A very small selection of some favourite Tweets.
Cigarettes are just like ferrets, perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and set it on fire…
Ah – the quiet and persistent genius: RT @MumblingNerd: I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous :^)
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy. #humor
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
RT @MumblingNerd Wear short sleeves and support your right to bare arms! :^) << Groan!! Now that’s a 2nd amendment everyone can live with :)
2 Eskimos in kayak were cold. They lit fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it
My wife says I never listen to her….or something like that.
RT @MumblingNerd: I’ve been thinking about Tweeting to someone in jail, but the sentence was too long :^)
@PembDave There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary & those who don’t.
Why don’t people google things? Some of my smartest friends send me emails asking me shit when googling it would yeild faster answers.
“A mule kicked Uncle Bob once. Broke his ribs. He punched it in the face.. My point? You have an ingrown fucking toenail. Stop bitching.”
“I hate paying bills… Son, don’t say “me too.” I didn’t say that looking to relate to you. I said it instead of “go away.”
“The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain’t like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain’t spitting it out.”
rt Duhism Master @MumblingNerd: I bought a new jersey in Newark, Nottinghamshire, but now it’s in such a state I only wear it in the garden
“I turn the kitchen faucet on and the shower burns you, yes, I get it…No, I’m not gonna stop, I’m just saying yes, I get that concept.”
I have C.D.O. It’s like O.C.D. but all the letters are in alphabetical order as they should be
RT @MumblingNerd: Read Tweet. Right wheat, rate trait, right to eat, raid treat; right sweet! Ride tight, right trite… retreat. Re Tweet.
@indykitty I had a flat in Nottingham in the hilly bit, before that I had a flat in the flat bit, now I’m in the hilly bit without a flat
As soon as you make something idiot-proof, along comes a bigger idiot.
Two rules to live by: First, look out for #1. Second, don’t step in #2.
Found a woollen jumper by the bus stop this morning; perhaps a driver had to pullover :^)
New strangest tweet of the day~ @MumblingNerd ~ To wear is you man, two four give deep vine.~
Cool Twitter name of the day: @MumblingNerd #fb Yay!
says take life one day at a time, but take doughnuts two at a time.
Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be.
@A_McLordy Pope says atheists pick & choose their morals. Correct. Today I will be frowning on child abuse & not having a problem with homosexuality.
RT @ MumblingNerd Friar Tuck doesn’t like spoonerisms. Heheheh…
Men are always whining about how women suffocate them. Well, if you can still hear them whine, you’re not holding the pillow hard enough!
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