Blog Meme; It’s all about me me me


Well, it’s two me’s and without the space.

I copied this list/meme quite a while ago, but it’s just been sitting in a folder, relaxing, for months and I can’t remember where I copied it from now.

The intro text said: ”Create a new post, copy and paste this message, delete my answers and type in yours. Then tag 10 good friends and family including the person who tagged you. The theory is that you will learn one new thing about each of your friends.”

But, even though I’m very nosy, I mean interested, I don’t wish to intrude or impose on friends and family, so I’m just going to fill in my answers and leave it to anyone who might or might not be passing to read/complete/ignore as they/you see fit.

It’s not easy, well, its not easy in our affluent portion of this beautiful, flawed and unequal world, to choose just three things; how do you put a tripartite limit on an infinite and fascinating variety of food, drink, music and places to visit?

Anyway, I’ve learnt some things about myself; I like Fridays, chocolate and checking .

:^)

Three names I go by:

1. Roy (mostly)

2. MumblingNerd (online)

3. Dandy (but not for about 50 years)

Three jobs I have had:

1. Graphic Designer (now)

2. Corporate Design Co-ordinator

3. Publicity Assistant (Nottingham City Transport)

Three places I have lived:

1. Nottingham, UK (now)

2. Leeds, UK

3. Leicester, UK

Three TV shows that I watch:

1. QI (Quite Interesting)

2. Star Trek

3. South Park, Dr Who, Coronation Street, Big Bang Theory… (there are far too many to choose from)

Three favourite channels:

1. BBC1

2. BBC2

3. Comedy Central (UK)

Three places I want to go:

1. Melbourne, Australia

2. Singapore

3. Hong Kong

Three of my favourite foods:

1. Chocolate

2. Nuts

3. Fruit

Things I am looking forward to:

1. Friday (I don’t work on Fridays)

2. Holidays/travelling

3. Memory chip neural implants

Three favourite bands/singers:

1. Ian Dury and the Blockheads

2. Rolling Stones

3. Sinéad O’Connor

Three favourite sports to watch:

1. Tennis

2. Tennis

3. Tennis (I don’t really watch sport, apart from Wimbledon, and that’s Sue’s fault)

Three favourite drinks:

1. Water

2. Coffee

3. Red wine

Three favourite hang outs:

1. Home office/computer room

2. Nottingham city centre

3. New York

Three things you must do daily:

1. Check Twitter :^)

2. Feed Max the cat :^)

3. Shave :^(

Three ‘F’s:

1. Family

2. Food

3. Funny

3.1 Flippancy

3.2 Frogs

3.3 Fortitude

3.4 Flagellate

3.5 Formaldehyde

3.6 Frangipane

3.7 For crying out loud…

Meaningful Nonsense

How to enhance the impact of official correspondence.

Some years ago I came across this method of improving the impression made by adding apparently meaningful nonsense to memos and reports.



Modus operandi

Firstly, choose a number from 000 to 999.

Then, using that number, extract the corresponding word from each column:

Column 1

0  Integrated
1  Total
2  Systematised
3  Parallel
4  Functional
5  Responsive
6  Optional
7  Synchronised
8  Compatible
9  Balanced

Column 2

0  Management
1  Organisational
2  Monitored
3  Reciprocal
4  Digital
5  Logistical
6  Transitional
7  Incremental
8  Third-generation
9  Policy

Column 3

0  Options
1  Flexibility
2  Capability
3  Mobility
4  Programming
5  Concept
6  Time-phase
7  Projection
8  Hardware
9  Contingency

Finally, insert the resultant ‘phrase’ randomly into your communication.


Examples

025: Integrated Monitored Concept
571: Responsive Incremental Flexibility
666: Optional Transitional Time-phase



The list probably needs updating, perhaps a few words such as Sustainable, Capacity, Matrix and Software.

The method’s useless really, unless you actually do have no idea what you’re reading about, but it amused and entertained me, well, for a short while anyway.



Loathed Language List

Wicked widespread words which wound wisdom.

