Something I Tweeted recently reminded me of the elephant jokes that were popular in the 1960s:
How many elephants can you get in a Mini?
Four; two in the front and two in the back.
How many giraffes can you get in a Mini?
None; it’s already full of elephants.
How do you know if you have an elephant in your refrigerator?
There are footprints in the butter.
How do you know if there are two elephants in your refrigerator?
You can hear giggling when the light goes out.
How do you know if there are three elephants in your refrigerator?
You can’t close the door.
How do you know if there are four elephants in your refrigerator?
There’s an empty Mini parked outside.
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
To hide in cherry trees.
How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
Stand it on a leaf and wait until autumn.
How do you get down from an elephant?
You don’t, you get down from a duck.
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Five o’clock. Trick question
Why is an elephant big, grey and wrinkly?
Because if it was small, white and hard it would be an aspirin.
Why are elephants grey?
So you can tell them apart from plums.
How do you make an elephant float?
Two scoops of ice cream, an elephant and lemonade.
Why do elephants have Big Ears?
Because Noddy won’t pay the ransom.
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
You take away its credit card.
Actually, this is a new one on me; I didn’t come across credit cards until my first Access card in 1973.
Why do elephants wear trainers?
To creep up on mice.
Why do elephants wear green trainers?
To hide in the tall grass.
Why do elephants wear red trainers?
Because their green ones are in the laundry.
Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
So they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.
What’s yellow and dangerous?
Shark infested custard.
Oh, sorry, gone off message a bit.
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