S

Sadistic (n): callous insect
Sagaciously (n): wise use of the herb sage
Sarcasm (n): sardonic gorge
Scabbard (n): not very easy to pick
Scandal (n): disgraceful footwear
Scarlet (n): small red car
Scherzo (n): swift-moving Italian sausage
Scholastic (n): the elastic in student underwear
Schrödinger (n): a cat with either eight or nine lives
Scintillate (n): night time naughtiness
Scowl (n): gurning bird of prey
Script (n): writing on a tomb
Scurry (n): Indian fast food
Sea Lion (n): beach predator
Secret (n): something to tell one person at a time
Secretive (n): furtive secretary
Seduction (v): the art of genital persuasion
Seeking (n): Neptune
Seizure (n): Roman Emperor
Selfish (n): piscatorial selfie
Semi comatose (n): very numb toes on one foot only
Semiconductor (n): only conducts part of the orchestra
Sequentially (n): placing sequins one after another
Sequiturs (n): used for pruning
Shakespeare (v): javelin technique
Shambolic (n): fake testicle
Shampoo (n): fake excrement
Shed-a-tear (v): distressed in your garden shed
Shekel (n): a female heckler
Shellfish (n): a bit like a shelf
Shih-Tzu (n): zoo with no animals
Shin (n): device for finding objects in the dark
Shirt (n): suffering pain in silence
Shrivel (n): emaciated drivel
Sicken (n): unhealthy chicken
Silicone (n): not a sensible cone
Sincere (n): earnest transgression
Skeleton (n): bones with the person removed
Skillet (n): a slight ability
Sleep (v): something people without Twitter do
Slight (n): tiny lamp
Sluggish (n): snail without its shell
Smarmy (n): coated in marmalade
Smelt (v): to defrost with the nose
Smirk (n): sneering Star Trek Captain
Smoking (n): ruler of social media optimisation
Smother (n): very large mother
Snow (n): one of over 48 words for ‘Eskimo’
Soar (n): discomfort from rowing
Socialist (n): directory of partygoers
Sociopath (n): the route to Twitter
Socket (v): to chew footwear
Socrates (n): the price of socks
Soporific (n): frighteningly damp
Souvenir (n): coating applied to Susan
Sparrow (n): closely spaced mini supermarkets; predominantly European
Sparrow (n): Dutch word for a line of fir trees
Sparrow (v): argument in a mini supermarket
Spate (v): to expel pâté by spitting
Spectacle (n): focused icicle
Speculate (n): belated glasses
Speedometer (n): used to measure swimming trunks
Spellbound (n): Merlin’s book
Spellchecker (n): iPhone app for witches
Spoonerism (n): roonerspism
Squalid (n): four sided cover
Squalid (n): Native American woman’s headgear
Squalor (n): filthy scholar
Stagecoach (n): drama teacher
Stakeholder (n): picking up meat
Stalemate (n): musty friend
Stalwart (n): medication to delay the onset of warts
Stampede (n): a postage stamp with feet
Starbucks (n): star-shaped dollar bills
Starling (n): diminutive actor
Stepfather (n): using your dad as a step
Stereotype (v): using both hands on a QWERTY keyboard
Stereotypical (n): standard music player
Stevedore (n): to really like Steve
Stewardship (n): unusual name for a ship
Stifado (n): Greek word for an erection
Stigmata (n): Italian word meaning damaged tomato
Stink (n): scented ink
Stirrup (v): to dissolve a spoonful of sugar
Stoat (n): what they call Guinness in Newcastle
Strain (n): tense rain
Strategy (n): stratospheric egg
Strumpet (n): musical crumpet
Stubble (v): to trip over a blocked nose
Subdue (n): waiting for food at Subway
Subjugate (n): conquered by submarine
Sublime (n): inferior citrus fruit
Sublime (n): underwater citrus
Submit (n): glove worn under mittens
Submitted (n): submarine with mittens
Subordinate (v): to eat an ordinary submarine
Subpoena (n): something found under a peony
Subscribe (n): submarine sign writer
Substitute (n): replacement submarine
Subwoofer (n): underdog
Succinct (n): not the best way to clean a sink
Suffragette (n): air sickness
Suffragette (n): very uncomfortable flight
Sugar (n): misspelling of shuga
Summary (n): weather in Britain between spring and autumn
Sundry (n): no rain on Sunday
Superficial (n): insincere fish
Superficial (n): to be responsible for soup
Superior (n): best soup
Supersonic (n): very fast soup
Supple (n): flexible soup
Support (n): drinking fortified wine
Supported (n): a bear on welfare
Swearing (v): to curse in a circle
Sweet (n): a sugary tweet
Sycophant (n): poorly elephant
Symbol (n): cymbal spellchecker fail
Sympathy (n): imitation empathy
Symphony (n): replica telephony
Synchronicity (n): depraved time piece
Syndrome (n): naughty airfield
Synonym (n): contraction of sinful nymphomaniac
Synonymous (n): almost identical to a mouse
Systematic (n): an automatic nun