Except that doesn’t really make sense. So, a short list of loathed words, well, words I don’t like anyway:

Whilst
Whilst, to me, sounds pompous and outdated. I think it’s perfectly well replaced by while and should have gone the way of thee and thou when they were supplanted by you.

Mucus, phlegm and diarrhoea
Dislike of the word mucus has to be because of its association with illness and infection. Mucus is a naturally clear and runny substance, with lubricative and protective functions, but it gets its repugnant yellow/green condition from nasal and sinus mucus with bacterial or viral infection.

I also don’t like phlegm, but that’s because I can’t spell it without looking it up; the same goes for diarrhoea. Actually, to be fair to phlegm, if you strip away its meaning, the word itself is quite soft, gentle and almost cuddly.

Stakeholder
Stakeholder is slightly annoying because it has two opposing meanings, but it mainly makes me wince because of its overuse in national and local government announcements; we all seem to be stakeholders now.

I only want to be a stakeholder in a restaurant in the company of a medium rare fillet (I know, but I did say that I can’t spell).

Actually, there are a whole raft of redundant words and phrases used to pepper ill considered Council documents that also make me grimace. Thank goodness for the Plain English Campaign.

Perfectomondo
It’s just bloody annoying.

Chintz
I don’t really like the sound of the word, it’s too sharp and it conjures up a feeling of tasteless, ostentatious and old fashioned design.

Beatnik and gonk
Oh the 1960s (more or less, give or take a few years). There’s nothing wrong with beatniks as a group/breed/species, but the word just feels like a phony and fabricated media stereotype. And as for gonk, well, doesn’t it just sum up some of the vile tat produced and sold in that decade?

Fuddle
Aarghh! No. This is just too cringy. The word itself is too ‘nice’, it’s finicky, fastidious and fussy, before you even get into its meaning. Then it triggers flashbacks of squirmingly embarrassing office parties and colleague send-offs where people stand around in awkward groups, holding plastic cups of warm fizzy wine, not talking and wishing fervently that they were anywhere else. I don’t even want to think about it anymore.

Talking about stakeholder and redundant words and phrases has reminded me of a list I once found of meaningless words to insert into documents. I was going to include it here, but I think I’ve already gone on for too long. I’ll add it later, along the lines of; Meaningful nonsense, or how to enhance the impact of official correspondence.


Lastly:

My wife dislikes okey-dokey.

My sister cringes at the words crotch and gusset.

My daughter detests cordial, elderflower, thorough and frozen. I’m starting to think she’s just a bit strange though.




Imp proved spell cheque four ewe

Eye found this my newt rhyme year sago, butt cud knot ream ember wear from:


I have a special checker
It helps with watt eye right
Cheques the spelling and grandma
And sets my copy a-lite

Sew when yew cannot weight
To git yaw mess hedge threw
You’s the spelling chequer
It’s a curate, rely able and t’ woo



Then, when eye was urchin four it, eye disk covered this grate lea imp proved won:


Ode to My Spell Checker (awe thaw Hun own)

Eye have a spelling checker, it came with my pea sea
It plainly marks four my revue miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a quay and type a word and weight for it to say
Weather eye yam wrong oar write, it shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid it nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it I’m shore your pleased to no
Its letter perfect awl the way, my checker told me sew.


 

 

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Humour

Puns and word-play

Quotations



Deadly euphemisms

Having used the term ‘popped my clogs’ in a Tweet recently, it made me think about the amazing range of euphemisms there are for death and dying. So it’s given me an excuse to start making lists.

It seems that people have an aversion to using words like ‘death’ or ‘dying’ either in conversation or in written communication. Why is that? Does it make us think too honestly about our own mortality?

I would prefer to be dead later, rather than sooner, but whenever death comes it is inevitable.

What’s that quotation by Benjamin Franklin? “Of two things you can be certain; death and taxes”. There is no escape from death. Some people can cheat their way out of taxes, but no one, with or without faith, or with a cryonics plan, can avoid death.

