Tag: asinine

A little initial letter alliteration

MumblingNerd, Puns and Word-play

I have a habit of playing around with alliteration, or something like it; mostly in less than 140 characters for Twitter of course. Probably pointless, but on the other hand it makes me smirk:


Atrocious alliteration alludes actual alternative action and, after assiduously able allocation, allegedly always acts appallingly.

Boston’s burgeoning business buildings busily beckon big bucks beneath bold bright boundless blue.

Fifty finely fraught flighty fellows from Frome fighting through the fort thought the fiery Friday freight was thoroughly frightful.

Forever fastidiously finding fashionable far-fetched fascinatingly frivolous facts for fervently frequent free farcical fun.

Four famous flighty folks flee fittingly from fermented forest florets foraging for fast feisty fromage faking faulty faucets.

Many monogamously married monotheistic mongooses make marvellously magnificent mahogany marionettes.

Most mid mornings many Maine motorists might move majestically; maybe meaning most match my main moaning mood?

Pecks previously pummelled past prior parallel periods patiently prepared; patently perhaps (probably?) partially prompting Peter Piper picking pickled pepper pecks?

Percent, per cent, purse sent, poor cent, pour cent, pour scent, paw scent, purr scent, percent.

Pluck Kate, pluck hate, placate, plaque eight, plaque ate, plaque hate.

Precisely! Poetic puns pose perfectly peculiar problems; perhaps particularly post peeling pernickety prickly pear pairs.

Pre pouring plausibly poor potpourri perpendicularly, paternal Pa’s pores probably proved perfectly pedicured, perhaps predictably.

Problematic philately produces portable philanthropic potato pestilence, probably propagating perfectly plausible practical pomegranates.

Read Tweet. Right wheat, rate trait, right to eat, raid treat; right sweet! Ride tight, right trite… retreat. Re Tweet.

Semantics; should speak several sentences, starting slowly, sauntering swifter, suddenly speedier; system seems successful.

Several saucily selected sources say she said she saw salty seasoning sauce successfully shaken.

Significantly stunning sunny spell suggests spring’s suddenly successfully sprung; certainly seems seasonally standard

Simultaneously selling several swimming sole shoals, skilled soldier Saul slowly shouldered sad sibling Sarah’s shabbily sewn shawl.

Stylish successful single swan swimming ceaselessly in successively smaller circles.

Taking their tray tied to two Thai trees, they too try three times to tread there, teetering through thin tattered tightly twisting trunks.

Tweet. To eat. Too eat. Two eat. Two wheat. Two ate. To wait. Two eight. To hate. Too weight. To wait. Trait. Treat. Tweet.


Messing about with Google Translate also shouldn’t amuse me, but it does:


Four famous flighty folks flee fittingly from fermented forest florets foraging for fast feisty fromage faking faulty faucets.

Google translated to French:

Quatre gens volages célèbre fuir dignement de la forêt fermenté fleurons d’alimentation pour fromage feisty rapide semblant robinets défectueux.

Google translated back to English:

Four people escape with dignity fickle famous forest fermented food landmarks cheese for quick feisty pretend defective valves.


Atrocious alliteration alludes actual alternative action and, after assiduously able allocation, allegedly always acts appallingly.

Google translated to Vietnamese:

Tàn bạo ám chỉ điệp âm thay thế và hành động thực tế, sau khi giao có thể siêng năng, được cho là luôn hành động đáng kinh sợ.

Google translated back to English:

Referring to the brutal and alliteration replace real action, after sex can diligently, are thought to always act appallingly.


Precisely! Poetic puns pose perfectly peculiar problems; perhaps particularly post peeling pernickety prickly pear pairs.

Google translated to Ukranian:

Отож-бо! Поетичний каламбури представляють зовсім своєрідні проблеми, може бути, особливо після пілінгу вибагливих колючий пар груші.

Google translated back to English:

So-bo! Poetic puns represent quite peculiar problems can be, especially after peeling demanding barbed steam pears.


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Bay, bay, balsa spruce, holly yew ebony willow?

MumblingNerd

Bay, bay, balsa spruce,
Holly yew ebony willow?
Yew fir, yew fir,
Cherry birch hazel.

Gum fir date maple,
Gum fir date elm,
Ash gum fir date laurel bay
Oak olive dogwood plane.