T

Tabard (v): violent use of the TAB key
Tablet (n): rentable flap
Tachycardia (n): distasteful cardigan
Tactic (n): dyslexic clock
Tactical (v): making a tack giggle
Tactile (n): when you don’t want to glue tiles
Tangent (n): sun worshiper
Tangential (n): genital tanning lotion
Tangle (n): distorted sunburn
Tantalise (n): to get spray tan in your eyes
Tantrum (n): rage due to sunburn
Tapas (n): Spanish for molestation
Tapenade (v): drumming your fingers
Tarpon (n): waterproofed tampon
Tart (n): small promiscuous pastry
Tautological (n): intelligent tortoise
Taxidermy (n): skin complaint of cab drivers
Teacher (n): someone to demonstrate tea making
Tease (v): to offer a cup of tea and not provide it
Telepathy (n): inept television
Telepathy (n): lethargic phone call
Temperate (n): to swallow your anger
Tendon (n): the one completed before task number eleven
Tennis (n): one more than nine is
Tepee (v): to urinate after a hot drink
Terminate (n): food for termites
Terrapin (n): frightening broach
Terrapin (n): one thousand billion personal identification numbers
Terrorise (n): wide eyed
Terrorist (n): wrist phobia
Teutonic (n): requires more gin
Therefore (n): the age of a child before they’re five
Thesaurus (n): extinct dictionary
Thing (n): small bell with a lisp
Thinking (n): not Henry VIII
Thinnest (n): low cost housing for birds
Thorax (n): Thor’s weapon of choice
Throne (n): past tense of throw
Thrown (n): Royal catapult
Thrust (n): forceful oxidation
Ticket (n): small tick
Ticklish (n): somewhat like a tick
TicTac (n): cunning plan by a mint
Tiddlywinks (n): drunk flirting
Tinkle (n): metal ankle
Tirade (n): carbonated beverage by Goodyear
Tirade (v): to pilfer ties
Tissues (n): Yorkshire issues
Titillate (n): overdue breast
Toboggan (n): winter transportation for tobacco
Toilet roll (n): unstable lavatory
Toilet roll (n): water closet gymnastics
Tomatoes (n): discolouration of the feet
Tomorrow (n): one of today’s labour saving devices
Toothache (n): pain that drives you to extraction
Topical (n): the first pickle out of the jar
Tortuous (n): a convoluted tortoise
Tortuous (n): as slow as a tortoise
Toupee (v): act of buying a wig
Tourniquet (n): like croquet, but tighter
Tramp (n): homeless tram
Transcend (n): when a hypnotist snaps their fingers
Transcribe (n): writing on public transport
Transvestite (n): close fitting multi-gender undergarment
Trapeze (n): stopping a sneeze
Treason (n): season when trees grow
Tremendous (n): a very large tree
Trenchant (n): ant digging a ditch
Trenchant (n): ant in a ditch
Triage (n): how to tell the age of a tree
Trifle (n): three barrelled rifle
Trigonometry (n): three-way gnome
Truant (n): a mother’s real sister
Truncate (n): consumed by an elephant
Trusting (n): having a wasp in your surgical support
Tryst (n): rendezvous with a cyst
Tuber (n): London Underground customer
Tuber (n): tuba player
Tulip (n): more than one lip
Tulips (n): better than one lip
Tumble (n): when a matador is gored in the stomach
Tumbling (n): navel jewellery
Tune (n): singular form of Tuna
Turbulent (n): to borrow a turbot
Turmoil (n): lubricant extracted from Turms
Turnip (n): biting root vegetable
Twain (n): wuns on a wailway line
Twirly (n): before the allotted time
Twittering (v): internet age word for frittering
Typhoon (n): very windy neckwear
Tyrant (n): angry neckwear outburst

U

Ultimate (n): definitive life partner
Umber (n): a short number
Umbrage (n): umbrella fury
Unanimous (n): undisputed winner of a moustache competition
Undercapitalise (n): infrequent use of initial upper-case letters
Underpants (n): breathing too shallowly
Unencumbered (n): without cucumbers
Unicorn (n): a single corn
Uninformed (v): to take off a uniform
Uninhibited (n): not able to hibernate
Unison (n): child of unisex
Unit (n): what you do with wool
Universe (n): very short poem
Unorganised (n): to have all your organs removed
Unparalleled (n): really bad railway line
Unprecedented (n): impeachment
Unsuited (n): casual dress code
Unsung-hero (n): a tone deaf veteran
Urdu (n): northern English shampoo and set
Uruguay (n): or you’re a girl
Utter (n): verbose otter