I suppose that’s the reason behind the euphemisms; you can’t evade death, but you can avoid talking about it. Postpone acceptance of the inescapable.

Anyway, back to the list I was proposing to draw up:

Bitten the dust

Bought the farm

Breathed one’s last

Burned

Cashed in their chips

Croaked

Fallen off their perch

Given up the ghost

Gone off-line

Gone west

Kicked the bucket

Left for the rats

Met their maker

Passed away

Pegged it

Permanently out of print

Pining for the fjords (Monty Python!)

Popped their clogs

Pushing up daisies

Put out of their misery

Roasted

Seeing the reaper

Shuffled off this mortal coil

Six feet under

Sleeping the big sleep

Tits up

Toasted

Turned their toes up

TWEPed (‘terminated with extreme prejudice’; probably more of a youthemism)

That’s about the best I can do; I wonder how they compare to euphemisms for death in other languages? They must be as common; use of the euphemism seems to be a very human inclination.

It’s no good; I’m going to have to do a quick Google. Here you go, some from China:

Topple or overturn the chariot

Ride the crane and return to the West

Breathe ones last

Cut or sever breath

Throw or hurl oneself into a well

Right, I’m going off-line now, but I’m dead hopeful of returning to bring back to life another list.

Word finding difficulties

I regularly find it difficult to retrieve words to express thoughts and have always had problems remembering names and numbers.

It’s only in recent years that I’ve started to think about word finding difficulties and consider how it’s affected me. Thinking about it has made me realise that in some ways it’s had a fairly significant effect on some aspects of my life.

Moy's Garage (1954)
Moy's Garage (1954)

As a young child I was fairly slow learning to talk and I couldn’t pronounce some sounds very well, for example the letter ‘r’.  As a toddler I couldn’t say my name ‘Roy’. I pronounced it ‘Moy’; my father made a toy garage for me and put ‘MOYS GARAGE’ on the sign over the entrance.

Although I drew a lot, I was sluggish in learning to read; at around age eight I still didn’t read very well and was given some Janet and John books by the school to practice at home with.

I didn’t learn the times tables properly. At school I learnt the 2, 5 and 10 times tables and a bit later the 12 (because of pounds, shillings and pence) and I could sometimes work some of the others out by adding up as I went along.

I don’t like writing, my handwriting is hard to read and I’ve always found it tricky to remember what to capitalise and punctuate. For some years in my 20s I wrote everything out in CAPS, even my name; my bank eventually refused to accept my signature until I stopped using capital letters.

Dodgy spelling (1958)

My spelling has always been weak; I have to think very carefully all the time I’m writing by hand and there are many words that I still can’t spell, because I can’t think of a straightforward way of remembering how many letters there should be, or which order the letters go in. For example: across/accross, dificulty/difficulty, writing/writting, letter/leter, neighbour/nieghbor, metre/meter, confussed/confused, always/allways, recal/recall, scisors/scissors and in writing I tend to mix up short words such as ‘to’, ‘of’ and ‘or’.  I sometimes miss letters, especially vowels, out of words.  It’s only in my 50s that I’ve found a way of remembering which way round the ‘i’ and ‘e’ go in ‘their’.  Until my 40s I had problems remembering the difference between ‘their’ and ‘there’ and at school for example I was made to write out a hundred times the difference between ‘they’ and ‘thay’.

I have trouble in remembering times and dates; since my early teens I’ve always carried a diary and lists of things to remember, do or buy. Having my first PDA in 2002 was a huge improvement; everything is in one place and reminder alarms can be set for events of all kinds, brilliant!

I use a computer whenever I can, always with auto spelling and auto correction, which has been a huge boost to the speed and accuracy of my writing. As I type these notes the software is correcting the spelling as I go and changing the letter order of words like ‘and’ and ‘the’ when I transpose the letters.  Before computers I had to write copious notes with multiple corrections and a lot of Tippex and then use scissors and sellotape to put the sentences in the right order, then write the whole thing out again neatly enough for someone else to read.  This applied to essays and letters, and to writing greetings cards and postcards, where I still usually write out a few lines, correct them and then try to write neatly on the card.