Poplar cedar maple,
Poplar cedar elm,
Ash poplar cedar laurel bay
Oak olive dogwood plane.

I’m afraid it has no deep or hidden meaning and, apart from a passing resemblance to ‘Baa, baa, black sheep’, makes no more sense than most of my asinine and pointless comments.

But trees are admirable, significant, blameless and trustworthy; I’m partial to trees.

:^)

BOF Anti-social Networking Group

MumblingNerd


Are you sick of being sociable?

Are you continually coerced to communicate?

Are you tired of Twittering and fed up with friend requests?

Be a BOF (Boring Old Fart) and celebrate your BOFness!

You don’t have to be old to be a BOF, anyone can be a BOF; I might be middle aged now, but I’ve been a BOF since I was an infant and I doubt there’s ever been a more boring teenager.

So, let’s distance ourselves from other people, stop answering the telephone or the knock at the door, let’s be unsociable and let’s ignore requests to Tweet, be friends or join groups.

You’ll be happy you did, probably, well, you’ll be a BOF anyway.



Elephant Jokes

Humour

Something I Tweeted recently reminded me of the elephant jokes that were popular in the 1960s:

How many elephants can you get in a Mini?

Four; two in the front and two in the back.

How many giraffes can you get in a Mini?

None; it’s already full of elephants.

How do you know if you have an elephant in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.

How do you know if there are two elephants in your refrigerator?

You can hear giggling when the light goes out.

How do you know if there are three elephants in your refrigerator?

You can’t close the door.

How do you know if there are four elephants in your refrigerator?

There’s an empty Mini parked outside.

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

To hide in cherry trees.

How do you get an elephant out of a tree?

Stand it on a leaf and wait until autumn.

How do you get down from an elephant?

You don’t, you get down from a duck.

What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?

Five o’clock. Trick question

Why is an elephant big, grey and wrinkly?

Because if it was small, white and hard it would be an aspirin.

Why are elephants grey?

So you can tell them apart from plums.

How do you make an elephant float?

Two scoops of ice cream, an elephant and lemonade.

Why do elephants have Big Ears?

Because Noddy won’t pay the ransom.

How do you stop an elephant from charging?

You take away its credit card.

Actually, this is a new one on me; I didn’t come across credit cards until my first Access card in 1973.

Why do elephants wear trainers?

To creep up on mice.

Why do elephants wear green trainers?

To hide in the tall grass.

Why do elephants wear red trainers?

Because their green ones are in the laundry.

Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?

So they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.

What’s yellow and dangerous?

Shark infested custard.

Oh, sorry, gone off message a bit.

:^)

 

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Asinine aphorisms

MumblingNerd, Puns and Word-play

Tinkering with puns, oronyms, homonyms, heterographs and homophones, well, something like that:

Cold toast; butter late than never.

Plain English guide; clarity begins a tome.

Pick up a music book; raise the volume.

Rugby; know pain, know game.

Erectile dysfunction proverb; all’s swell that ends swell.

Ore on hymns, hoe mown hims, hater owe grafts and home of phones:

To wear is you man, two four give deep vine.

Eerily tube head and hurling two rice mixer man wail the unwise.

Love of moon knees the route of fall weevil.

Therefore oarsmen have the poxy lips.

Pea pulling lass how says shoe dent thrust owns.

Ape plays four a very thin, hand eave hairy thinning hits plaice.

May bee hits called enough two freezer balls offer brass monk quay, butt theirs nope lace like comb.

If you can’t stand the hate get art of the cute chin.

At ten shone deaf is sit high pair active ET dis-sword her.

A pitcher is worth a throw sand-wards.

A leotard cannot change its spots.

Likeable Ena China Shop.

Learn to talk before you pun.

Many hands make plight worse.

A stick in thyme says mine.

Make a slick pose out of a Scouse seer.

Merry in haste; relentless pleasure.

Money Hans makes lie to work.

Banging your ted against a brick wall.

North thing dentured, north thing grained.

Look beef; all you’ll heap.

Anna play day keeps the dock tray way.

Nose mock without fear.

Won man’s meat is an udder man spy son.

An unrelated reminder; Friar Tuck doesn’t like spoonerisms and (according to @VenusDeMileage) neither does Betty Swollocks.

The first rule of Homophone Club is: ‘Yew do knot torque about Homophone Club.’

 

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