‘Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m a bell!’
‘Take these pills and if they don’t help give me a ring!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m a spoon!’
‘Sit over there then and don’t stir!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I keep seeing double!’
‘Please sit on that couch.’
‘Which one?’
‘Doctor, Doctor, every time I see 50p & 20p coins I have a panic attack; what’s the matter with me?’
‘You’re just afraid of change.’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I’m going to die in 51 seconds!’
‘I’ll be with you in a minute!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I keep seeing into the future!’
‘When did this first happen?’
‘Next Thursday!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter’
‘Sorry, I don’t follow you’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I keep seeing a spinning insect!’
‘Don’t worry; it’s just a bug that’s going around!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I’ve swallowed some small pens and a strainer!’
‘Don’t worry, you’re just a little pen sieve!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m a goat!’
‘How long have you felt like this?’
‘Since I was a kid!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home’
‘That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome’
‘Is it common?’
‘Well, It’s Not Unusual’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!’
‘Pull yourself together!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, everyone thinks I’m a liar!’
‘I find that very hard to believe!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I keep getting a pain in the eye when I drink coffee!’
‘Have you tried taking the spoon out?’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a king!’
‘What’s your name?’
‘Joe.’
‘You must be Joe King!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, please, can you help me out?’
‘Of course; which way did you come in?’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a £10 note!’
‘Well go and buy something; the change will do you good!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I’ve got wind, can you give me something for it?’
‘Yes; here’s a kite!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I tend to flush a lot!’
‘Don’t worry it’s just a chain reaction!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I have a strawberry on my head!’
‘I’ll give you some cream for that!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a bee!’
‘Well buzz off, I’m busy!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I think I need glasses!’
‘You certainly do Sir; this is a fish and chip shop!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m suffering from Déjà Vu!’
‘Didn’t I see you yesterday?’
‘Doctor, Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?
‘Stick your foot out and trip it up!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.’
‘I’ll deal with you later!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, will this ointment clear up my spots?’
‘I never make rash promises!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, can I have second opinion?’
‘Of course, come back tomorrow!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?’
‘Use a pencil until I get there!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I’m boiling up!’
‘Just simmer down!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m an adder!’
‘Great, you can help me with my accounts!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I keep painting myself gold!’
‘Don’t worry; it’s just a gilt complex!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a biscuit!’
‘What, you mean those square ones?’
‘Yes!’
‘The ones you put butter on?’
‘Yes!’
‘Ah, you’re crackers!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a frog!’
‘What’s wrong with that?‘
‘I think I’m going to croak!‘
‘Doctor, Doctor, how can I cure my sleep walking?’
‘Sprinkle drawing pins on your bedroom floor!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, my sister thinks she’s a lift!’
‘Well tell her to come in’
‘I can’t, she doesn’t stop at this floor!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me!’
‘Next please!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like a tepee and other days I feel like a wigwam!’
‘Just calm down, you’re two tents!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a dog!’
‘Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.’
‘But I’m not allowed on the couch!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I have a split personality!’
‘Well, you’d better both sit down!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a vampire!’
‘Necks please!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a nit!’
‘Not you again, how am I to get you out of my hair!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, you’ve taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don’t feel well!’
‘That’s quite enough out of you!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, my husband smells like a fish!’
‘Poor sole!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a burglar!’
‘Have you taken anything for it?’
‘Doctor, Doctor, my baby looks just like his father!’
‘Never mind, just as long as he’s healthy!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m a moth!’
‘Don’t worry; you’re just a bit light headed!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I’ve lost my memory!’
‘When did this happen?’
‘When did what happen?’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m a rubber band!’
‘Just stretch yourself out on the couch and tell me all about it!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m a dog!’
‘Sit!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I’m having trouble with my breathing!’
‘We’ll soon put a stop to that!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, what did the x-ray of my head show?’
‘Absolutely nothing!’
Patient: ‘Doctor, Doctor, I feel so tired, I don’t know where I am half the time!’
Dentist: ‘Open wide now!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?’
‘Yes, of course…’
‘Great! I never could before!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a needle!’
‘I see your point!’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I’m wearing Clingfilm for shorts’
‘Well, I can clearly see your nuts’
‘Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a woman who delivers babies!’
‘You’re just going through a midwife crisis’
‘Doctor, Doctor, every time I stand up quickly I see Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck’
‘Don’t worry; you’re just having a Disney spell’
‘Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m a bridge!’
‘Oh dear, what’s come over you?’
‘Two cars, a large truck and a coach!’
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