I sometimes pause or struggle when trying to recall words or names, and often replace a word with something similar, to try and get my thought across, when I can’t use the word I’m having difficulty remembering.

I find it easier to comprehend what someone is saying if I can see them and I sometimes have difficulty taking phone messages or understanding what someone is explaining during the call.  I have to ask for spellings quite often over the phone and I can’t often remember the letters until it’s written out in full, so I have to ask the person to repeat the spelling until I have it all down on paper.

I only remember one or two oral instructions at most; so I usually have to make notes. I also find it hard to remember more than one or two food or drink orders, when I’m in a pub or restaurant, without writing them out.

The only car registration I can remember
The only car registration I can remember

I have problems remembering names and especially numbers.  I don’t remember my car registration number or any previous ones, apart from an old black Morris 8, series E that my father sold about 1963 which was DBC 357; I’ve no idea why I remember that.

I can’t remember any mobile phone numbers, including my own. The only numbers I can usually remember are my home phone and my main bank account, which has been the same for over thirty years.  I find it hard to remember door codes and usually remember in what order to press the buttons rather than the numbers.

There are lots of technological aids; I don’t often remember web addresses for example, so I use ‘delicious’ to store all of my favourite bookmarks in one place, then they are always available anywhere online.

Sometimes I can’t recall people’s names even if I’ve known them for decades; I know exactly who they are, why and where I know them from and everything about them, but I can’t recall their name.  The same regularly applies to celebrities on TV and people in the news.  Yet sometimes I can remember an actor’s real name but not their stage or character’s name.

I confuse the names of people with similar sounds; I think Alice but say Janis, or Yvette instead of Colette.

I have a huge number of the universal ‘tip of the tongue’ experiences, where I know something, especially a word or name, but can’t immediately recall it. I can quite often think of the first letter of the missing word and think of words related to it, but not bring up the actual word.

Occasionally I say a word that isn’t the one I intended to use (this needs elaboration, but I’m out of words for now).

I can’t read (or write) and listen to someone speak at the same time and if two people talk to me simultaneously my attention skips from one to the other and I fail to understand what either of them has said. However, that may be because I’m male and useless at multi-tasking!

I find it very hard to learn or remember stories, poems or song lyrics and I don’t remember many song or group names or tell jokes, but I do produce spoonerisms (occasionally inadvertently) and many puns in striving to recall the meaning or word that I want to use.

I’m very uncomfortable talking in a small group of people and can’t address a large group at all; I become speechless and silent and can neither think of anything to say nor remember what I meant to say. Very embarrassing.

My hearing has deteriorated slightly in recent years, particularly in my left ear, which had to be operated on in 2004 to stop the impairment getting worse, but it’s left me with poor hearing and occasional tinnitus in my left ear.

The hearing problem has made some of these word finding issues worse. I try to avoid talking to people where there is a lot of background noise, such as in pubs, social occasions and on buses, because I find it very hard to understand what is being said.  Separating speech sounds from background noise, such as a television, can be quite hard.

I’ve not had any sort of assessment, except when, as a toddler, my mother was concerned about my speech, hearing and concentration and asked our family doctor for advice. He conducted a short ‘whispering’ test from the opposite end of the room and said there was nothing to worry about.

In the last year or so, when I’ve started to think about the subject, I’ve done some research and, apart from very minor similarities to some aspects of autistic spectrum disorder (ASD), I’ve only found one website that has any correlation to any of my concerns (http://www.wordfinding.com/). Then more recently I came across the term ‘lethologica’ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lethologica) which may have some connection to the problem.

Assessment almost certainly isn’t necessary, as I don’t think the effect on my day to day life is that critical. Setting the issues out in black and white and attempting to describe it, as I’ve tried to do here, probably makes more of an issue of it than is warranted.

But I might change my mind.