuance (n): similar to new uncles
Nuclear (n): better than the old cloudy version
Nucleotides (n): the sea at Fukushima
Nudity (n): recently written song
Numerical (n): fresh from America
Nurofen (n): new wetland in East Anglia
Nursing (n): hospital choir
Nutrition (n): more recent and nourishing than attrition

O

Obituary (n): to fall from orbit
Obligate (n): exit door from an obli
Obliging (v): to exit an obli via an obligate
Oblique (v): to lick an object
Obscene (n): nude Plasticine figures
Obsequious (n): an oval sequin
Observatory (v): to watch a Conservative
Obsolete (n): outdated athlete
Obtainable (n): to acquire a bull
Occupants (n): inhabited trousers
Octagon (n): missing octopus
Octogenarian (n): elderly octopus
Octopod (n): music player for octopuses
Oddball (n): unequal testicles
Odium (n): unpleasant cinema
Odoriferous (n): malodorous conifer
Odoriferous (n): smelly iron
Offended (n): circumcised
Offensive (n): odious colander
Offhand (n): unused glove
Office (n): to develop a dislike of ice
Officiate (n): person who eats offal
Offshoot (v): to miss
Olfactory (n): haggis maker
Omelette (n): very small yogic chant
Ominous (n): very large omnibus
Omit (n): Irish glove
Omnibus (n): Buddhist transport
Omniscience (n): the technology behind the omnibus
Omnivore (n): animal that eats buses
Onboard (n): successful surfer
Oncology (n): the study of geese
One-liner (n): small cruise company
One-sided (n): unstable geometry
One-stop (n): very short bus route
Onomastics (n): a type of mastic or adhesive for joining or sealing onomatopoeic words
Onomatopoeia (n): sound made by a tomato
Opacity (n): dense conurbation
Opalescent (n): shimmering perfume
Opera (n): diminutive operation
Operable (n): can become an opera
Operatic (n): flamboyant musical loft
Opinion (n): onion with attitude
Opossum (n): Irish possum
Opportune (n): well-timed melody
Optimist (n): idealistic haze
Optimum (n): positive mother
Orangeade (n): first aid for citrus fruit
Orchid (n): a young Orc
Oregano (n): denial of origami
Organiser (n): obsessive interest in organs
Organisms (n): pipe organ doctrines
Orgasm (n): sexual climax while playing the organ
Orientate (n): far eastern art gallery
Orifice (n): a hole created in an office
Ornamental (n): obsessed with ornaments
Ornithopter (n): hovering ornament
Orthodox (n): traditional doctors
Osmosis (n): early Australian prophet
Osprey (n): result of opening a warm can of Fosters
Osteopath (n): correcting misaligned walkways
Ostracise (n): to exclude ostriches
Ostracised (n): to have your height and weight assessed by an ostrich
Otter (n): how Yorkshire folk like their baths in winter
Ottoman (n): half otter, half man
Oubliette (n): used serviette
Ouija (n): ‘yes’ in the language spoken on the French/German border
Ourselves (n): not your elves
Out of bounds (n): untied
Outage (n): to admit how old you are
Outdated (n): an old calendar
Outlandish (n): bizarre crockery
Outlay (n): camping
Outsource (n): to use someone else’s ketchup
Outspoken (n): bicycle wheel damage
Outstanding (n): scarecrow
Overbearing (n): large family
Overbearing (n): too many bears
Overblown (n): the three little pig’s house
Overcast (n): to hire more actors than required
Overdrawn (n): too much pencil
Overexpose (n): faulty zipper
Overseas (n): hovercraft
Oversight (v): to peer over glasses
Oxygen (n): plural of ox
Oxymoron (n): person who doesn’t believe in breathing
Ozone (n): the area between ‘N’ and ‘P’