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Even shorter jokes

Time flies like an arrowBroken pencils are pointless.

I read magazines periodically.

Clones are people two.

Geese grow up and grow down at the same time.

The writing is on the wall for graffiti.

River valleys are gorgeous.

I’m itching to visit a Flea Market.

What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Drilling holes for water is well boring.

I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

After M and T my diary says WTF.

Who invented fractions? Henry the 1/8th

Queen bees often come out in hives.

I’ve sold my homing pigeon eight times on eBay.

Sparkling water is still water.

Spoonerists are teople poo.

There are many misconceptions about pregnancy.

Whales are weighed at a whale weigh station.

William Tell’s son was the apple of his eye.

People say love is blind, but I can’t see it myself.

Being castrated is a eunuch experience.

Amputations cost an arm and a leg.

Bee stings are in the hand of the bee holder.

I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

Do hotel managers get board with their jobs?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Root canal work is deeply unnerving.

If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.

Why was the broom late? It overswept.

Which cheese is made backwards? Edam.

How do you get Holy Water? Boil the hell out of it.

Milliners get angry at the drop of a hat.

Noah kept bees in the ark hives.

My bucket isn’t very well; it’s a little pail.

Polite children take after their parents.

Pouring from teapots is a strain.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

Fatigues are tired uniforms.

I have a yen to visit Tokyo.

Consciousness; that annoying time between naps.

Subservient fish know their plaice.

What’s green and runs around the garden? A hedge.

Genetic scientists wear eau de clone.

When chemists die, they barium.

Electrons have mass, therefore they are Catholic.

What’s red and invisible? No tomatoes.

I’ve found a hole in my sock; darn it!

Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?

My ventriloquist’s dummy is already spoken for.

Aesop was famous for his foibles.

Walking on hot coals is no mean feet.

Apparently the Dalai Lama is not actually a Llama.

If you sit on a pumpkin, does it become a squash?

If a clock’s hungry it goes back four seconds.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Hermaphroditism is an end in itself.

Business is looking up for astronomers.

French philosophers vie for the meaning of life.

The French version of ‘Cats’ is a chat show.

I’m so thirsty I could drink Canada Dry.

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace prize.

I’m a big fan of wind turbines.

What’s another word for thesaurus?

Idioms are for the birds.

What’s the speed of dark?

A procrastinator’s work is never done.

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

I avoid clichés like the plague.

What’s another word for synonym?

I don’t remember being absent minded.

Homonyms are a reel waist of thyme.

Hyperbole is the BEST THING EVER!

An unemployed jester is nobody’s fool.

What do quantum whales eat? Planckton.

The Mexican train killer had locomotives.

A knighthood would be quite a sir prize.

Whenever I see a broken lift I tend to stair.

Hunting wild pigs is boaring.

Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.

Lif is too short.

Turning vegan was a big missed steak.

Cuddling a cat gives you a good feline.

A good artist knows where to draw the line.

I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.

Sign language is handy.

Tea is for mugs.

PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.

I am sick and tried of auto correct jokes.

Cannibals like to meat people.

I can’t stand sitting.

I tried to catch some fog, but mist.

Life as a yo-yo has its ups and downs.

I just ate a frozen apple. Hardcore.

A backwards poet writes inverse.

What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.

I don’t make predictions, and I never will.

How do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

A good pun is its own reword.


 

 

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For other stuff in this blog, click on these links:


Humour

Puns and word-play

Quotations



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About MumblingNerd
Love, equality and tolerance, not hate. Humour, puns, cats and Nottingham, also a chocolate 'tester' and social media botherer. I’m Roy Manterfield by the way, or MumblingNerd online. I live in Nottingham in the UK and I post inane comments on social media.

3 Responses to Even shorter jokes

  1. kalabalu says:

    You are the chocolate, that taste sweet bitterly, happy :))miserably

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