What is the fibula? – A small lie

I’ve seen these questions and answers posted in various places, the questions were apparently set in GCSE examinations in England.

The answers are (supposedly) actual answers from 16 year olds, worrying if true, but hilarious, and worth repeating:

Q  Name the four seasons
Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q  Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q  How is dew formed
The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q  What causes the tides in the oceans
The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q  What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q  In a democratic society, how important are elections
Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q  What are steroids
Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q  What happens to your body as you age
When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q  What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q  Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
Premature death

Q  What is artificial insemination
When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q  How can you delay milk turning sour
Keep it in the cow

Q  How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U

Q  What is the fibula?
A small lie

Q  What does ‘varicose’ mean?

Q  What is the most common form of birth control
Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q  Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q  What is a seizure?
A Roman Emperor

Q  What is a terminal illness
When you are sick at the airport

Q  Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q  Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
Hands that judicious can be soft as your face

Q  What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q  What is a turbine?
Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head



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Puns and word-play



About MumblingNerd
Love, equality and tolerance, not hate. Humour, puns, cats and Nottingham, also a chocolate 'tester' and social media botherer. I’m Roy Manterfield by the way, or MumblingNerd online. I live in Nottingham in the UK and I post inane comments on social media.

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